
In November 2011 my husband Rob and I found out that our second baby was diagnosed in utero with a significant heart defect (HLHS). I was scared out of my mind at the unknown of all of this, but found a way to build a community of supporters around the idea that praying for Hayden would keep him safe. In August of 2012, Hayden passed away unexpectedly from a medical error after a procedure. The moment Hayden took his final breaths in my arms, I felt completely isolated and found myself running away from God. I was so angry he hadn’t answered our prayers and hadn’t spared my sweet boy’s life. I didn’t know where I belonged and felt every community or tribe of people I had once felt safe in — and was able to relate to before — was gone.

Soon after he passed, we founded Hayden’s Heart — a nonprofit organization to support families affected by congenital heart defects. While supporting others who are going through something we once did felt amazing, I still felt like there was something missing through his legacy, and I personally felt like I needed something more to help me heal.

Three years in we hosted our first”Healing of the Heart” retreat — a retreat for mothers who had lost a child. It was there that I was able to find my purpose and was able to cultivate a new community of people to relate to — feel safe with — and gave me a sense of belonging, which was all I was looking for since losing him. We all want to feel like we are a part of something, and want to be surrounded by people who can simply say ‘me too.’ It was in this space that I found that — as well as a link to my reconnection to my faith and trust in God.

I knew this feeling I had after being at this retreat was something that all mothers and fathers needed to have the opportunity to attend — not just those hurting from a congenital heart defect loss — and not just a chance to attend once a year, but to find a way to offer these retreats to these broken souls all year round. I had found God again — and I had found my purpose.

This brings me to the present. In the last 2 years we have established Hayden’s House of Healing — with a mission to provide a safe, tranquil space for bereaved mothers, fathers, couples, children and families to heal and connect through a variety of methods and activities offered to assist in the healing process.

We are in the final stages of closing on a house in New Jersey that will allow us to host retreats YEAR ROUND for bereaved parents and families and WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!

Here are some ways you can support us in our mission to support these families:

1. Pray — for the finality of this house — the closing as well as the direction of myself and others in the forefront of this operation.
2. Raise awareness of this space to parents you may know who have lost a child. Share our website with them and have them contact us if they wish to learn more.
3. [Donate to and share our campaign](https://www.classy.org/campaign/haydens-house-needs-you/c220142) to help us raise the funds needed to close on this house, furnish and prepare it for these healing retreat.

THANK YOU for listening to our story and for your support!

Please reach out if you have any questions!!

www.haydenshouse.org

Ady.dorsett@haydensheart.org


Hayden’s House of Healing

Some of our group members may be the primary or assistant caregiver of an aging parent or loved one.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our group members who are dealing with the stress of being a caregiver?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Caregiving_

One of the most universally challenging roles a person can assume is that of being a caregiver to a loved one. And did you know that over 40 million Americans serve as family caregivers, providing daily unpaid support to an aging family member?

Caring for an aging loved one can take a heavy toll on the caregiver and the family, and there are significant emotional, vocational, and financial concerns. Caregivers often have to quit their jobs, take early retirement, or have a leave of absence. Here are some recent stats about caregivers.

1. 1. 75% say caregiving is a source of pride because they make a difference in the life of their loved one  
   2. 74% say their jobs are impacted  
   3. 69% say caring for a loved one is the #1 source of stress in their lives  
   4. 60% are worried about the financial impact caregiving will have on their savings  
   5. 58% provide more than 10 hours of care for a loved one each week  
   6. 42% spend well over $5,000 each year “out-of-pocket” to provide care for their loved one  
   7. 27% are in the “Sandwich Generation” – caring for their children as well as aging parents  
   8. 1 in 4 caregivers say family relationships have suffered because of caregiving responsibilities  
   9. 3 in 5 caregivers share a home with the loved one for whom they provide care

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Caring_

_LOOK_– Realize your group member may actually need time to grieve the loss of what life looked like before caring for their parents. They may need to go through the five stages of grief:

* * Denial: My parents will get better soon  
   * Anger: Why do I have to be the one to take care of them?  
   * Bargaining (with God): Release me from this, God, and I will do whatever else you want me to do, just not this!  
   * Depression: I’m so sad, frustrated, angry, disappointed that this is my life now.  
   * Acceptance: I’m at peace with our new phase of life, and I will do whatever it takes to care for my aging parents to the best of my ability. It is what it is.

_ASK_ – Sometimes our group members need our empathy and positive encouragement. And your questions can help them think ahead or think outside of themselves:

* * How’s your mom or dad doing today?  
   * What is it like to be taking care of your parents? Is that hard?  
   * What can I do to support you?

_LISTEN_ – Be available just to listen to your group member talk about whatever they need to share, including stories about their parents, in the present and past.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Caregiving?_

* * [Ecclesiastes 3:1-8](https://my.bible.com/111/ecc.3.1-8): This is just a season  
   * [Matthew 11:28-30](https://my.bible.com/111/mat.11.28-30): God sees us when we are tired and weary  
   * [Philippians 4:10-13](https://my.bible.com/111/php.4.10-13): God gives us strength

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

_OFFER_ affirmative and positive feedback but don’t assume you know how your group member feels, because you don’t. Give grace and encourage them.

_CONNECT_ with them in a fun way to escape the stress of this season like morning coffee or lunch with friends, where conversation is light, funny and interesting.

_SUGGEST_ a [Counselor](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/2538?open-in-church-center-model=true) if they are really struggling or need an outside perspective. Invite them to attend a Hoboken Grace Church service with you. And if they enjoy reading, give them the gift of a helpful resource, such as:

* * [The Caregiving Season: Finding Grace to Honor Your Aging Parents](https://www.amazon.com/Caregiving-Season-Finding-Grace-Parents/dp/1589978692/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1589131248&sr=8-1) by Jane Daly  
   * [While They’re Still Here: A Memoir](https://www.amazon.com/While-Theyre-Still-Here-Memoir/dp/163152240X/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1589131282&sr=8-1) by Patricia Williams

_PRAY_ for your group member, their aging parent, and the details of their caregiving situation.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Georg Arthur Pflueger](https://unsplash.com/@knurpselknie?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting A Caregiver

Sometimes the first few weeks of a new job or new career can be exciting, as well as difficult and challenging.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends, coworkers, and group members who are dealing with the stress of starting a new job?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Elements of Stress in a New Job_

Starting a new job means a time of proving oneself, of learning new routine, meeting new people, learning new personalities, taking on new challenges, mastering a new schedule and set of goals, and facing the typical politics of the workplace.

