Choosing whether to have a family or be a part of a community doesn’t have to be an either-or-choice. I must admit, for the first 10 years of living in Hoboken, I never understood why it was so difficult to make plans with a parent. But that all immediately changed when I finally became a parent almost two years ago.

Parents, we want and need you in Dinner Group with us! You have unique perspectives and wisdom to bring to the group that the rest of us need to hear. We know that figuring out childcare can be a roadblock to getting involved, so here are five ways other parents have discovered to make Dinner Group work.

**1 – Pay for childcare**

I’ll wait for you to stop laughing. Listen, we want to give you every option, and for some families, this is an investment they choose to make. We might be biased, but we think it’s definitely worth it. Consider all the other places you choose to spend your money and if you need to, cut back on things like a $100+ cable package, or decide to eat just two fewer dinners out.

**2 – Join a Sunday afternoon group**

This fall we are having what we call a Large Group Gathering which is made up of 12 smaller Dinner Groups meeting at the Sunday gathering location on 3rd and Garden. The big bonus of the Sunday afternoon session is that we have FREE, yes F R E E, childcare available!

We have all group types available during these afternoon sessions. It’s a great way to meet others and experience a Dinner Group.

To join a Sunday Dinner Group [click here](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/groups/dinner-groups/7-sunday-afternoon-child-care-needed).

**3 – Join an online group**

Technology can really be a wonderful thing. Online Groups have been a growing segment of Dinner Groups at Hoboken Grace. Online groups work by members all jumping on the same video conference call.

It’s very convenient for those who live outside of Hoboken, travel for work often, but also for parents who can’t find childcare because you can attend group from your home each week.

Listen to what one online dinner group member, Ana R., had to say about her group. “\[The online dinner group\] is the highlight of my week. The women is my group are amazing and I’m blessed to have them in my life! Thank you for the online dinner group set up.”

To see our available online groups, [click here](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/groups/dinner-groups?group%5Ftype=74994&archived=&display%5Fmode=cards&tags%5B%5D=672603).

**4 – Attend a men’s and women’s group**

Decide as a couple to go to a men’s and women’s group. It works two ways: attend different nights, or one of you can choose to host your group at your place every week while the other goes out. If you attend different nights the spouse that stays home gets the added bonus of a little “me” time while the other is at dinner group!

As a parent, this is my favorite option because it allows my wife and I to expand our circles past those who are married couples. We just enjoy getting our guy and girl time, which becomes harder to come by as a parent. Also, this is the method we witness being most successful for parents as it allows them to be more consistent.

**5 – Start your own group and host it at your apartment.** 

Ok, I lied, this is my FAVORITE option. The beauty of starting your own Dinner Group is you can control where it’s hosted each week. Last year my wife and I led a married couples group at our apartment while our child slept in the other room. It worked out surprisingly well.

We love to start groups at Hoboken Grace because it creates more space for people to belong. This fall we’ve made starting a group as simple as possible. You just need to have these 4 things:

H – Have a heart for people.

O – Organize a place to meet (Done! Meet at your place each week).

S – Serve some food (I’m sure you have some Goldfish and Cheerios laying around).

T – Turn on the video.

If this sounds like something you would interest you’d I’d love to set up a time to chat so that you could hear more about how we support, prepare, and encourage our Dinner Group Hosts. Email me at nick@hobokengrace.com

**6 – Join a group where the children can come**

We do have a few groups where you can bring your children along with you, but I’ll warn you they tend to fill up really fast, so jump in quick. Each group that allows children does childcare a bit differently. Some will hire a babysitter that everyone chips in for, some take turns watching the children, and some rotate how they meet. After you sign up for the group the dinner group leader will let you know how they handle child care inside their group.

To sign up for a group with childcare, [click here](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/groups/dinner-groups?group%5Ftype=74994&archived=&display%5Fmode=cards&tags%5B%5D=616675).


Family or Community? Do Both!

# **10 Week Group Outline**

After ten years, we’ve learned and heard a thing or two that we think can help you as a leader and help your group, too. This 10 Week Group Guide is designed to partner with you through the first ten weeks of your group until you get confident to set your own plan. Our goal in this is to give you the margin to develop relationships within your group and less on worrying what’s coming next.

### WEEK ONE: Connecting

**CONNECT WITH STORY CARDS //** To get your group to start talking and encourage them to share about their lives and spiritual journeys, Story Cards will draw your group into deeper reflection and more meaningful conversations. Asking the question: _Which picture best represents how you think or feel about beginning this group?_

**WELCOME VIDEO //** Pastor Chris High welcomes you to Dinner Groups at Hoboken Grace. He explains what a dinner group is and your host, Sarah Neral, challenges group members to show up, join in and be real.

**DINNER GROUP OVERVIEW //** What will your group look like? What can your group expect each week? When and how long will you meet?

**SHOW UP. JOIN IN. BE REAL** // Walk through the Dinner Group Guidelines and discuss as a group what it means to show up, join in and be real.

**PRAYER //** Pray as a group for your time together and those tat will join over the next 10 weeks.

### WEEK TWO: Personal Growth

**PERSONAL GROWTH OVERVIEW VIDEO // On Personal Growth Nights, we each share in the next steps in our relationship with God that we are currently taking or hope to take. We celebrate and encourage each other with each step we take.** 

**GAUGES OF 5 PURPOSES //** This activity allows your group to pause and reflect on how you’ve experienced the most growth in the 5 purposes. How can you purposefully Worship, Connect, Learn, Serve and Share?

**EXPERIENCE PLAN //** Share the Experience Plan with your group as an additional too to help their personal growth. The Experience Plan Guidelines will help you navigate how to engage your group with the tool. 

### WEEK THREE: Connecting & Common Growth

**CONNECTING NIGHT VIDEO //** In this session we share the many ways your group can connect as you grow in deeper relationship with one another.

**PLAN YOUR CONNECTION EVENT //** We have all the information you need to plan your connection event – let’s walk through the vision and details of how to do this as a group!

**DISCUSSION QUESTIONS OVERVIEW VIDEO //** The purpose of weekly questions is to engage your group in an application conversation flowing from Sunday’s Conversation. We can’t simply talk about God’s word, we must put it into action. This video shares how you can utilize this common growth tool in your group.

### WEEK FOUR: Communion Night Overview 

**COMMUNION NIGHT OVERVIEW //** Communion means “the act of sharing.” How can your group share in common activities that will encourage each other in your faith? We in this session we help your group discover how they can execute this as a group.

**SHARING STORIES** //This week your group will share their stories with each other. It will be an opportunity for them to share about themselves as well as the people and circumstances that have been influential in their life. 

