_Portraits is an occasional series that captures stories across our community, one photo at a time._

For years as a kid, Brandon Black would lie in bed at night and stare up at a miniature replica fighter plane hung above his bed.

The plane was an F4U Corsair, the exact model flown by Mr. Vander Horst in World War II.

“He wasn’t just a fighter pilot,” says Brandon. “Mr. Vander Horst was also an extremely successful businessman and the coolest, most genuine and humble guy I knew. ”

He was also Brandon’s fifth-grade Sunday school teacher.

“Looking back, it’s a good thing we had someone with a military background,” says Brandon. “There were at least six boys in the class. And we were all into spears and slingshots and running around in the woods.”

The boys spent a lot of time in class building model airplanes and cars, and listening to Mr. Vander Horst’s stories.

“I wish I could say that there was some big life lessons he taught me,” says Brandon. “But it wasn’t like that, or maybe it was and I just totally missed the takeaway. But what I do remember is feeling incredibly special that this amazing, cool older guy chose to spend time with us every week. He didn’t have to be there, he wasn’t anybody’s dad. But he showed up for us and talked to us like we were people, not just kids.”

[![unspecified-2](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/unspecified-2.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/unspecified-2.jpg)

Nearly twelve years after Brandon finished building his model plane, he boarded a flight that would determine the direction of the next decade of his life. That flight was from his hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska, to Newark, New Jersey.

“I remember I flew in that morning, interviewed all day and then flew out that night,” says Brandon. “I didn’t know anything about New Jersey. I always wanted to live somewhere like Denver and go hiking and skiing on the weekends. But in the end I chose the industry I loved over the place I loved.”

While Brandon thrived at his new job, he admits that his personal life was fractured and disjointed.

“My apartment was in Hoboken, but I worked in Mahwah and went to church somewhere else. When I hung out with friends we would go into NYC or just get out of town for the weekend,” says Brandon. “Hoboken was just somewhere I slept, it wasn’t home. I was living with one foot out the door. I always thought I was about to move.”

But after five years of living like this, Brandon knew that things had to change. He needed to commit to something to give himself boundaries.

“I would just stay at work until 9 or 10 at night,” says Brandon. “I’m sure I wasn’t very efficient that late, but I could tell myself I was still getting something done. And there wasn’t anything to come home to anyway.”

Brandon decided to commit to Hoboken Grace, a church he had only casually visited before. With his engineering background, he figured he would get involved by joining the finance team. But God had a different plan. He left the Impact Fair having committed to trying out kids ministry.

[![Brandon.and.friend](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Brandon.and_.friend.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Brandon.and%5F.friend.jpg)

“I used to be a camp counselor when I was in high school, but I had never worked with kids as young as 10 or 11 before,” says Brandon. “And it felt a little awkward being the only guy teacher. But I kept on thinking about Mr. Vander Horst. I’m not a fighter pilot, but I could be that guy who consistently shows up, just because he cares, to teach the kids.”

Brandon’s calendar looks different than it used to. Instead of just work Monday through Friday and weekend trips, he has dinner group on Monday nights and volunteers at TRUE mentors on Tuesdays. On Sundays he leads the fourth- and fifth-grade Clubhouse kids, teaching them about Jesus, just like Mr. Vander Horst did.

“For the first time in my life, I’m turning weekend trips down or leaving early so that I can be in Hoboken on Sunday morning,” says Brandon. “I finally feel like I actually live here. My life is centered somewhere. I have an anchor and a bigger purpose.”

Brandon used to ask his parents for a little brother for Christmas. He never got that little brother, and although he always thought he would be married with kids of his own by now, that hasn’t happened yet either.

But recently, while Brandon was cleaning up after class, one of the kids’ grandparents approached him.

“I just wanted to let you know that my grandson wakes up early every Sunday because he is excited to come to Sunday school and hang out with you,” she said.

Brandon isn’t living where he thought he would live, and he doesn’t have a family of his own yet. But for the first time since getting on that plane to New Jersey, he feels like he has a home and a family right here in Hoboken. And what’s more, he’s making Hoboken feel like home and family for others.

[![DSCF1200](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/DSCF1200.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/DSCF1200.jpg)


PORTRAITS: Back to the 5th Grade

At Hoboken Grace, the First Impressions Team is responsible for welcoming and creating a comfortable environment for people to connect with God and one another. They make everyone feel at home by opening the doors with a simple smile, having food out in abundance, helping newcomers get connected, and setting up the space where the opportunity to build relationships with one another is possible. Hoboken Grace’s homemakers, the team bridges the gap every Sunday between newcomers and over 800 regular attendees who were once new faces.