Taking on a new job or new career may also cause stress and anxiety related to expectations, and learning a new task can be challenging to deal with, possibly causing feelings of inadequacy. It is also common to experience fatigue, difficulty sleeping, and problems concentrating along with the stress and anxiety. Some degree of this is normal and to be expected in those first few weeks and months.

If we’re going to empathize with a group member or friend starting a new career, it’s important to understand the legitimate worries most of us have when starting a new job:

1. 1. Do I actually know what I am doing?  
   2. Will my coworkers like me?  
   3. Will the boss like me or will everyone like me as their boss?  
   4. What if I make a big mistake on the job?  
   5. I feel overwhelmed. Am I really cut out for this job?  
   6. I’m so going to get fired for this?

Recognize that new job stress affects the entire family, particularly when a physical move is required.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouragement_

LOOK- Realize if it is a new coworker, they may actually need time to get to know you and trust you as someone they can come to with a question or frustration.

ASK – Sometimes our coworkers and group members need our empathy, understanding, and positive encouragement. You too were once new on the job! So, don’t hesitate to ask questions like:

* * How are you settling in to your new job?  
   * How is your family adjusting to your new schedule or your new career?  
   * What can I do to support you?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen to your coworker or group member talk about whatever they need to share or when they have questions about the way things are done.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Work and Stress?_

* * [Matthew 6:25-34:](https://my.bible.com/111/mat.6.25-34) Don’t worry  
   * [Colossians 3:23](https://my.bible.com/111/col.3.23): Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart  
   * [Galatians 6:4-5](https://my.bible.com/97/gal.6.4-5) (The Message): Do the best you can with your life

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Coworker or Group Member_

OFFER affirmation and positive feedback. Share helpful workplace expectations. Encourage them to be a listener and a learner as they lead in this new space.

CONNECT them with other coworkers or group members and different teams over lunch, coffee or conversation in the workplace.

SUGGEST healthy personal rhythms as they establish a new professional rhythm – because there is a tendency to overwork during the first few months of a new job. Ask them what they like to do for fun, exercise, family time or down-time on the weekend. Suggest these books on how to best lead and influence in the workplace:

* * [Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter](https://www.amazon.com/Multipliers-Best-Leaders-Everyone-Smarter-ebook/dp/B003M69A4Q/ref=sr%5F1%5F2?crid=QRAZ957BBZ70&dchild=1&keywords=how+the+best+leaders+make+everyone+smarter&qid=1588712366&sprefix=how+the+best+leaders%2Caps%2C144&sr=8-2) by Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown  
   * [The Way of the Shepherd: Seven Secrets to Managing Productive People](https://www.amazon.com/Way-Shepherd-Ancient-Managing-Productive/dp/0310250978/ref=sr%5F1%5F1?crid=31SSL7RFHPUI2&dchild=1&keywords=the+way+of+the+shepherd+kevin+leman&qid=1588712448&sprefix=the+way+of+the+shep%2Caps%2C146&sr=8-1) by William Pentak and Kevin Leman

PRAY for them and ask God to give you opportunities to share his love with your friend, family, coworker or group member going through this new season.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Glenn Carstens-Peters](https://unsplash.com/@glenncarstenspeters?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/new-job?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others In a New Job

Some of our friends and group members may have a new baby either through birth or adoption.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends and group members who are adjusting to life with a new baby?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Adjusting to Life with a Baby_

Self-care is at an all-time low, particularly for the mother.

Financial pressure increases – particularly if one parent chooses to stay at home instead of return to work.

Health issues for the birth mom and newborn are a real concern – not to mention the rollercoaster of hormones and emotions.

Lack of sleep heightens stressful situations and conversations for the parents.

Parenting other children in the family as they adjust to a new baby is also a focus and sometimes a concern during this time.

Most parents experience guilt when returning to work after having a new baby or adopting – especially if this is their first child.

Anxiety over pumping in the office – the topic no one wants to talk about but is a reality for many first-time moms who are breastfeeding their babies and going back to work.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouraging New Parents_ 

LOOK – Realize your group member may actually need time to ease back into their new normal as a friend, coworker and now a parent. It may take a few days or weeks before they are able to bring their best. Recognize that there may be tension and guilt they may feel when the time comes for them to return back to work.

ASK – Sometimes our group members need our encouragement during this time. Check in with them by asking a few questions:

* * How is the baby? How is everyone adjusting at home?  
   * Is there anything I can do to support you?  
   * Do you have time to grab coffee so we can catch up?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen to your group member talk about whatever they need to share. Keep in mind this time is often an emotional rollercoaster. Tears are normal, as is wanting to dive back into routine.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Parenting?_

* * [2 Corinthians 3:4-5](https://my.bible.com/111/2CO.3.4-5): God gives us confidence to be competent as parents  
   * [Proverbs 22:6](https://my.bible.com/111/Pro.22.6): Parenting God’s Way  
   * [Philippians 4:6-7](https://my.bible.com/111/php.4.6-7): God gives us peace

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

OFFER encouragement and support – especially if you understand what they are going through. Share your own stories (funny or frustrating) as a way of normalizing the circumstances; but be mindful to listen more than you share.

CONNECT with them in a fun way to escape the stress of this season like morning coffee or lunch with work friends, where conversation is light, funny and interesting, and not all about babies, kids or parenting woes.

SUGGEST a [Counselor](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/2538?open-in-church-center-model=true) if they are really struggling to adjust to this new season; invite them to attend a Hoboken Grace Church service with you. And if they enjoy reading, give them the gift of a helpful resource, such as:

* * [How We Love Our Kids by Milan](https://www.amazon.com/How-Love-Our-Kids-Parenting/dp/0307729249/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588527824&sr=8-1) and Kay Yerkovich  
   * [First Time Mom: Getting Off on the Right Foot](https://www.amazon.com/First-Time-Mom-Kevin-Leman/dp/0842360387/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588527885&sr=8-1) by Dr. Kevin Leman  
   * [First Time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need to Know](https://www.amazon.com/First-Time-Dad-Stuff-Really/dp/0802487505/ref=tmm%5Fpap%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588527932&sr=8-3) by John Fuller

PRAY for your group member, their new baby, their spouse, and the rest of their family.

Return to [Care Guides](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/care-guides/)

_Photo by [Alex Pasarelu](https://unsplash.com/@bellefoto?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/baby-feet?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others Adjusting to Life with a New Baby

_Well, no. But, there are ways you can start preparing. Kristen and Eric share their experience with the NINE class._

After being married for several years, Kristen and Eric decided the time had come to finally start a family. Already very active at Hoboken Grace, they decided to take NINE, a class about becoming a parent, based on a friend’s recommendation. 