### WEEK FIVE: Common Growth

**SHARING STORIES** // If you didn’t get a chance to finish sharing stories in your group last week, take some time and allow those group members to share.

**TALK IT OVER** // Engage in the Discussion Questions from Sunday’s conversation.

### WEEK SIX: Personal Growth

**EXPERIENCE PLAN CHECK-IN //** This week you will follow up with your group members about how their Experience Plan is going. How can you celebrate rhythms that have been started? Anything that needs changing?

**RHYTHMS OVERVIEW VIDEO** // In this video we talk about how we engage with our community rhythms as a church family.

**CONTACTING THE LEADER ABOUT GROUP FUTURE //** Our group leaders will be contacted by the Community Core Team to talk about the next steps for their group!

### WEEK SEVEN: Communion

**DISCUSSING THE GROUP’S FUTURE VIDEO** // This week we will share with you how to move forward as a group and how to navigate your next steps.

**PRAYER VIDEO //** Praying out loud in group can be intimidating. In this session – we help you navigate what it looks like to take next steps in this area as a group.

**HOW TO LEAD COMMUNION //** There are many ways you can share communion as a group. In this leader video, we give you some tips on how to plan and share this night for your group.

**PRAYER & COMMUNION** 

### WEEK EIGHT: Connecting 

**HOST CONNECTION EVENT // This week you will host your Connection Event! Remember, a win is when you are able to connect even _one_ person who is unconnected.** 

### WEEK NINE: Common Growth

**TALK IT OVER //** Engage in the Discussion Questions from Sunday’s conversation.

### WEEK TEN: Celebration

**CELEBRATION VIDEO** //In this video we share why celebration is a vital part of who we are at Hoboken Grace. Part two of this video will help your group navigate the next steps for the weeks ahead. Celebrate what God has done and look forward to what is to come! 

**ENCOURAGEMENT NIGHT GUIDELINES** // Encouragement night is an evening when we can take time to stop, reflect, and share on how we value and appreciate one another. These guidelines will help you walk through how to lead your group through the night’s discussion. 


10 Week Group Outline

Each Sunday we welcome close to 200 kids into Grace Kids! I get so excited when I see all of their faces each week. We are so honored to be able to teach them each week about how much Jesus loves them and who HE says they are. Every Sunday we (the team and myself) pray and celebrate all of the steps we have seen them take and the ones we won’t get to see.

But what about the other kids in our city? There are over 7,000 kids in Hoboken. That means we are currently reaching less than 3% of them. Is anyone telling them about Jesus and how much He loves them? They need to hear about Him too!

> **Jesus Blesses the Children**
> 
> One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him.
> 
> When Jesus saw what was happening, he was angry with his disciples. He said to them, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” Then he took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and blessed them.
> 
> Mark 10:13-16 NLT

I think our instructions are clear when it comes to how God feels about children: “Let the children come to me.” We must create space for them! And that is exactly why we are adding Grace Kids during our third service. We want to create more space to welcome more families and more kids to hear about Jesus. There is absolutely no reason not to! In the scripture above, I don’t hear God saying, “bring the children to me but only if you have the space and the workers and it’s comfortable.” He is not only saying we need to be more like them but he says, “let them come to me, don’t stop them!” I don’t think it could get any more clear.

As we head into the fall and create more space for kids, we want you to be a part of it. We _need_ you to be a part of it! If you have a heart for kids and want to join us on this mission, email Rachel@hobokengrace.com to take a tour and see how YOU can make an impact in a child’s life.


Why Three?

When Deb and Roger Andruss joined one of the largest mission organizations in the world a decade ago, transitioning from church ministry to providing pastoral care on a global level, they noticed something amiss: countless missionaries and church staff they met were abandoning their calling due to feelings of burnout and disillusionment. When the organization delved deeper, they saw a common theme. In many cases, those who were leaving their ministry had struggled to find a balance between the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. The business of their ministry had led them to neglect their relationship with Jesus — there’d been too much “doing,” and too little “being.” 

With that realization, Deb and Roger began facilitating retreats to help people understand how to strike a healthier balance. Both had a heart for preventive health care (they’d worked in the industry before serving in ministry), and their goal was to help others achieve and maintain a better spiritual, physical, emotional and social well being.

It was around that time that they started hearing about the Axiom, a global community encouraging practices and disciplines to encourage greater intimacy with Christ. In corresponding with Jeff Pratt, the organization’s founder, it became clear that God was leading them to merge their ministries.

“In the six years since, we’ve seen Axiom grow at the local and global levels,” said Roger. “Several churches, like Hoboken Grace, have adapted Axiom’s rhythms into their growth programs.”

Those rhythms are at the heart of Axiom’s retreats, where participants are introduced to these spiritual disciplines and can work on putting them into practice. In doing so, they’re able to create more time and space for greater intimacy and a deeper understanding of God’s purpose for their life.

“We’ve discovered over the years of facilitating retreats and pilgrimages, and spending time in silence and solitude in prayer, that we have a God who aches for our full presence,” said Roger. “Being fully present to Him, to one another, and to the needs of the world around us is the distinct spirituality and heartbeat of Axiom.” 

And those practices are more important than ever, says Roger, as our lives are increasingly being lived at high velocity and with greater amounts of clutter.

“Our hearts have forgotten how to ‘be still and know that He is God.’” he said. “Inside ourselves we’re running all the time, ambushed by the tyranny of the urgent. We are seldom awakened to the fact that every moment of every day can be lived in the presence of God, alive and aware of His love.”

_Interested in attending an Axiom retreat? You’re invited to join us for this opportunity next summer:_ 

_Axiom: Homecoming: July 10-12, 2020_

_With storytelling, movie illustrations, biblical teaching and personal prayer time, this time away will further your understanding of His dreams and purposes for your life._

_For more information, contact anthony@hobokengrace.com_


A Retreat for Mind, Body, and Soul

**Impact Not Matching Ambition?**

“I want to make an impact” is a phrase that I have heard from a lot of people when talking about what they want out of their career or their life. I think, deep down, that’s what we all want. We want to leave our mark, a positive impact on our world.

Wanting to make an impact is an awesome and noble aspiration. And yet actually achieving it always seems so difficult. We are often at our most ambitious when we’re young and new — when we have no influence or resources to make the impact we want. And so many people feel frustrated in a job or situation where they don’t have the ability to make a big impact. Some may leave to go to a different company, with a different mission, or try to climb the corporate ladder to get a more influential role — all with the goal to make a bigger impact. But I also find that no matter how senior we get or how incredible that mission statement is, many of us still feel that our impact is just not quite there. Our impact can never seem to match our ambition.