To get an inside look at how the First Impressions Team plays a part in Hoboken Grace’s mission to bring people back to God, we interviewed members of the greeting team and found four reasons why you should consider joining if you’re not already involved.

**They call it family**

It has been said that it’s not about what you do, but who you do it with that makes a difference.

“The team has made me feel known and loved — it’s like being part of a family,” says Melissa. “My personality and gifts are welcomed and used for God’s glory.” She says it’s a great starting point for anyone who is looking to serve and likes welcoming people, as she has felt so welcomed herself.

“You’re part of a close-knit team, so there’s an amazing social aspect to serving as well,” says Laura. “You’re catching up with your friends each week while you prep for the services and greet at the door.”

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/portraits-e1455090801992.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/portraits-e1455090801992.jpg)

**It’s a chance to connect with the community**

The team is dedicated to welcoming and loving everyone, inside and outside the church, quite literally. “Personally, I want the people who come through the door to feel welcome, to feel that we’ve been waiting for them to join us, and to feel that they belong at Hoboken Grace,” says Melissa. “I want them to know we are so glad they came.”

Grant loves seeing the ripple effect of the team’s service. “I love how our joy spills out into the streets outside 301 Garden. I watch the people of this community who walk by and take a look at what is going on. I can see the intrigue on their faces — ‘What is this place? Is that a church? Are those people having fun? Could it be that they’re normal like the rest of us?’ ”

**The act is small, but the impact is significant**

A smile, hug, handshake, or simple hello goes a long way, Grant says. “A woman that had no intention of coming into the church was walking by and we caught her attention by saying hello; after getting a chance to have some fun chatting with her and finding out how she had been hurt by the church many years back and didn’t trust it, she left … but later came back with a dozen cupcakes for our whole First Impressions Team. She met four people that day — all who love Jesus and loved her in that moment.” Grant says he finds a lot of joy and hope in knowing that God is working in moments like that.

  
**[![Sundays_9.20_Averill-9-3 (1)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Sundays_9.20_Averill-9-3-1.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Sundays%5F9.20%5FAverill-9-3-1.jpg)It’s a chance to give back to God what is His**

For Laura, serving is an opportunity to give her time back to God — plus it’s fun! Being on a committed team has also added a layer of accountability to her life. “I have the privilege of being able to serve God and our community each week by forming relationships and loving others,” she says.

“It has taught me about obedience, service, and joy,” says Grant. “Obedience and service in the sense I’m continually learning how to not hoard my time for my own personal gain, but to spend a few hours feeding others.”

“What better way to show your love to Him than spending the limited resource (time) that He gave us with Him,” adds Tasheka.

**The First Impressions Team**

**Mission:** Ensures that every person who joins us on Sunday morning feels like they’ve come home.

**The commitment:** Serves on Sunday mornings.

**How you can join or find out more information:** Email [anthony@hobokengrace.com](mailto:milius@hobokengrace.com).

_Want to learn more about serving on a team at Hoboken Grace? [Reach out to the Engagement Team](http://hobokengrace.com/serve/) or attend our_ [_Engage_](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/9294) _class on the first Sunday of every month._ 


First Impressions, Lasting Connections

I woke up hung-over. My memory of the night before was blurry. The worst part was that this was nothing new for me. It was a regular part of my life. Feeling guilty and nauseous was almost routine.

As I stumbled through my apartment, I came across a Hoboken Grace card and granola bar that someone had handed me at the PATH a few weeks before. With only half of my brain awake, I somehow made the best decision of my life. I decided then and there to see what this church thing was all about. That decision changed everything.

I threw myself into life at Hoboken Grace. I joined a dinner group, served as a greeter, took the step of baptism and became best friends with a girl who dedicated an insane amount of time and energy to help me grow in every area of life.

But even as I took these steps, the tension between this new direction I wanted to take and my lifestyle was growing unbearable.

I was still making really unhealthy decisions. And I no longer felt like those decisions were who I was. Being hung-over and filled with regret never feels good, but if you do it long enough you get used to it. It just becomes a part of your life. But now that I had made the decision to follow Christ, I had people in my life challenging me — _You are better than that, Rachel! This isn’t who you are. This isn’t what God wants for your life. Life can be so much more joyful._

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/7d2b7818-1434-4b69-8ac6-fe05571d4746-e1455204726145.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/7d2b7818-1434-4b69-8ac6-fe05571d4746-e1455204726145.jpg)When I met with Pastor Chris and shared all my “stuff,” he just had one thing to say — “Why don’t you try not drinking for awhile?” I think I laughed out loud. I told him that was crazy, I told him I would have no friends and nothing to do. He just looked at me and said, “Why not give it a try? What do you have to lose?” As the words sank in, he challenged me to not drink for 40 days. I didn’t really believe it would work. But he had a point: What did I have to lose?