“Nine is a class series which helps prepare soon-to-be parents for the journey of parenthood with both practical and spiritual advice, accompanied with wisdom from Chris as a pastor and a parent,” says Kristen, who dove in during her second trimester while pregnant with her son, William.

NINE the perfect class for those currently expecting. NINE was built to mentally prepare and give practical information to those soon-to-be parents, but most importantly, teach the role of discipleship through God and His teachings.

“Learning the Biblical principles that support practical parenting decisions has allowed us to confidently establish our strategies regarding sleep training, discipline and discipleship,” Eric and Kristen say.

Speaking of sleep, any parents or parents-to-be out there? One concern we have heard is that parents are worried about the lack of sleep they will endure when starting a family. Thankfully, NINE addresses this topic, teaching that it is important for both the baby and the parents to be able to sleep as much as they can. In return, it allows the parents to be the best they can be. The method Pastor Chris goes over is called the _Babywise Method,_ which Kristen and Eric have found to be successful. 

“Sleep is an absolutely crucial part of life for both parents and growing children. Because of _Babywise,_ our son, William, receives the sleep he needs on a daily/nightly basis. And as such, we receive the sleep we need to be the best parents we can be to him,” states the happily refreshed couple.

NINE will start up again this June with as many as 12 couples in this intimate, six-week class. If you or someone you know is expecting, Kristen and Eric, along with others, agree that this is a must-take class.

If you too want “an enriching experience prior to becoming a new parent,” then wait no longer as [registration](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/171130) fills up quickly!


Do Babies Come With Manuals?

### **PURPOSE**

Lectio Divina means “divine reading.” It is a way of listening to the text of scripture more as a conversation with Jesus where he is suggesting the topic of conversation. It could be explained as “bible basking” rather than “bible study” where we meditate on scripture, converse with God openly, and live out his word. To get acquainted with this rhythm takes practice and gets easier each time we do it. Lectio Divina allows us to learn to be quiet – silence the voices of responsibility, self, family, religion – and listen to God and what he wants to say to us. You can practice Lectio Divina individually, with another person, or with a group.

### **LECTIO DIVINA AS A GROUP**

#### Tips on How to Implement

* Sitting in a circle is helpful for connection
* The key to this practice is listening.
* You don’t have to be a perfectionist. Be simple, open and honest.
* Several different options on reading:  
   * One person reads every time  
   * Different people read each time  
   * Every time the passage is read, it is read in a different translation
* Explore different ways of this practice and find what works for you
* There are times when you practice Lectio Divina with a familiar passage or a passage from a sermon. It is imperative to put aside the voices and outlines of others and listen to God’s impression to you.
* The question we ask is – What does God want to say to you today?
* The practice of Lectio Divina helps us be present to God. There is never a time he is not present with us. He abides and dwells in us. The only person not present is me.

#### Resources on How To Find a Passage

* [YouVersion](https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app/) or Bible.com’s verse of the day
* [The Message: Solo: An Uncommon Devotional by Eugene Peterson](https://www.amazon.com/Message-Solo-Uncommon-Devotional/dp/1600061052)
* [Write the Word Journal by Lara Casey](https://cultivatewhatmatters.com/collections/journals)

### **BE FULLY PRESENT**

#### Walking Your Group Through Preparing Your Heart and Mind

Get comfortable in your chair. Don’t jump ahead and begin to study the passage.

Relax

* Close your eyes
* Relax your shoulders
* Relaxing will help you be present to God
* Relax your jawbone and face

Breathe

* Breathe in and out with deep breaths
* God breathed life into us
* Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out

Smile

* Begin to smile!
* Scripture says give thanks in all circumstances
* It is hard not to be present with God when we smile
* Smiling Reflects the good gifts that come from him

### LECTIO DIVINA

#### Walking Your Group Through the Practice of Lectio Divina

_This is written in script form to help you lead your group through this practice._ 

We will read the passage as a group multiple times. Don’t guess what I’m going to say, or out read me, just listen and follow as I guide you through.

The first time I am simply going to read the passage and I want you to just listen.

Each time I read, I will read slowly. (_Don’t enunciate or highlight things because we do not want to share our impressions with others.)_

Let go of distracting thoughts and listen with you heart.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

_Before you read the second time:_ 

Ask your group to make a note or jot down anything they hear. During this second reading, Ask the Lord, what word or phrase are you highlighting for me?

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE SECOND TIME, SLOWLY.

Ask your group members individually, what word or phrase was God highlighting for you? Don’t pressure it – be honest about it. (_During this time, encourage your group members to NOT give an explanation. Just simply share the word or phrase of scripture.)_ It is okay to not have an answer.

_Before you read the third time:_

Ask the Lord, why that phrase or that word? In your heart and silence, you can ask the Lord why that word or phrase.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE THIRD TIME, SLOWLY.

No pressure, but ask each person what they felt God was saying.

(_Remember: as you lead your group you may want to give commentary or encouragement, resist the urge to do so.)_

_Before you read the fourth time:_

As you listen to the Lord with a listening heart, ask God, is there a response you want from me?

This is not about your three step plan to follow God’s prompting.

Lord, what is the response you want me to make?

If we listen, we can be surprised that he has something surprising for us.

Quiet your heart.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE FOURTH TIME, SLOWLY.

Ask your group members individually, no pressure, what response does God want me to make?

_Before you read the fifth time:_

God, is there a specific step or steps I need to take?

Yes, this is similar to the last one, but this is a specific step of application – if we don’t take it, then nothing changes.

We are simply seeking that God would transform us by his word.

Quiet your heart.

#### READ PASSAGE FOR THE FIFTH TIME, SLOWLY.

Ask your group members individually, no pressure, God, what is the specific step or steps you would have me take?

_As you end:_ 

* Encourage people to take action that week what they heard from God.
* Not having an answer is ok.
* Encourage group members, to reengage with the passage during the week.

Download this as a [pdf](https://www.dropbox.com/s/u40yoproq6ti4j4/PracticesLectioDivina.pdf?dl=0).

Return to [DinnerGroupLeader.com](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Sarah Noltner](https://unsplash.com/@sarah%5Fnoltner?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/collections/10032732/bible-study?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_


Lectio Divina with Your Dinner Group

Sickness and chronic pain can add significant emotional and physical stressors on an individual that most likely impact their quality of life; however, these stressors often get missed during brief interactions or go unnoticed.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends and group members who are dealing with sickness and chronic pain?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Aspects of Sickness and Chronic Pain_

Did you know that approximately 50 million Americans are suffering from sickness and chronic pain? According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), chronic pain and illness exist in epidemic proportions here in the US.

Sickness can be temporary due to infection or disease or it can be chronic – this is known as CI: Chronic Illness.