**Don’t Reduce Your Ambitions** — **Lengthen Them!**

So what do we do? Should we simply throw our hands up and become less ambitious?

I’d like to propose something different — because I don’t think the size of your ambition is a problem. In fact, I would submit to you that you are probably not ambitious enough! Specifically, your ambitions are not _long_ enough.

The world we live in is in a hurry and we all want to make that impact in as short a timeframe as possible. Build a tech unicorn and change the world before I hit 30, please!

Yet what if we would stop and think beyond the next several years and, instead, think about how we can impact the next several generations? I believe if we would do that, then for most of us our perspectives on how to achieve that impact would change — and our ambitions can actually grow.

**Compounding Impact Interest**

I spend a lot of time these days educating people on personal finance, and I believe the most powerful concept on wealth building, compound interest, is just as relevant when thinking about impacting our world.

If you gave me a five-year deadline to make $1m, I would probably end up buying lottery tickets, penny stocks and other get-rich-quick schemes. And the entire time I’m going to be pretty stressed and unfulfilled. In a similar way, I think our yearning to make an impact while giving ourselves such a short deadline can lead to unsatisfied lives at best and destructive behaviors at worst — workaholism and bending ethics to justify our goal are two that come to mind.

But if you gave me 500 years to make $500m — even at a meagre 5% annual return — I would only need to invest less than 2 cents! I might even put in a dollar just to make sure. (By the way, $1 with a 5% return compounded over 500 years would be just north of $39 billion.)

So what if we spend more time thinking about how we can impact the world in five generations instead of five years? Would that change the way we approach making an impact? 

I believe the only way to have lasting, intergenerational impact requires investing in people — specifically other people; because we all have only a few decades (some less) and if you don’t invest in other people, there will be nobody to carry out your legacy. Or worse, they’ll actively work to reverse all that you did!

Would your legacy be different in five generations time if you spent a little less time this year on self-improvement and instead spent a bit more time on mentoring? If you plan to impact your future great-grandchildren, would that cause you to work more on your children’s character than their test scores?

**When and How Do You Start?**

The beauty about intergenerational impact is that it’s never too early and it’s never too late. For those of you at the beginning of your lives, you have your whole life ahead of you to start compounding impact interest. And for those of you who have wasted your best years chasing after the wrong things, it’s okay, it’s a 500-year marathon!

I know some do win the lottery and some are able to create a unicorn startup (and some of them might even make the world a better place). But for the majority of us, that’s not the way to build wealth — and I submit to you it’s not the way most of us will change the world.

But all of us can have massive, lasting impact — and the easiest way is by investing in the people around us and teaching them to do the same. So to those struggling with unfulfilled ambitions, maybe your ambitions are too small. Or, more precisely, _too short_.


Lasting Impact

When we walk into church on Sunday morning, we’re greeted with smiling faces, delicious coffee and donuts, a beautiful space, a great sound system and a very talented band; all of which is put together by people who have hearts for serving. Hoboken Grace’s mission is to help people find their way back to God. Our mission wouldn’t be possible without the amazing community we have who work hard every week to make that happen. This past Sunday at Team Link we gave people the opportunity to find out how they can jump in!  

We were so thrilled to see so many excited faces come through the door ready to find their place … It was almost like “speed dating” where each person had the opportunity to speak to our different teams and ask all the questions they want! Did you know there are ten different impact areas that help make up this mission? 1st Impressions, Communications, Community, Equip, Financial Health, Grace Kids, IT & Analytics, Neighborhood, Partnerships, and Service Programming, all set up to learn about in a quick thirty-minute round. 

Our goal with Team Link is to give others the opportunity to get out of the stands and onto the field and serve this community together. Whether you want to greet new faces, set up the space Sunday morning, impact our kids program or be a part of a larger community, Team Link allows you to find out where God may be nudging you, and the place where your skills and interests can best be utilized for the mission. We want you to not only be able to learn about what others are doing in our church family, but also get plugged into impacting the larger community! 

Did you happen to miss Team Link this past Sunday? No problem! We will be hosting it again in October. If you don’t want to wait until then, feel free to stop by a Connection Point on Sunday and the team will help you get connected.


A Heart for Serving

Towards the end of last year, I put together a life plan. I had done one before on a smaller scale, but this one was put together with a trained facilitator and over the course of two days, mapping out what I’d like to accomplish and how to get there. It really helped me to gain some incredible insight into my life —where I was going, where God had taken me.

One important part of this plan is called the “replenishment cycle” —it helped me to find the things in my life that not only bring me joy but help to replenish me. Often you can work and work and work and feel drained. The replenishment cycle helps to fill up your proverbial gas tank. These are things that help you feel both renewed and refreshed. For me, that includes going to shows or going for a run. Another thing that helps we called “exploring,” which is basically just that—exploring a new place.

Before I came on board at Hoboken Grace, I traveled extensively with my old job. One of the things I loved about it was going to a place I had never been before. When I arrived, if I didn’t have to go straight to work, I used to love to go to the hotel and check in. Then I’d drop my bags off and explore the neighborhood. I would look for good restaurants, fun stores, maybe even some not-to-miss sights in the area. I loved it and I still love doing that today. Why? Well for one, it’s fun for me to see and experience new things. But the other reason, I believe, is because it helps me to build a relationship with the place I’m getting to know. If I’m going to be there for a few days, I want to get to know it. I want to learn about it. I want to see what it can teach me all the while getting to enjoy it.

It’s a lot like our relationship with God. Before I became a believer, I thought of God as just this Guy-in-the-Sky. Unknowable and always watching. But since walking into this relationship with Him, I realize He’s completely knowable. The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Ephesians, prays that we, “may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” All too often we want to comprehend something without taking the time to experience it. Much like when I was traveling to a new town or place, I was never able to fully appreciate it until I experienced it.

All too often, we want to comprehend the inner workings of something before we experience it. Yet, when we meet someone during our day, we begin immediately engaging them in conversation, even though we don’t know the intricacies of their motivations. We begin finding these things out when we get to know the individual better, but only after a relationship has started. In the same way, we must explore and engage God relationally before we can truly begin to appreciate the depths of His character.

I spent several years trying to comprehend God without knowing Him, and what did it lead to? Never being able to fully enjoy Him. It wasn’t until I began exploring with Him, spending time with Him and engaging with Him that I was able to build a deeper relationship with Him. If I wanted to comprehend and experience a new place when I was traveling, I had to spend time there. Now, was it possible for me to see everything a town has to offer? Well, I’ve been living in the New York/New Jersey area for 14 years now and I still haven’t seen everything it has to offer. Does that mean I should just stop exploring? Of course not. It’s the same thing with God. Paul would continue to say, “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully.” Just because you’ll never understand it fully doesn’t mean you can’t continue to grow to love it and peel away the layers to experience Him more and more.