And then something amazing happened. During those 40 days I experienced life with no hangovers and no new regret. I felt GREAT. I began to learn how to live my life without drugs, alcohol and guys. During those 40 days I learned that I couldn’t put myself back in the same situations and expect to succeed.

It was then that I stumbled across a podcast called “Guardrails.” The subtitle mentioned putting boundaries in areas of your life to protect you from disaster. This was clearly for me. As I listened to the series, I knew that I had to start putting up guardrails in my life when it came to partying. Getting drunk wasn’t the only issue; it was what that led me to do. It led me to do things that I would never do sober. It led to disaster.

Putting up guardrails in my life wasn’t a one-step process. It was messy and hard work. As I moved through those 40 days (and the coming years) I learned how to put boundaries in place to keep me safe. At first, my guardrails around drinking were really intense. But that’s exactly what I needed in that season. Going to bars was out of the question, because I had zero self-control.

Over the past seven years, those guardrails have been adjusted, but I still have guardrails. And all of my close friends know this about me, so there is always accountability. I need accountability in my life. I think we all do. It’s humbling and sometimes annoying, but if it helps me make better decisions and leads to a fuller and more joyful life, it’s absolutely worth it.

Guys were the other area in my life where I needed guardrails to keep me safe. I remember laughing hysterically when my friend asked me to trust God and not have sex until I was married. REALLY?! That ship had sailed. It was too late to make that decision now, right? The whole conversation just seemed ridiculous.

I was wrong again. As I began to put guardrails in my life around my relationships with guys, I began to experience a better life. I don’t think I realized just how much pain I was causing myself until I experienced life without it. I also learned a lot about myself. I saw just how much of my value I was placing in relationships. When I didn’t have that anymore, it left a gaping hole, and I had to learn how to go to God with that emptiness and ask Him to help me.

That’s the thing with guardrails; you can put them in place and have accountability partners, but you still need God. I have never seen God work so clearly in my life than when I come to Him in these situations — “God, I know that this is what you want in my life, and I’m trying to do the right thing, but can you help me make the right decisions?” He has come through every time.

I will always have guardrails in my life. The boundaries I need will shift, but there will always be something —something that promises fun and excitement, but never delivers and will leave me feeling more empty inside. God tells us what leads to life and what leads to death. The question is whether or not we believe Him, and if we believe Him, what are we going to do about it?


Guardrails: You Want Me To Do WHAT?

Once a year each spring, dozens of bales of hay are hauled into Hoboken and strewn across a playing field. Underneath lie thousands of pastel Easter eggs, ready to be scooped up and cracked open by ecstatic kids.

The event — which also includes pictures with the Easter bunny, carnival games, bounce houses and face painting — has grown so big that Hoboken Grace is holding not one, but two Easter egg hunts this year, both on March 19th. The hunt is open to children of all ages and completely free. It’s a great way to love the community and build relationships.

Two years ago, shortly after moving 3,000 miles away from their friends and family, the Taylors brought their son, Jackson, to the event. As they watched him search for eggs, it was there that they, too, found a place to call home.

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/easter-2-e1455171181198.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/easter-2-e1455171181198.jpg)“We knew no one, didn’t know the city, and our first holiday on the East Coast was quickly approaching,” recalls Heather. “My son was turning 2 two days after Easter, so I was full of emotions over being so far away and not being able to celebrate Easter and a birthday with our family.”

Wanting to do something fun for Jackson, Heather and her husband, Michael, searched for a nearby community event. A Google search led them to Hoboken Grace’s Easter Egg Hunt. Heather says she talked to Jackson for days about hunting eggs and seeing the Easter bunny.

“When Jackson saw the field with eggs, he finally understood and it took both of us holding him back until it was time to hunt,” she says. “Once we released him, he ran out, grabbed one egg, opened it, and his eyes lit up. … Candy is a rare treat in our home, so he was beyond excited.”

Jackson loved the carnival games spread out around the field, Heather says, and also took a picture with the Easter bunny (even though he wasn’t a big fan).

“It was a great day, and even though we didn’t really know anyone, we left feeling happier, and certain that we could make this home,” she says.

Later that day, the couple started talking about attending a church. “We had no question that after how great we were treated at the hunt, Hoboken Grace would be the first one we checked out. The giving and love that were clearly on display solidified our choice,” Heather says.

“After one Sunday visit, we were convinced,” she says. “Hoboken Grace became our home and we’ve never looked back.”