Chronic Pain, known as CP, is ongoing physical discomfort that is severe enough to disrupt normal activities and everyday life. The most common causes of Chronic Pain may be:

1. 1. Back injuries  
   2. Rheumatoid arthritis  
   3. Neuropathy  
   4. Cancer  
   5. Multiple Sclerosis  
   6. Fibromyalgia  
   7. Lupus  
   8. Gastro-intestinal disorders  
   9. Migraine headaches  
   10. Other autoimmune diseases and disorders

Both sickness and chronic pain are known to contribute to high levels of negative emotions and depression. Chronic pain can even have a long-lasting cognitive effect on people, causing the nervous system to deteriorate over time.

Sickness and chronic pain affect every aspect of an individual’s life, including their relationships, their work, their faith community and spiritual beliefs, and their ability to participate in normal activities.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouragement_

LOOK – Realize your friend, family member, coworker or group member may actually not want to acknowledge their sickness or chronic pain. Other times they may need to talk about what it’s like to live with sickness and pain. Pay attention to when they seem open to conversation and when they would rather not talk about it.

ASK – Sometimes individuals going through sickness and chronic pain may need validation like, “This must be a really difficult season for you.” Don’t hesitate to ask questions like:

* * What is it like to have fibromyalgia?  
   * What do you wish people knew about your illness?  
   * How can we support you?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen. They may need extra grace as they experience a variety of emotions (highs and lows), a sense of loss, and struggle with their “new normal.”

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About this Season?_

* * [Isaiah 53:3-4](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/ISA.53.3-4): God knows our pain  
   * [James 1:2-4](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/JAS.1.2-4): Suffering produces growth and maturity  
   * [1 Peter 5:10](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/1PE.5.10): God will restore us someday if we trust in Him

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

OFFER a safe place by allowing them to say, think, and feel whatever they are experiencing during this time. You cannot fix the situation – in fact, most chronic pain can only be managed, not completely healed. Give them space to “just be” in your presence at group. Understand that your group members going through sickness and chronic pain are most likely asking themselves these questions:

* * Why me?  
   * Why can’t I be healed?  
   * Why does God allow pain and suffering?

CONNECT them with other acquaintances who have had similar circumstances – their own sickness or illness in the lives of loved ones. And connect them with [Hoboken Grace Care Team](http://www.hobokengrace.com/support) if they are looking for support or care.

SUGGEST they consider talking to a health professional about their sickness or pain, if they have not done so already and suggest a [counselor](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/2538?open-in-church-center-model=true) who can provide a listening ear and coping skills for this challenging season. Also, suggest these books and resources as they deal with sickness and pain:

* * [Walking with God through Pain and Suffering ](https://www.amazon.com/Walking-God-through-Pain-Suffering/dp/0525952454/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588525546&sr=8-1)by Timothy Keller  
   * [Hope When it Hurts](https://www.amazon.com/Hope-When-Hurts-reflections-suffering/dp/1784980730/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588525620&sr=8-1) by Kristen Wetherell and Sarah Walton  
   * [You’ll Get Through This: Hope and Help for Your Turbulent Times ](https://www.amazon.com/Youll-Get-Through-This-Turbulent/dp/0849948479/ref=tmm%5Fhrd%5Fswatch%5F0?%5Fencoding=UTF8&qid=1588526611&sr=8-1)by Max Lucado

PRAY for them and ask God to give you opportunities to share his love and hope with your friend, family, coworker or group member going through sickness and chronic pain.

Return to [Care Guides](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/care-guides/)

_Photo by [Hush Naidoo](https://unsplash.com/@hush52?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/stethoscope?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others Through Sickness

Whether it’s a first-time move or a series of moves, moving to a new home and a new area can be a stressful event in our lives.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our group members who are moving _to_ or _from_ our community?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Moving_

Moving and buying a new home is not for the faint hearted, especially when there is a new job and a family involved. So, it’s helpful to understand the stress and emotions your group member may be experiencing with moving to show you care.

According to financial author, Laura Doolin, there are [Five Emotional Stages of Moving](https://thefinancialdiet.com/5-emotional-stages-moving-new-city/), especially to a new city:

1\. _Excitement_: I get to start over in a new place!  
2\. _Terror:_ What am I doing?!  
3\. _Doubt:_ Is this the right decision?  
4\. _Apprehensive Enthusiasm_: This will be a good thing (said repeatedly).  
5\. _Acceptance:_ There’s no turning back – this is the best decision for me/us in this season.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Helping_

_LOOK_ – Realize your group member might be stressed about moving and may handle their stress differently than you do. They may be stressed if you notice any of these symptoms:

* * Fuzzy thinking or decision-making  
   * High intensity at group  
   * Physical exhaustion or illness  
   * Loss of appetite or excessive eating, drinking, etc.

_ASK_ – Sometimes our group members need help, they just don’t know hot to ask for it. So here are a few questions you can ask them:

* * What’s the latest with your move?  
   * How can I support you this week?  
   * Which day suits best to bring a meal for your family?  
   * When is your moving day, and where do I show up to help? Or what night suits best for me to help you unpack some boxes?

_LISTEN_ – Be available just to listen to your group member talk about the moving process, including their biggest stressors; avoiding telling stories about your own crazy moving experiences.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Helping Others?_

* * [Hebrews 13:16](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/HEB.13.16): Helping others pleases God  
   * [Galatians 6:2](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/GAL.6.2): Helping others is a command, not just a suggestion  
   * [James 2:14-17](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/JAS.2.14-17): Helping others is how we express our faith

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

_OFFER_ any help you are able to give – at work or at home (projects, packing, garage-sales, meals, carpool, etc.)

_WELCOME_ them if they are a new group member. Introduce them to others in the community. Invite them to lunch or connection events. Let them know you are available if they have questions or concerns as they adjust to their new environment.

_CONNECT_ them to a new friend or new small group in your area or in the area where they are moving to or to a trusted moving/real estate service.

_SHARE_ the link to listen to [Hoboken Grace Online](http://hobokengrace.com/online-opportunities/) as a way to relieve stress.

_SUGGEST_ your favorite places to shop, eat, go to school, find services, etc. if they are new to your area.

_PRAY_ for your group member, for their family, and for their “new normal” as they move to a new home in a new area

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Matthew Hamilton](https://unsplash.com/@thatsmrbio?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/moving-boxes?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting a Group Member Who is Moving

Have you ever had the feeling that you could be experiencing more of God? It’s this nudge inside of you that suggests there’s more. Sometimes it comes while you are listening to Pastor Chris speak or watching people get baptized or listening to a worship song or sharing with a dinner group friend. 