There’s a reason exploring is part of my replenishment cycle. It does replenish and refresh me. I would venture to say that if you’re feeling like your tank is running on empty, maybe you could spend a little more time today exploring and engaging with Him to allow it to be filled once again.


Replenishment

We’re so excited for Dinner Groups and hope you’ve found a group to join! These groups exist to create community and provide a safe environment where people have the opportunity to pursue healthy relationships and spiritual growth.

In the weeks come, here are three simple ways you can get the most out of your group:

**SHOW UP**

It all starts here. You can’t enjoy group if you’re not present. This begins by finding a dinner group where you can be the most consistent. That means finding a night that works best with your schedule. We know life and work will interrupt from time to time, but if you’re in town be sure to be there. Your group needs you just as much as you need them. 

It’s not enough to just be there physically; showing up also means being mentally present at dinner group. This one is personally a challenge for me. We live in a culture where work can follow us home and interrupt us 24 hours a day. We’re encouraged and baited into constantly being in “the know,” so we check our email, social media and news feed over and over again. When you get to group, give others the gift of your full attention. Turn off or silence your phone so it won’t distract you from loving and engaging with those around you.

**JOIN IN**

Joining in is all about contribution. What can you give and provide to the group?

Are there specific skills that you have that your group could benefit from? 

* You love planning events? Take charge of planning your group’s next event.
* You’re a great scribe? Volunteer to take the notes on Sunday or the Prayer Requests.
* You love asking good questions? Facilitate the discussion questions.

Unsure how you could help? Just ask your leader. We want everyone to have a bit of ownership in the group. I’ll also admit that some of our leaders, including myself, tend to hog up all the responsibilities. You have my permission to challenge them _kindly_ into sharing those tasks. When we all own a little bit of the group, it helps lighten the load for everyone. And when people are encouraged to use their gifts for others, it just makes for a much better group and allows us to grow.

Contribution is also about what you share in group. Your group members want to hear from you. When appropriate, we want to hear your experiences, opinions, thoughts and questions. This leads to our last point…

**BE REAL**

I make it a personal goal in group each week to make sure you see the real me, not the me I you want me to see. We want to hear from the real you. We encourage you to be authentic as well. It’s hard for group members to help each other when they aren’t bringing their real selves. 

In order for others to be authentic, we need to build trust among group members so they feel comfortable being real. This means we have to keep things shared in group confidential. Nothing destroys community faster than gossip. 

Being real — and showing others our true selves — requires vulnerability. But it’s this vulnerability that drives real connection. Dinner group is a great place to meet lifelong friends and mentors, but only if you take the time to invest in the group, the conversations you’re having and those around you.

Will you commit this group season to show up, join in, and be real? 

_Still looking for a group to join?_ [_Find one here_](http://hobokengrace.com/dinnergroups/dinnergroups/#join)_._


Show Up. Join In. Be Real.


As our dinner group talked through the conversation from a few weeks ago one of the members shared something that speaks to one of the great challenges we face in conversation today. He shared that when he’s asked to comment on a difficult conversation he responds with, “Do you have an hour?” I found that profound for a few reasons.

1\. There are no simple answers. The reality is, when it comes to political conversations there are simply no simple answers. Sometimes we want to make the answer simple, but it isn’t. There’s a great amount of complexity to immigration, health care, and racial tension. There’s an incredible number of factors to process and the road forward is by no means clear. To summarize an answer to any of those issues in five minutes just isn’t wise or feasible. If we’re going to have a good conversation, it needs to be a long conversation.

2\. There are no simple people. In answering difficult questions, we don’t just speak to the idea, we speak to a person. That person has a great number of factors that influence how they see and feel about an issue. You can’t possibly understand those factors in a moment and an answer given without the exploration of those will often times be lacking.

Conversations about difficult questions are crucial. We need to learn how to have those conversations. We can’t just avoid them because they’re complicated, but as my friend stated, it needs to be given time. Which means there are a few practices we need to adopt as we engage.

– Give it thought. We live in a time when we have instant access to a great amount of information with very little time for processing. We take in and take in, but the phone which gives us the information also constantly calls for our attention. This leaves us with loads of data which we’ve never actually taken the time to sit and process. We need to create time for processing. Creating downtime in your day allows your brain time to work through the information. Without that, we begin to simply spout ideas we’ve heard but haven’t thoroughly thought through. Creating even thirty minutes in your day to process is a crucial practice in the development of wisdom.

– Give it time. Don’t answer quickly and don’t be pushed to answer in a situation where you don’t have time to give a complete answer that addresses both the question and the person. Practice what my friend introduced. Ask if there is time, and if there isn’t, see if you can schedule time.

– Eliminate the rush. The writer John Ortberg claims that the greatest advice for spiritual health he’s ever received was from a friend who told him, “You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” Hurry is a great enemy to our well-being and should be viewed as an incredible opponent. It destroys connection, conversation, and wisdom. Sacrifice what you need to but eliminate it at all costs. Create space and engage those around you well.

Understand as I write this that I’m challenging myself a great deal. My friend’s words have haunted me because I know, as I’m guessing many of you know, that this is difficult, but necessary.

May we continue to grow in our ability to engage conversations well. May we grow in wisdom and love because we take the time to.


It’s Not That Simple

When my wife Sarah and I moved from Arizona to New York, one of the most difficult parts for me was knowing that I would be living in a place with no existing church family and friends. I would have to start from scratch and build entirely new relationships.

As I began to look for a church that Sarah and I would eventually call home, I did what any “normal” person would do. I googled all kinds of churches, and one of them happened to be Hoboken Grace. After watching a few messages and doing more research, I started thinking that Hoboken Grace had the potential to be our home church. We eventually visited in person and met so many people who we call friends today. We got incredibly well connected by those who served at Hoboken Grace, and it made all the difference.