_[You can pre-register](http://hobokengrace.com/egghunt/) now for Hoboken Grace’s two Easter egg hunts on March 19th at Mama Johnson Field (4th and Jackson). The event, which is free and open to all ages, will be held from 10 a.m.- 12 p.m. (with the first hunt starting promptly at 11:30 a.m.) and from 1 p.m.- 3 p.m. (with the hunt starting promptly at 2:30 p.m.)._ 


Hunting for Eggs and Finding a Place to Call Home


When Tiffany and Adam Croxton moved to Hoboken, they struggled to feel at home in a new place that moved much faster than life in Mississippi. As they tried to settle in, they realized they were both hungry for community and purpose. ”We discussed finding a church family,” says Tiffany. “But we didn’t make the effort to reach out or attend any services.”

Then one morning, as Tiffany was walking to the PATH on her way to work, a complete stranger handed her a granola bar and a little card, and genuinely wished her a nice day. She ate the granola and tucked the card away in her purse. That card sat there for about a month.

“Sporadically during that month, God reminded me about the card in my purse,” says Tiffany. “Then as I walked home after a particularly tough work week, I saw a sign for Hoboken Grace on a bus stop. The sign’s design incorporated a light bulb. At that moment I knew…” Adam and Tiffany agreed to check out Hoboken Grace the next Sunday.

Tiffany says she was drawn to Hoboken Grace by the boldly caring way she was approached. During the quick interaction with the man handing out granola bars, she says she “felt a sincerity and grace that, to me, is at the core of a Christian heart.”

“There are so many ways to love people and spread God’s word,” says Tiffany. “And in a society where we are over stimulated and interpersonal communication can be very superficial (and often purely perfunctory), I was refreshed by the smiling face, who cared for me, but wanted nothing in return.”

Many times we fear rejection when sharing God’s love, but we need to trust that God will work through us. You never know who you are impacting through acts of Simple Service.

“God can use the simplest of gestures to open someone’s eyes and hearts,” says Tiffany. “In a city of strangers, God is working through us to show his love for creation.”

_You can find out more about our Simple Service Team by attending the info meeting at 2 p.m. Sunday, February 14th in the Study at 301 Garden or by emailing anthony@hobokengrace.com._


The Power of a Simple Service


Eight years ago, a dream of planting a church in Hoboken became a reality in a dingy bingo hall. In those early months, only about two dozen people attended regularly. Services were held on Sunday evenings, at first on a monthly basis. There was no kids ministry, just a small play area set up in the hope that children would eventually show up.

This is the story of Year 1 at Hoboken Grace, as told by some of the people who have been there ever since.

**Ana High**  
[![Winter 2008 020](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Winter-2008-020_7407546164_o-300x300.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/Winter-2008-020%5F7407546164%5Fo.jpg)

My very first memory of Hoboken Grace was about two years before its very first service. The cutest boy I have ever known got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife alongside the Hudson River with Manhattan as our backdrop. He rattled off a lot of stuff I can no longer remember, but I’ll never forget his invitation. He asked me to join him in making a difference in this city, in moving and starting Hoboken Grace with him. I had never been so sure of anything in my life. I said yes to him and yes to Hoboken Grace, and Chris’ dream went from being just his and God’s to ours and God’s. It’s been eight years and that dream has morphed into a reality that is more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. Thank you, Hoboken Grace, for the past eight years. And happy birthday!

**Chris High**

I remember sitting in a dingy, dark, ugly room filled with the smell of smoke just shortly after our first service (we started in a bingo hall). I remember being overwhelmed by excitement that we’d finally launched what would be Hoboken Grace, fear of what the next few months would hold, hope that we would actually be able to impact this city, and faith that God could really do this. It’s been a really long journey from that night to this point, but so much of what we prayed for, dreamed of, and believed God wanted to do has begun to happen. It was an honor to be there that night. It’s an honor to be here today.

**Stephanie Lardaro**

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/ChurchHoboken-015_7407481768_o-e1454594088654.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/ChurchHoboken-015%5F7407481768%5Fo-e1454594088654.jpg)For the very first few months at Hoboken Grace, we didn’t even meet every week, we only met monthly. And for the first two years, we only had one service, at 6 p.m. Because of this, we did not have a kids ministry — we only had a few toys and a mat on the floor in a little corner. If even one baby showed up, we were so excited! It’s been so incredible to see how God has grown our church family, as we now have over 100 children in the kids ministry! Amazing.

**Dario Torres**

We used to meet at 5th and Willow and the services were Sunday evenings, which I really loved because I got to sleep in. When I joined, there were about thirty regular attendees, which made it really easy to get to know people. There were no kids back then since everyone was single and there were only a few married couples.