Perhaps there is no nudge. There is only unrest. A weekend away doesn’t seem to fix that deep unrest that won’t go away. You think it’s just a busy season, but you are starting to suspect it may simply be your life.

I found myself there a few years ago. I wasn’t where I needed to be spiritually to be the wife, mom, friend and leader I was called to be. Everything felt hard ー too hard. Hoboken Grace kept expanding, our family kept growing, and my life kept taking unexpected turns. With every new season, my personal experience of God took a hit until I hit a wall and there was nowhere left to turn but to Him. I knew that if I was going to be who He has called me to be I needed Him. Not just on Sunday, not just in dinner group ー every day in every season.

I did two things that have DRASTICALLY impacted my experience of God. 

**1\. I replaced my social media app with an app called First 5\.** 

You must find something that works for you in order to spend time in God’s word CONSISTENTLY! This app works for me whether I have only 5 to 10 minutes or more time to dive deeper. It also has group chats so I am communicating with friends on it about what we are learning and how it applies to our lives. It also goes through a book of the Bible at a time, which means you get the full picture of books which is super important in your study of God’s word. It has worked for me, but you must not give up in finding what will work for you. 

**2\. I started taking one day away with God every three months.**

Yes, a full day away. It took some time to get used to (the first time I made it two hours before I called a friend and asked her what I should do). Now the day flies by, and I often wish it could be longer. In case you want to give it a try, here’s what a typical day away with God can look like:

1. Schedule the day the way you would schedule any other important event. It doesn’t get moved just because another event came up.
2. Start the day with whatever helps you clear your mind. Maybe that’s taking a walk or bike ride. Maybe it’s yoga. For me it’s always a workout. It may sound odd, but it helps my mind STOP when I push my body to its limits physically. I also listen to worship songs and let my mind be consumed by thoughts of Him.
3. Once there, my time with God follows a rhythm of confession (ways I know I am not being who I am created to be), gratitude (acknowledging everything good in my life is a gift from Him), and time with a Bible and journal. Spending time in God’s word is CRUCIAL because it is a letter written with you in mind and He has something to share through it. Your journal is so you can write out what is on your heart and where you are. Writing it down helps you stay focused.
4. Halfway through, do something you enjoy WITH God that brings you rest. God is fun and He would LOVE to enjoy His time with you. He will meet you anywhere! I have gone to the beach, to the spa or to my favorite lunch spot with Him. You may be wondering what “with Him” means. For me, it’s that I keep doing my reading while having lunch or I talk to Him the way I would with a friend. If you are new to that it will take some time, but I promise you will get there.
5. Go back to your Bible and journal. I try to end the day by asking Him who He wants me to pray for or encourage. He often brings someone to mind throughout the day, and so this is the time I take to reach out to that person. I can’t tell you how many times the response I get back is, “This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you!”

These two things may seem too time-consuming, and I completely understand that fear! It seems counterproductive and even selfish. But if you’re tired of getting the nudge without doing anything about it, if you want ACTUAL rest from the One who knows you best – give it a shot. 

You can even do it with friends who want to try it with you. Doing it with a friend means you come back at the end of your alone time and you share what you read, what you heard, what you experienced. Friendships like that are a lifeline and will help deepen your experience of God.

_Hoboken Grace has resources available to help you in your journey with God – [RightNow Media](https://accounts.rightnow.org/Account/Invite/hobokengrace?returnUrl=https://www.rightnowmedia.org/Account/Media/InviteReturn) (free access to a library of video studies), [Rhythms](http://hobokengrace.com/rhythms/) (a way to build daily habits, also found in our app), [Axiom](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/registrations/events/147651) (a weekend retreat), and all [past messages](http://hobokengrace.com/podcast/)._


Take a Day

This past weekend was one for remember for sure. I think there’s a few key takeaways coming out of an Easter weekend like this one. – And some amazing photos to capture it.

1\. Jesus walked out of that tomb for YOU. Sometimes we get lost in everything that surrounds us and the holiday, and forget that Jesus defeating death is an extremely personal thing. He knew you’d be here, reading this, and He wants you to know He’s on a crazy rescue mission to save you from spiritual death.

2\. The myth that many of us believed was this, that this Easter story was built over generations. We learned this weekend that Paul and his letters give us more concrete resources than we might’ve previously thought.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/Artboard-1-1024x576.png)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/Artboard-1.png)

3\. God is alive and working. Yes, even right here. For those who got to serve throughout the weekend, you felt the energy and excitement. You got to see first-hand the people that walked through our doors for the first time, and you got to share a smile. You got to love thousands of people. And you got to see people take the step of baptism – a physical representation of a change happening in their life.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/Artboard-1-copy-3-1024x576.png)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/Artboard-1-copy-3.png)

4\. You are here for a purpose. You weren’t born here by accident. You didn’t move here without cause. God has you here on purpose, for a purpose. The only questions is – do we believe that?

5\. Easter goes beyond any one of us, and yet comes back to each one of us. Looking back at the weekend, what did you see in others and what did you see God doing in you?

We hope everyone enjoyed the weekend!

_If you missed it, here’s the [Easter conversation](http://hobokengrace.com/series/easter-hoboken-grace-2019/)._

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/Artboard-1-copy-2-e1556219909758-1024x448.png)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/Artboard-1-copy-2.png)


For YOU

_The following exercise is from our partners at Axiom. To discover more resources visit [christouraxiom.com/resources/](https://christouraxiom.com/resources/)_

### **SPIRITUAL MAPPING EXERCISE AS A GROUP**

As a leader, we suggest leading a person or group of people through these four questions. The person(s) simply needs time to write on a blank piece of paper their answers to these four questions. Give time & space to go slowly, encouraging people to not be in a hurry, yet tell them to not be-labor their responses.

Answer these 4 questions as they apply to you today- THIS PRESENT MOMENT!

#### Q1: What are the major questions (or question) you are asking in this season of your life?

List those that come to mind without a lot of laboring

#### Q2: What are the core truths that you are clinging to today?

Again, list those that come to mind easily

#### Q3: Take a moment here. Sit before God quietly. Welcome Him into what you’ve just written (above). Invite the Holy Spirit to speak. Then, after a brief time in silence, look carefully at your answers to Q1 & Q2\. At first glance, there may not seem to be anything in common between your two sets of answers, but more than likely, there is an intersection where your major questions and core truths meet. Take note of that intersection and when you’re ready… in one sentence, a short phrase, or a visual picture, Describe the place you’re standing in right now?

_Examples: Close by with His eyes looking into mine, in the distance staring away from me? Behind me beckoning me to take a step? Right alongside, holding my hand. A million miles away?_

#### Q4: As you look at your answer to Q3, in one sentence, a short phrase, or visual picture, Tell me where Jesus is in this place you’re standing today…and, if you can, how would you describe Him?