I share a small snippet of our journey at Hoboken Grace so that we all can be reminded of what an amazing impact serving has. That being said, I want to share another way of serving that is possible at Hoboken Grace. Having not only a physical location for our church but also an “online church” community, we have an opportunity to reach out to those who might not be ready or able to take that first step into our doors. In the same way that our physical church location has people who love to serve, we need people who can serve within our “online church.” Here is a better idea of what this can look like…

Kenny, a single father living in Hoboken, told himself that he should probably go to church on Easter Sunday, something he used to do with his parents as a kid. Instead, he decided to watch Hoboken Grace’s service live, on the church’s website. Kenny was deeply moved by the love of God that he once knew. You see, Kenny had made a decision in high school to accept Christ and vowed to follow Him, but he eventually strayed toward a different path in life. Now 12 years later, Kenny heard that God has been pursuing him this entire time. While Kenny was watching church online, I asked everyone who was viewing the service if anyone needed prayer or simply had questions. It was at that moment that Kenny decided to recommit his life back to the Lord. He privately messaged me asking for prayer to change his life around and once again follow Jesus.

By creating a team of people serving as online hosts, we can reach and impact those who might never otherwise walk into our doors and hear the message of Jesus. What an amazing opportunity! These online hosts will engage people and allow them to be open about their prayer requests, questions and concerns. 

Let’s better serve and love those who have walked away from their faith, those who have serious questions about God, those who are simply in the middle of a challenging season in life, those who are online for whatever the reason may be. Our mission is to find every possible way to reach out and help people find their way back to God.

_Roman serves as an Online Host on the Care Team._

_For more info email care@hobokengrace.com._


Does Online Church Make An Impact?

If you are anything like Xiaochan, you joined a team at Hoboken Grace because of one of the amazing video testimonies that was shared on Sunday morning. In her case, she watched as someone on the Grace Kids team shared how they could use helpers. While she initially had hesitations, that all changed when she heard the volunteer say that you don’t have to be interesting, but rather, you have to be interested. With that, she was put to ease and knew she wanted to dive in and see what the team was all about.

Now serving with Grace Kids for almost two years, Xiaochan can’t imagine not being involved with this incredible team. Her favorite part? Loving on the kids well and being a part of their journey. “When the kids shout words like God or Jesus, it just makes me so excited,” she says. When thinking about the impact those kiddos have made on her heart, she says, “I wish we could all have this kind of pure heart, like the kids do, loving people around them so unconditionally.” 

And it’s not just about serving the kids; the team is also serving their parents. Being able to give the parents time to be alone with God is another huge reason she loves to serve on the Grace Kids team. “I really want to provide an opportunity for parents to go to the service and enjoy some good time with God,” she says. Grace Kids gives the parents an opportunity to know their children are being well taken care of while they get to relax in the grownup space. 

And what she wasn’t expecting? Growing in her own faith by learning from those she serves with. She says she has a great support group through the Grace Kids team and that they pray together every Sunday before they serve. By serving weekly, Xiaochan is now an integral part of the Grace Kids team and community, which is not something she first expected. 

Whether it be God stirring in your heart to take the next step or a provoking video testimony at church, you’re invited to join a team. Take it from Xiaochan: “Take the leap of faith by giving God an opportunity to further work in your life” and join a team. To see what opportunities are available, click [here](http://hobokengrace.com/teams/). And if you have a story to share about the impact of joining a team, reach out to our Story Team [here](http://hobokengrace.com/share-your-story/). 


You Only Have To Be Interested


In November 2011 my husband Rob and I found out that our second baby was diagnosed in utero with a significant heart defect (HLHS). I was scared out of my mind at the unknown of all of this, but found a way to build a community of supporters around the idea that praying for Hayden would keep him safe. In August of 2012, Hayden passed away unexpectedly from a medical error after a procedure. The moment Hayden took his final breaths in my arms, I felt completely isolated and found myself running away from God. I was so angry he hadn’t answered our prayers and hadn’t spared my sweet boy’s life. I didn’t know where I belonged and felt every community or tribe of people I had once felt safe in — and was able to relate to before — was gone.

Soon after he passed, we founded Hayden’s Heart — a nonprofit organization to support families affected by congenital heart defects. While supporting others who are going through something we once did felt amazing, I still felt like there was something missing through his legacy, and I personally felt like I needed something more to help me heal.

Three years in we hosted our first”Healing of the Heart” retreat — a retreat for mothers who had lost a child. It was there that I was able to find my purpose and was able to cultivate a new community of people to relate to — feel safe with — and gave me a sense of belonging, which was all I was looking for since losing him. We all want to feel like we are a part of something, and want to be surrounded by people who can simply say ‘me too.’ It was in this space that I found that — as well as a link to my reconnection to my faith and trust in God.

I knew this feeling I had after being at this retreat was something that all mothers and fathers needed to have the opportunity to attend — not just those hurting from a congenital heart defect loss — and not just a chance to attend once a year, but to find a way to offer these retreats to these broken souls all year round. I had found God again — and I had found my purpose.

This brings me to the present. In the last 2 years we have established Hayden’s House of Healing — with a mission to provide a safe, tranquil space for bereaved mothers, fathers, couples, children and families to heal and connect through a variety of methods and activities offered to assist in the healing process.

We are in the final stages of closing on a house in New Jersey that will allow us to host retreats YEAR ROUND for bereaved parents and families and WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!

Here are some ways you can support us in our mission to support these families:

1. Pray — for the finality of this house — the closing as well as the direction of myself and others in the forefront of this operation.
2. Raise awareness of this space to parents you may know who have lost a child. Share our website with them and have them contact us if they wish to learn more.
3. [Donate to and share our campaign](https://www.classy.org/campaign/haydens-house-needs-you/c220142) to help us raise the funds needed to close on this house, furnish and prepare it for these healing retreat.

THANK YOU for listening to our story and for your support!

Please reach out if you have any questions!!

www.haydenshouse.org

Ady.dorsett@haydensheart.org


Hayden’s House of Healing

Some of our group members may be the primary or assistant caregiver of an aging parent or loved one.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our group members who are dealing with the stress of being a caregiver?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Caregiving_

One of the most universally challenging roles a person can assume is that of being a caregiver to a loved one. And did you know that over 40 million Americans serve as family caregivers, providing daily unpaid support to an aging family member?

Caring for an aging loved one can take a heavy toll on the caregiver and the family, and there are significant emotional, vocational, and financial concerns. Caregivers often have to quit their jobs, take early retirement, or have a leave of absence. Here are some recent stats about caregivers.

1. 1. 75% say caregiving is a source of pride because they make a difference in the life of their loved one  
   2. 74% say their jobs are impacted  
   3. 69% say caring for a loved one is the #1 source of stress in their lives  
   4. 60% are worried about the financial impact caregiving will have on their savings  
   5. 58% provide more than 10 hours of care for a loved one each week  
   6. 42% spend well over $5,000 each year “out-of-pocket” to provide care for their loved one  
   7. 27% are in the “Sandwich Generation” – caring for their children as well as aging parents  
   8. 1 in 4 caregivers say family relationships have suffered because of caregiving responsibilities  
   9. 3 in 5 caregivers share a home with the loved one for whom they provide care

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Caring_

_LOOK_– Realize your group member may actually need time to grieve the loss of what life looked like before caring for their parents. They may need to go through the five stages of grief:

* * Denial: My parents will get better soon  
   * Anger: Why do I have to be the one to take care of them?  
   * Bargaining (with God): Release me from this, God, and I will do whatever else you want me to do, just not this!  
   * Depression: I’m so sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed that this is my life now.  
   * Acceptance: I’m at peace with our new phase of life, and I will do whatever it takes to care for my aging parents to the best of my ability. It is what it is.

_ASK_ – Sometimes our group members need our empathy and positive encouragement. And your questions can help them think ahead or think outside of themselves:

* * How’s your mom or dad doing today?  
   * What is it like to be taking care of your parents? Is that hard?  
   * What can I do to support you?

_LISTEN_ – Be available just to listen to your group member talk about whatever they need to share, including stories about their parents, in the present and past.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Caregiving?_

* * [Ecclesiastes 3:1-8](https://my.bible.com/111/ecc.3.1-8): This is just a season  
   * [Matthew 11:28-30](https://my.bible.com/111/mat.11.28-30): God sees us when we are tired and weary  
   * [Philippians 4:10-13](https://my.bible.com/111/php.4.10-13): God gives us strength

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

_OFFER_ affirmative and positive feedback but don’t assume you know how your group member feels, because you don’t. Give grace and encourage them.

_CONNECT_ with them in a fun way to escape the stress of this season like morning coffee or lunch with friends, where conversation is light, funny and interesting.

_SUGGEST_ a [Counselor](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/2538?open-in-church-center-model=true) if they are really struggling or need an outside perspective. Invite them to attend a Hoboken Grace Church service with you. And if they enjoy reading, give them the gift of a helpful resource, such as:

* * [The Caregiving Season: Finding Grace to Honor Your Aging Parents](https://www.amazon.com/Caregiving-Season-Finding-Grace-Parents/dp/1589978692/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1589131248&sr=8-1) by Jane Daly  
   * [While They’re Still Here: A Memoir](https://www.amazon.com/While-Theyre-Still-Here-Memoir/dp/163152240X/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1589131282&sr=8-1) by Patricia Williams

_PRAY_ for your group member, their aging parent, and the details of their caregiving situation.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Georg Arthur Pflueger](https://unsplash.com/@knurpselknie?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting A Caregiver

Sometimes the first few weeks of a new job or new career can be exciting, as well as difficult and challenging.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends, coworkers, and group members who are dealing with the stress of starting a new job?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Elements of Stress in a New Job_

Starting a new job means a time of proving oneself, of learning new routine, meeting new people, learning new personalities, taking on new challenges, mastering a new schedule and set of goals, and facing the typical politics of the workplace.

Taking on a new job or new career may also cause stress and anxiety related to expectations, and learning a new task can be challenging to deal with, possibly causing feelings of inadequacy. It is also common to experience fatigue, difficulty sleeping, and problems concentrating along with the stress and anxiety. Some degree of this is normal and to be expected in those first few weeks and months.

If we’re going to empathize with a group member or friend starting a new career, it’s important to understand the legitimate worries most of us have when starting a new job:

1. 1. Do I actually know what I am doing?  
   2. Will my coworkers like me?  
   3. Will the boss like me or will everyone like me as their boss?  
   4. What if I make a big mistake on the job?  
   5. I feel overwhelmed. Am I really cut out for this job?  
   6. I’m so going to get fired for this?

Recognize that new job stress affects the entire family, particularly when a physical move is required.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouragement_

LOOK- Realize if it is a new coworker, they may actually need time to get to know you and trust you as someone they can come to with a question or frustration.

ASK – Sometimes our coworkers and group members need our empathy, understanding, and positive encouragement. You too were once new on the job! So, don’t hesitate to ask questions like:

* * How are you settling in to your new job?  
   * How is your family adjusting to your new schedule or your new career?  
   * What can I do to support you?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen to your coworker or group member talk about whatever they need to share or when they have questions about the way things are done.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Work and Stress?_

* * [Matthew 6:25-34:](https://my.bible.com/111/mat.6.25-34) Don’t worry  
   * [Colossians 3:23](https://my.bible.com/111/col.3.23): Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart  
   * [Galatians 6:4-5](https://my.bible.com/97/gal.6.4-5) (The Message): Do the best you can with your life

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Coworker or Group Member_

OFFER affirmation and positive feedback. Share helpful workplace expectations. Encourage them to be a listener and a learner as they lead in this new space.

CONNECT them with other coworkers or group members and different teams over lunch, coffee or conversation in the workplace.

SUGGEST healthy personal rhythms as they establish a new professional rhythm – because there is a tendency to overwork during the first few months of a new job. Ask them what they like to do for fun, exercise, family time or down-time on the weekend. Suggest these books on how to best lead and influence in the workplace:

* * [Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter](https://www.amazon.com/Multipliers-Best-Leaders-Everyone-Smarter-ebook/dp/B003M69A4Q/ref=sr%5F1%5F2?crid=QRAZ957BBZ70&dchild=1&keywords=how+the+best+leaders+make+everyone+smarter&qid=1588712366&sprefix=how+the+best+leaders%2Caps%2C144&sr=8-2) by Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown  
   * [The Way of the Shepherd: Seven Secrets to Managing Productive People](https://www.amazon.com/Way-Shepherd-Ancient-Managing-Productive/dp/0310250978/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=31SSL7RFHPUI2&dchild=1&keywords=the+way+of+the+shepherd+kevin+leman&qid=1588712448&sprefix=the+way+of+the+shep%2Caps%2C146&sr=8-1) by William Pentak and Kevin Leman

PRAY for them and ask God to give you opportunities to share his love with your friend, family, coworker or group member going through this new season.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Glenn Carstens-Peters](https://unsplash.com/@glenncarstenspeters?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/new-job?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others In a New Job

Some of our friends and group members may have a new baby either through birth or adoption.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends and group members who are adjusting to life with a new baby?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Adjusting to Life with a Baby_

Self-care is at an all-time low, particularly for the mother.

Financial pressure increases – particularly if one parent chooses to stay at home instead of return to work.

Health issues for the birth mom and newborn are a real concern – not to mention the rollercoaster of hormones and emotions.

Lack of sleep heightens stressful situations and conversations for the parents.

Parenting other children in the family as they adjust to a new baby is also a focus and sometimes a concern during this time.