_Examples: Close by with His eyes looking into mine, in the distance staring away from me? Behind me beckoning me to take a step? Right alongside, holding my hand. A million miles away?)_

After those 4 questions have your group pause and review their answers before sharing with one another.

**Final Discussion Question:** 

Let’s talk openly about what seems to be shimmering (standing out) right now for you. Are you surprised by anything you’ve written? What’s particularly interesting? How do you feel as you read your answers to question 3 and question 4?

Return to [DinnerGroupLeader.com](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Aaron Burden](https://unsplash.com/@aaronburden?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/journaling?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_ 


Spiritual Mapping (GPS) Exercise


From the moment I started attending Hoboken Grace three years ago, all I wanted to do at the Easter Egg Hunt was be a bunny. This year, my dream finally came true.

Walking into Mama Johnson Field at 7 a.m., I was so excited about being involved that I forgot just how tired I was. After helping set up, I got into the dugout, where my costume awaited. It was my time to shine. All bunnied up, I was escorted onto the field by my travel companion, ready to take my place and await families coming to take pictures.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/47551178782_8b0c60e7e8_k-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/47551178782%5F8b0c60e7e8%5Fk.jpg)

Pastor Chris got on the loudspeaker to announce we were minutes away from welcoming families onto the field. Thankfully, I had my travel champion, Shelley, who would announce when a child was coming to take a picture with me. This helped immensely, due to my lack of vision. Knowing that I couldn’t talk or see, I figured it might just be easier to sit still and make the same motions over and over. As I made giant arm movements motioning for little ones to come sit on my lap or sit next to me, I never would have anticipated what happened next.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/33728359618_5f21845c5a_k-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/33728359618%5F5f21845c5a%5Fk.jpg)

Some kids who came to sit with me would scream, some wouldn’t say anything at all, and others, well, they melted my heart. I remember feeling a little hot under the mask when all of a sudden, I heard Shelley call out “Cottontail,” and three little bodies were near me. One little girl grabbed my fingers and squeezed. Another little girl hugged my left arm. The third was on my lap and leaning all the way into me. As if that didn’t completely leave you breathless, another mother told me she was handing me her 4-week-old baby. There were countless other interactions like this.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/47552572492_e72636e9af_o-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/47552572492%5Fe72636e9af%5Fo.jpg)

I was left speechless by the amount of love I saw that morning, even through a mask with no visibility. I saw love between those families. I saw love between people like Shelley and my leaders. I saw love from every single person who put attention to detail into where those bunnies were going to sit, the backdrop behind them and the photographers taking those free family photos. And then there was the feeling I experienced as those kids sat beside me, eager to pose with Cottontail.

I initially wanted to be a bunny because I thought it would be fun and active. What the experience brought me, though, was so much more than I ever could have imagined.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC_0177-1024x628.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC%5F0177.jpg)

_This weekend the celebration continues into Easter! You’re invited to be part of any of our services._

_Good Friday – 5:00pm | 6:30pm_

_Easter Celebration – Saturday – 5:00pm – Sunday- 8:30am | 10:00am | 11:30am | 1:00pm_

_301 Garden Street, Hoboken_

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC_0224-1-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC%5F0224-1.jpg)


Through A Bunny’s Eyes

In case you somehow haven’t already heard, this past Saturday Hoboken Grace hosted their annual Easter Egg Hunt, which keeps growing year after year. This year we got to help create happy memories for 6,215 participants. But, what makes the day so special are the volunteers. 417 of them to be exact and they don’t all attend Hoboken Grace – that’s the point.

This event is one of three events throughout the year that’s specifically designed to give anyone the opportunity to be part of something significant (The other two are 1Day, filled with community service projects, and the Hoboken Christmas Exchange.).

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC05207-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC05207.jpg)

Anthony, Head Assistant Wrestling Coach at Stevens, understands that this isn’t about just one group of people loving others – it’s a community coming together to love their community.

“Every event is a great community event for my athletes…for them to serve and become better people.”

Some of his athletes have never heard of Hoboken Grace, but still showed up, seizing the chance to do something different with their Saturday. If you were there, you probably saw them hosting a variety of games and activities with the kids at the hunt.

![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/unnamed-file-1024x527.jpg)

Anthony shares, “As Christians we want to help, but deep down everyone wants to help.” 

The proof is in their attitude. The team showed up, wanted to lift the heaviest objects to help out, and were so excited to be there. 

“None of the events I share are mandatory. I give them opportunities to become a better wrestler, I want to make sure I also share opportunities to become a better person.”

What a great reason for an invitation. So glad you were all there to make the day so exciting!

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC_0319-1024x780.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/DSC%5F0319.jpg)

_This weekend the celebration continues into Easter! You’re invited to be part of any of our services._

_Good Friday – 5:00pm | 6:30pm_

_[Easter Celebration](http://hobokeneaster.com) – Saturday – 5:00pm – Sunday- 8:30am | 10:00am | 11:30am | 1:00pm_

_301 Garden Street, Hoboken_

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/4.13.19.HG_.Egg-Hunt.46-1024x683.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/04/4.13.19.HG%5F.Egg-Hunt.46.jpg)

_(Volunteer Huddle Before the Event.)_


Bringing In The Muscle

Sometimes we have friends, coworkers or group members who are convicted of a crime or have loved ones serving time in jail.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our friends, coworkers, and group members who are dealing with a jail sentence or the incarceration of someone they love?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Imprisonment_

Incarceration of a loved one causes a lot of emotional, mental, physical, financial and relational stress.

Separation from loved ones serving time in jail and the stress caused by the separation can have long-lasting ripple effects on everyone affected, personally and publicly, not to mention the potential stress and trauma experienced prior to incarceration.

Understand that individuals and their families experiencing the heartbreak of incarceration deal with a heightened sense of these emotions on a daily basis:

1. 1. Guilt  
   2. Anger  
   3. Loneliness  
   4. Resentment  
   5. Embarrassment

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Encouragement_

LOOK- Realize your group member might be stressed about this situation but too embarrassed to talk about it. They are most likely concerned about:

* * Public perception  
   * Personal loss and the loneliness of separation  
   * Impact on the rest of the family, particularly children  
   * Finances and job security  
   * Feelings of confusion, anger or betrayal regarding the conviction

ASK – Sometimes our group members need our support even when they try to appear strong and independent. So here are a few questions you can ask them:

* * Is there anything I can do to support you and your family?  
   * What do you need most right now?  
   * How can I help you with what you have going on this week?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen to your group member talk about the situation. Avoid sharing your own take on the situation.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Work and Stress?_

* * [Jeremiah 29:11-14](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/jer.29.11-14): God knows the future  
   * [Psalm 34:18](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/psa.34.18): God is with you  
   * [Joshua 1:9](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/jos.1.9): God gives us strength

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Coworker or Group Member_

OFFER empathy and concern, and DON’T JUDGE – if your group member is dealing with a loved one in jail, give some grace. Recognize that your group member is not the one convicted of a crime; try to understand how hard it may be for them to be in this situation too.

CONNECT with them in supportive ways such as a sending a card, leaving notes, or giving small gifts.

SHARE the link to listen to [Hoboken Grace Online](https://hobokengrace.com/online-opportunities/) or a copy of [What on Earth Am I Here For?](https://www.amazon.com/Rick-Warren-Purpose-Hardcover-Expanded/dp/B01FMVQXMK/ref=sr%5F1%5F3?crid=3FLH1N4B70BW4&dchild=1&keywords=what+on+earth+am+i+here+for&qid=1587484720&sprefix=what+on+ear%2Caps%2C143&sr=8-3) book as a way to encourage them during this time.

SUGGEST [Hoboken Grace’s Care Team](https://hobokengrace.com/support/) if they need help, other resources, support and care.

PRAY for them and ask God to give you opportunities to share his love with your friend, family, coworker or group member going through this new season.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Glenn Carstens-Peters](https://unsplash.com/@glenncarstenspeters?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/new-job?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others Through Imprisonment

Whether it is the excitement of getting married or the stress of a frustrating friend situation, relationships can bring out the best in us and the worst.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our coworkers and group members who are experiencing the excitement or stress of relationships (marriage) in their lives?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding the Stress of Relationships_

Getting married, moving in with new roommates, or dealing with family can bring joy and stress to our lives. Relational joys and stressors are inevitable because we are human.

 According to pastor and author, Pete Scazzero, the highs and lows of our relationships are often influenced by an individual’s emotional health. Here are symptoms of someone who may be struggling emotionally and relationally:

1. 1. Defensive/Blaming  
   2. Low Self-Awareness  
   3. Anger/Fear  
   4. Self-Absorbed  
   5. Addiction  
   6. Dishonesty

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Caring_

LOOK – Celebrate with your group member who is experiencing the joy of a recent engagement or new relationship! And be on the lookout for a group member who might be relationally stressed. They may be stressed if you notice any of these symptoms:

* * Make cynical comments about people in their lives  
   * Speak negatively about their family  
   * Seems a little more intense around holidays and vacations  
   * Exert more energy for after-work social hour than their actual job  
   * Seem distracted and distant

ASK – Sometimes our group members need us to reflect back to them how they are coming across:

* * You seem a little stressed about the holidays. Is everything ok?  
   * You seem a little defensive. Is something bothering you?  
   * You seem a little distracted. Is there something going on that you want to talk about?

LISTEN – Be available just to listen to your group member or coworker talk about their excitement or their stress. Avoid sharing your own wedding planning experience or relational stress unless they ask for it or it seems appropriate to do so.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About God’s Response?_

* * [Matthew 22:37-40](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/mat.22.37-40): Loving others is a command, not just a suggestion.  
   * [1 Corinthians 13:4-7](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/1co.13.4-7): How to love others.  
   * [1 John 4:17-19](https://www.bible.com/bible/111/1jn.4.17-19): Why we love others.

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps for Engaging Your Group Member_

OFFER any support you are able to give – a few minutes to celebrate with them at the start or end of your day or a listening ear over coffee or lunch.

CONNECT them to Hoboken Grace’s [Merge Class or Financial Peace University](https://hobokengrace.com/nextsteps/) if they are getting married, OR if they are struggling, connect them to the Care Team if they need outside perspective.

SHARE the link to [Hoboken Grace Online](https://hobokengrace.com/online-opportunities/) as a way to relieve stress.

SUGGEST they reach out to [care@hobokengrace.com](mailto:care@hobokengrace.com) if they need pastoral care or other means of support.

PRAY for your group member and their relationships.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Alex Iby](https://unsplash.com/@alexiby?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others In Relationships (Marriage)

Job loss can be a shock to the system. It affects every aspect of life and is one of the most difficult emotional challenges to overcome.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our coworkers who are dealing with the emotions and challenges of job loss?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding Death + Loss + Grief_

Losing a job can be completely overwhelming for some individuals, especially if the individual lacks confidence or has self-doubt in new situations and environments. In fact, research shows that getting fired or laid off from a job can feel worse than losing a spouse.

According to the research, individuals who experience job loss struggle to return to the same level of well-being based on measures of mental health, satisfaction with life, and self-esteem. And many individuals experience anxiety, fatigue, difficulty sleeping, problems concentrating, and depression following the loss. The emotional roller coaster elements of being fired include:

1\. Shock – “I did not see that coming.”  
2\. Anger – “I was not prepared for how angry I would feel about being fired.”  
3\. Humiliation – “How am I going to tell people I was fired?”  
4\. Disappointment – “I worked so hard and now it feels like it was for nothing.”  
5\. Loss – “I had it all: perks, great salary, title, travel, friends…and it is all gone.”  
6\. Disconnection – “I didn’t even get to say goodbye to everyone.”  
7\. Guilt – “I wish I had handled things differently or made better decisions.”  
8\. Panic – “How am I ever going to pay my bills?”  
9\. Pity – “Why did this happen to me?”  
10\. Indifference – “Who cares anyway? I’m better off without this job.”

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Caring_

_LOOK_ – Realize your friend, family member, or coworker may actually need time to cycle through feelings of self-pity. This is normal. But recognize opportunities to encourage them with a healthy daily routine and goals.

_ASK_ – Sometimes individuals going through job loss need validation like, “This must be a really difficult season for you.” Don’t hesitate to ask questions like:

* * How are you doing today? What are you feeling or thinking today?  
   * What do you need most from me as your friend in this season?  
   * What can I do to support you as you look for a new job?

_LISTEN_ – Be available just to listen. They may need to process their shock and devastation out loud, or maybe they need someone to listen to the dreams and possibilities of what comes next (no matter how realistic or far-fetched it may sound).

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Death?_

* * [Jeremiah 29:11-13](https://my.bible.com/en-GB/bible/111/JER.29.11-13.NIV): God knows our future.  
   * [Romans 8:28](https://my.bible.com/en-GB/bible/111/ROM.8.28.NIV): God will meet our needs.  
   * [1 Peter 5:7](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/1PE.5.7): God cares about us.

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

_OFFER_ a safe place by allowing them to feel, think and say whatever they are experiencing during this time. You don’t have to fix the situation for them, but you can encourage them and help them as time goes on.