Most parents experience guilt when returning to work after having a new baby or adopting – especially if this is their first child.

Anxiety over pumping in the office – the topic no one wants to talk about but is a reality for many first-time moms who are breastfeeding their babies and going back to work.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouraging New Parents_ 

LOOK – Realize your group member may actually need time to ease back into their new normal as a friend, coworker and now a parent. It may take a few days or weeks before they are able to bring their best. Recognize that there may be tension and guilt they may feel when the time comes for them to return back to work.

ASK – Sometimes our group members need our encouragement during this time. Check in with them by asking a few questions:

* * How is the baby? How is everyone adjusting at home?  
   * Is there anything I can do to support you?  
   * Do you have time to grab coffee so we can catch up?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen to your group member talk about whatever they need to share. Keep in mind this time is often an emotional rollercoaster. Tears are normal, as is wanting to dive back into routine.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Parenting?_

* * [2 Corinthians 3:4-5](https://my.bible.com/111/2CO.3.4-5): God gives us confidence to be competent as parents  
   * [Proverbs 22:6](https://my.bible.com/111/Pro.22.6): Parenting God’s Way  
   * [Philippians 4:6-7](https://my.bible.com/111/php.4.6-7): God gives us peace

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

OFFER encouragement and support – especially if you understand what they are going through. Share your own stories (funny or frustrating) as a way of normalizing the circumstances; but be mindful to listen more than you share.

CONNECT with them in a fun way to escape the stress of this season like morning coffee or lunch with work friends, where conversation is light, funny and interesting, and not all about babies, kids or parenting woes.

SUGGEST a [Counselor](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/2538?open-in-church-center-model=true) if they are really struggling to adjust to this new season; invite them to attend a Hoboken Grace Church service with you. And if they enjoy reading, give them the gift of a helpful resource, such as:

* * [How We Love Our Kids by Milan](https://www.amazon.com/How-Love-Our-Kids-Parenting/dp/0307729249/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588527824&sr=8-1) and Kay Yerkovich  
   * [First Time Mom: Getting Off on the Right Foot](https://www.amazon.com/First-Time-Mom-Kevin-Leman/dp/0842360387/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588527885&sr=8-1) by Dr. Kevin Leman  
   * [First Time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need to Know](https://www.amazon.com/First-Time-Dad-Stuff-Really/dp/0802487505/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588527932&sr=8-3) by John Fuller

PRAY for your group member, their new baby, their spouse, and the rest of their family.

Return to [Care Guides](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/care-guides/)

_Photo by [Alex Pasarelu](https://unsplash.com/@bellefoto?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/baby-feet?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others Adjusting to Life with a New Baby

_Well, no. But, there are ways you can start preparing. Kristen and Eric share their experience with the NINE class._

After being married for several years, Kristen and Eric decided the time had come to finally start a family. Already very active at Hoboken Grace, they decided to take NINE, a class about becoming a parent, based on a friend’s recommendation. 

“Nine is a class series which helps prepare soon-to-be parents for the journey of parenthood with both practical and spiritual advice, accompanied with wisdom from Chris as a pastor and a parent,” says Kristen, who dove in during her second trimester while pregnant with her son, William.

NINE the perfect class for those currently expecting. NINE was built to mentally prepare and give practical information to those soon-to-be parents, but most importantly, teach the role of discipleship through God and His teachings.

“Learning the Biblical principles that support practical parenting decisions has allowed us to confidently establish our strategies regarding sleep training, discipline and discipleship,” Eric and Kristen say.

Speaking of sleep, any parents or parents-to-be out there? One concern we have heard is that parents are worried about the lack of sleep they will endure when starting a family. Thankfully, NINE addresses this topic, teaching that it is important for both the baby and the parents to be able to sleep as much as they can. In return, it allows the parents to be the best they can be. The method Pastor Chris goes over is called the _Babywise Method,_ which Kristen and Eric have found to be successful. 

“Sleep is an absolutely crucial part of life for both parents and growing children. Because of _Babywise,_ our son, William, receives the sleep he needs on a daily/nightly basis. And as such, we receive the sleep we need to be the best parents we can be to him,” states the happily refreshed couple.

NINE will start up again this June with as many as 12 couples in this intimate, six-week class. If you or someone you know is expecting, Kristen and Eric, along with others, agree that this is a must-take class.

If you too want “an enriching experience prior to becoming a new parent,” then wait no longer as [registration](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/171130) fills up quickly!


Do Babies Come With Manuals?

### **PURPOSE**

Lectio Divina means “divine reading.” It is a way of listening to the text of scripture more as a conversation with Jesus where he is suggesting the topic of conversation. It could be explained as “bible basking” rather than “bible study” where we meditate on scripture, converse with God openly, and live out his word. To get acquainted with this rhythm takes practice and gets easier each time we do it. Lectio Divina allows us to learn to be quiet – silence the voices of responsibility, self, family, religion – and listen to God and what he wants to say to us. You can practice Lectio Divina individually, with another person, or with a group.

### **LECTIO DIVINA AS A GROUP**

#### Tips on How to Implement

* Sitting in a circle is helpful for connection
* The key to this practice is listening.
* You don’t have to be a perfectionist. Be simple, open and honest.
* Several different options on reading:  
   * One person reads every time  
   * Different people read each time  
   * Every time the passage is read, it is read in a different translation
* Explore different ways of this practice and find what works for you
* There are times when you practice Lectio Divina with a familiar passage or a passage from a sermon. It is imperative to put aside the voices and outlines of others and listen to God’s impression to you.
* The question we ask is – What does God want to say to you today?
* The practice of Lectio Divina helps us be present to God. There is never a time he is not present with us. He abides and dwells in us. The only person not present is me.

#### Resources on How To Find a Passage

* [YouVersion](https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app/) or Bible.com’s verse of the day
* [The Message: Solo: An Uncommon Devotional by Eugene Peterson](https://www.amazon.com/Message-Solo-Uncommon-Devotional/dp/1600061052)
* [Write the Word Journal by Lara Casey](https://cultivatewhatmatters.com/collections/journals)

### **BE FULLY PRESENT**

#### Walking Your Group Through Preparing Your Heart and Mind

Get comfortable in your chair. Don’t jump ahead and begin to study the passage.

Relax

* Close your eyes
* Relax your shoulders
* Relaxing will help you be present to God
* Relax your jawbone and face

Breathe

* Breathe in and out with deep breaths
* God breathed life into us
* Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out

Smile

* Begin to smile!
* Scripture says give thanks in all circumstances
* It is hard not to be present with God when we smile
* Smiling Reflects the good gifts that come from him

### LECTIO DIVINA

#### Walking Your Group Through the Practice of Lectio Divina

_This is written in script form to help you lead your group through this practice._ 

We will read the passage as a group multiple times. Don’t guess what I’m going to say, or out read me, just listen and follow as I guide you through.