_CONNECT_ them with other acquaintances who have been in similar circumstances or with potential opportunities. And connect them with the Hoboken Grace Care Team, [care@hobokengrace.com](mailto:care@hobokengrace.com).

SUGGEST they take this time to discover more of their strengths, talents, and values. Whether it was a welcomed change or not, they have the chance to start over. Suggest these personality and leadership assessments as they seek a new job or career:

* * StrengthsFinder (recently re-named Clifton Strengths Assessment)  
   * The DISC Profile  
   * The Myers-Briggs or MBTI Personality Type – free assessment  
   * Paterson Center Thinking Wave-Length  
   * The Table Group’s Ideal Team Player – online assessment

_PRAY_ for them and ask God to give you opportunities to share his love and hope with your friend, family member, or coworker going through this difficult season.

Return to [Care Guides](http://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Nik Shuliahin](https://unsplash.com/@tjump?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/s/photos/stressed?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_


Helping a Friend Through a Job Loss

Whether you are young, old, rich, or poor, death and grieving is part of our lives.

So, how do we C.A.R.E. for our group members who are suffering the loss of a loved one?

### C.A.R.E.S.

**CRISIS –** _Understanding Death + Loss + Grief_ 

The death of a loved one or close friend is one of the biggest stressors in life – it’s also a crucial opportunity to show care and support for your group member.

Grieving is a necessary part of healing, and healthy grieving requires the care and support of a community. But grief can also intensify depending on how people react to the person dealing with loss.

According to grief experts, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler, there are Five Stages of Grief – and it’s important you understand these stages as you care for a group member:

1\. _Denial_: This is not really happening right now.  
2\. _Anger_: Why me? Is this my fault?  
3\. _Bargaining (with God)_: Take this away and I will do whatever you ask of me.  
4\. _Depression_: I can’t think straight and I can barely get out of bed in the morning.  
5\. _Acceptance_: I’m allowing myself to be sad and grieve with this loss, and I’m starting to experience peace.

**APPLICATION –** _Practical Suggestions for Caring_

_LOOK_ – Your group member might need some support if you notice any of these symptoms:

* * Forgetfulness  
   * Exhaustion, physically drained  
   * Withdrawn and lonely, crying bouts  
   * Loss of appetite or excessive eating, drinking, etc.  
   * Taking on demanding schedules to avoid grief topic  
   * Physical distress such as headaches, heart/chest pain, upset stomach

_ASK_ – Sometimes we ignore grief because we don’t want “to make things worse”, but the best way to care for your group member is to ask questions like:

* * How are you doing today?  
   * How can I support you this week?  
   * What are you missing most about your loved one today?

_LISTEN_ – Be available to listen to your group member talk about what he or she is going through and be present if they’re not ready to talk.

**REFERENCE** – _What Does the Bible Say About Death?_

* * [Psalm 147:3](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/PSA.147.3): Jesus cares about our broken hearts  
   * [1 Thessalonians 4:3-18](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/1TH.4.3-18): Jesus gives us hope amidst grief  
   * [Romans 12:15](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/ROM.12.15): It is good to grieve with our friends  
   * [John 11:34-35](https://my.bible.com/bible/111/JHN.11.34-35): Jesus experienced grief and loss too

**ENGAGE** – _Next Steps For Engaging Your Group Member_

_OFFER_ any help you are able to give (projects, meals, lawn care, pet care, laundry, travel arrangements, etc.) Send a card letting them know you’re thinking about them with a small gift card for coffee or groceries. Say something like this (copy as necessary):

* * So sorry to hear about your loss! Just want you to know we are all here to support you. Here’s a little something to help you get through the week.

_CONNECT_ them to the Care Team at Hoboken Grace. Email [care@hobokengrace.com](mailto:care@hobokengrace.com).

_SUGGEST_ they attend a Hoboken Grace service with you or watch it [online](http://hobokengrace.com/online-opportunities/).

_READ_ a book about death and grieving: [Helping Those in Grief: A Guide to Help You Care for Others](https://www.amazon.com/Helping-Those-Grief-Guide-Others-ebook/dp/B00LA9L6WQ/ref=sr%5F1%5F3?dchild=1&keywords=Helping+Those+in+Grief%3A&qid=1586893947&s=books&sr=1-3) by H. Norman Wright or [A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss](https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Disguised-Soul-Grows-through/dp/0310258952) by Jerry Sittser.

PRAY for your group member, for their family, for their “new normal” as they deal with loss and grief.

Return to [Care Guides](https://hobokengrace.com/toolbox/)

_Photo by [Daniel Gregoire](https://unsplash.com/@yeeeeeeha?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText) on [Unsplash](https://unsplash.com/?utm%5Fsource=unsplash&utm%5Fmedium=referral&utm%5Fcontent=creditCopyText)_

### 


Supporting Others Through Death and Grieving

For the past nine years, Hoboken Grace has hosted an Easter egg hunt that grows larger and larger each spring. This April, we will have 36,000 Easter eggs and over 6,000 participants, making it the largest Easter egg hunt in Hudson County. This gives you an incredible opportunity to be part of significantly loving your neighbors! We want to give you a sneak peek and let you know how you play a vital role in that opportunity.[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/03/27A39633.24.18_Easter-egg-hunt_socialsz-300x300.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2019/03/27A39633.24.18%5FEaster-egg-hunt%5Fsocialsz.jpg)

Hoboken Grace’s Bridge Events Team works to create the best possible experience for everyone involved. This means informing and training the volunteers. It also means getting all the important details into the hands of participants to make sure they can flow easily through the various activities at the field prior to the actual egg hunt. The Bridge Events Team strives to be the glue connecting all the different parts of our community together; creating something bigger than any individual. 

Given the size and scale of the hunt, there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes. We work with the City of Hoboken, the Hoboken Police Department and the Hoboken Housing Authority to ensure safety and efficiency for all participants and volunteers. The Hoboken Housing Authority provides resources as we transform Mama Johnson Field into a massive Easter egg hunt field. The City of Hoboken and the Hoboken Police Department provide resources to secure the field location, to help with the flow of traffic and people and to make sure the event remains safe for everyone.

Lastly, you play a key role. Each of you is part of your own community, whether it is at work, in your apartment building or your group of friends. This is your chance to invite them to be part of something significant with you. Over a few short hours on a Saturday, you will get the chance to impact thousands of your neighbors with your community. All you must do is show up! How awesome is that?

If you are interested in volunteering, you can register [here](https://hobokengrace.churchcenter.com/people/forms/27888). Go crazy, send the link to a few friends or co-workers as well. 

We can’t wait to celebrate with everyone on April 13!


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