The first time I am simply going to read the passage and I want you to just listen.

Each time I read, I will read slowly. (_Don’t enunciate or highlight things because we do not want to share our impressions with others.)_

Let go of distracting thoughts and listen with you heart.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

_Before you read the second time:_ 

Ask your group to make a note or jot down anything they hear. During this second reading, Ask the Lord, what word or phrase are you highlighting for me?

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE SECOND TIME, SLOWLY.

Ask your group members individually, what word or phrase was God highlighting for you? Don’t pressure it – be honest about it. (_During this time, encourage your group members to NOT give an explanation. Just simply share the word or phrase of scripture.)_ It is okay to not have an answer.

_Before you read the third time:_

Ask the Lord, why that phrase or that word? In your heart and silence, you can ask the Lord why that word or phrase.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE THIRD TIME, SLOWLY.

No pressure, but ask each person what they felt God was saying.

(_Remember: as you lead your group you may want to give commentary or encouragement, resist the urge to do so.)_

_Before you read the fourth time:_

As you listen to the Lord with a listening heart, ask God, is there a response you want from me?

This is not about your three step plan to follow God’s prompting.

Lord, what is the response you want me to make?

If we listen, we can be surprised that he has something surprising for us.

Quiet your heart.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE FOURTH TIME, SLOWLY.

Ask your group members individually, no pressure, what response does God want me to make?

_Before you read the fifth time:_

God, is there a specific step or steps I need to take?

Yes, this is similar to the last one, but this is a specific step of application – if we don’t take it, then nothing changes.

We are simply seeking that God would transform us by his word.

Quiet your heart.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE FIFTH TIME, SLOWLY.

Ask your group members individually, no pressure, God, what is the specific step or steps you would have me take?

_As you end:_ 

* Encourage people to take action that week what they heard from God.
* Not having an answer is ok.
* Encourage group members, to reengage with the passage during the week.

Download this as a [pdf](https://www.dropbox.com/s/u40yoproq6ti4j4/PracticesLectioDivina.pdf?dl=0).

Return to [DinnerGroupLeader.com](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Sarah Noltner](https://unsplash.com/@sarah%5Fnoltner?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/collections/10032732/bible-study?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_


Lectio Divina with Your Dinner Group

Sickness and chronic pain can add significant emotional and physical stressors on an individual that most likely impact their quality of life; however, these stressors often get missed during brief interactions or go unnoticed.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends and group members who are dealing with sickness and chronic pain?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Aspects of Sickness and Chronic Pain_

Did you know that approximately 50 million Americans are suffering from sickness and chronic pain? According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), chronic pain and illness exist in epidemic proportions here in the US.

Sickness can be temporary due to infection or disease or it can be chronic – this is known as CI: Chronic Illness.

Chronic Pain, known as CP, is ongoing physical discomfort that is severe enough to disrupt normal activities and everyday life. The most common causes of Chronic Pain may be:

1. 1. Back injuries  
   2. Rheumatoid arthritis  
   3. Neuropathy  
   4. Cancer  
   5. Multiple Sclerosis  
   6. Fibromyalgia  
   7. Lupus  
   8. Gastro-intestinal disorders  
   9. Migraine headaches  
   10. Other autoimmune diseases and disorders

Both sickness and chronic pain are known to contribute to high levels of negative emotions and depression. Chronic pain can even have a long-lasting cognitive effect on people, causing the nervous system to deteriorate over time.

Sickness and chronic pain affect every aspect of an individual’s life, including their relationships, their work, their faith community and spiritual beliefs, and their ability to participate in normal activities.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouragement_

LOOK – Realize your friend, family member, coworker or group member may actually not want to acknowledge their sickness or chronic pain. Other times they may need to talk about what it’s like to live with sickness and pain. Pay attention to when they seem open to conversation and when they would rather not talk about it.

ASK – Sometimes individuals going through sickness and chronic pain may need validation like, “This must be a really difficult season for you.” Don’t hesitate to ask questions like:

* * What is it like to have fibromyalgia?  
   * What do you wish people knew about your illness?  
   * How can we support you?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen. They may need extra grace as they experience a variety of emotions (highs and lows), a sense of loss, and struggle with their “new normal.”

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About this Season?_

* * [Isaiah 53:3-4](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/ISA.53.3-4): God knows our pain  
   * [James 1:2-4](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/JAS.1.2-4): Suffering produces growth and maturity  
   * [1 Peter 5:10](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/1PE.5.10): God will restore us someday if we trust in Him

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

OFFER a safe place by allowing them to say, think, and feel whatever they are experiencing during this time. You cannot fix the situation – in fact, most chronic pain can only be managed, not completely healed. Give them space to “just be” in your presence at group. Understand that your group members going through sickness and chronic pain are most likely asking themselves these questions:

* * Why me?  
   * Why can’t I be healed?  
   * Why does God allow pain and suffering?

CONNECT them with other acquaintances who have had similar circumstances – their own sickness or illness in the lives of loved ones. And connect them with [Hoboken Grace Care Team](http://www.hobokengrace.com/support) if they are looking for support or care.

SUGGEST they consider talking to a health professional about their sickness or pain, if they have not done so already and suggest a [counselor](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/2538?open-in-church-center-model=true) who can provide a listening ear and coping skills for this challenging season. Also, suggest these books and resources as they deal with sickness and pain:

* * [Walking with God through Pain and Suffering ](https://www.amazon.com/Walking-God-through-Pain-Suffering/dp/0525952454/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588525546&sr=8-1)by Timothy Keller  
   * [Hope When it Hurts](https://www.amazon.com/Hope-When-Hurts-reflections-suffering/dp/1784980730/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588525620&sr=8-1) by Kristen Wetherell and Sarah Walton  
   * [You’ll Get Through This: Hope and Help for Your Turbulent Times ](https://www.amazon.com/Youll-Get-Through-This-Turbulent/dp/0849948479/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588526611&sr=8-1)by Max Lucado

PRAY for them and ask God to give you opportunities to share his love and hope with your friend, family, coworker or group member going through sickness and chronic pain.

Return to [Care Guides](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/care-guides/)

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Supporting Others Through Sickness

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A Diverse, Growing, Contemporary, Community Church in Hoboken

Everything we do revolves around our mission of helping people find their way back to God. Our goal is to demonstrate who God really is and to let others know that God wants a relationship with each and every one of us.

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