I clearly remember one of Chris’ first sermons because he mentioned going out Salsa dancing with Ana. He talked about the difficulty of trying to dance, and eventually discovering that it was a lot easier if he just leaned forward. He used this illustration as a way to encourage us to lean towards God when circumstances were difficult.

From the very beginning, Hoboken Grace (it was called “The Church at Hoboken” back then) has been a place where I have felt comfortable inviting my friends. It has been a unique privilege to be part of its growth from the very beginning and experience its change over time.

**Susi Milligan**

I was healing from a negative experience at another church when I started attending Hoboken Grace in August 2008\. My first service, I was cranky about the loud music and skeptical this start-up church could be different from my last — but something kept me coming back. The first year, I hung back and didn’t get involved much. But when I hit a significant breakup and loss of job, I turned to the people at Hoboken Grace to help me through the tough time. God used them to love me and show me what I had been missing in Him. That was the start of an amazing relationship with God in partnership with Hoboken Grace.

**Rachel Norris**

[![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/2016-02-07-Rachel-Norris-e1454566352197.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/02/2016-02-07-Rachel-Norris-e1454566352197.jpg)Within the first week of attending Hoboken Grace, I was invited to join a dinner group. I had never heard of “dinner groups,” so I likened it to a book club or some other type of girls’ get-together where we sit around, drink wine and talk about boys. I walked into group thinking, “What could I ever learn from these girls? Half of them are much younger than me, I’ve had way more life experiences than they have.” I had no idea that these girls would become my best friends and biggest supporters.

Over the course of my first year at Hoboken Grace, I entered a relationship that drastically changed the course of my life. My dinner group leader Ana taught me about God and showed me that life could be so very different. These girls introduced me to God’s love, taught me that he had a plan for my life and that it was good. I learned what healthy friendships looked like and what it felt like to have friends walking with me towards Christ.

My first year at Hoboken Grace was probably the best year of my life. It was challenging, hard and unbelievably fun, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

_Join us this Sunday for Hoboken Grace’s 8th birthday celebration!_


The Story of Hoboken Grace


Week in and week out, hundreds of people who call Hoboken Grace home invest their time, talents, and treasures to make Sunday morning happen and keep the conversation and community strong all week long.

And every few months, our church family sets aside a Friday evening for a special night of worship, prayer and reflection for the people who serve — [Teams Night](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/what-the-heck-is-teams-night/).

“Teams Night for me is time,” says Dana, Arts Director and Worship Leader at Hoboken Grace. “It’s time to slow down, to tune in to what God has for us, and to tune in to the people around us that we serve with every week.”

For Daniel Sanchez, a guitarist and leader on the Worship Team, it’s an opportunity to “get deeply intimate with God.”

Teams Night creates the space for the heart and soul of the church to rest well in order to love well — to reflect and to respond to what God is doing in and around us. It’s a time to meet with God, and to see how He is working in us individually, through our teams and as a church as a whole. It’s time to celebrate and be motivated and encouraged together.

“That’s an incredibly powerful thing to have happen and be a part of — coming together under one roof at one time and worshiping God for all He is and all He’s done,” says Dana.

[![DSCF4007](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/DSCF4007-e1454077037267-1024x515.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/DSCF4007.jpg)

That feeling of unity is also meaningful to Lee Denaro, another leader on the Worship Team.

“Worship at Teams Night feels so collective between every person inside that auditorium — on and off the stage,” he says. “It’s that feeling of being a part of a singular voice being pointed towards God as we worship Him together that gives me such joy and energy during every Teams Night.”

While Teams Night exists to bring together those who serve each week, it’s also an opportunity to consider where you can invest your time, talents and treasures if you’re not serving, and to consider your next step. It’s a place to get a glimpse of how God is using more than two dozen teams, and to [reflect on how He can use your gifts](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/teams-behind-the-scenes-at-teams-night/) as well.

In the busy world we live in, mapped out by schedules and meetings, tasks and due dates, our own personal plans and goals, time may sometimes appear to be working against us. But when we pause to zoom out and see the bigger picture, we can take a deep breath and see that God is using that time to work in us — in our own lives, on our teams, in our groups and as a church as a whole.

Join us for [Teams Night](https://www.facebook.com/events/1670030509910649/) on February 5th, 8 p.m. at 301 Garden St.


Teams Night: It’s Time

In working through conflict with people, I find that there is one thing that destroys lives faster than anything else. It’s not surprising. The Scriptures work hard to ensure that we understand the destruction that our words can cause, and yet we continue to experience the devastation because we aren’t in control of our tongues.

If you want to improve every relationship in your life, if you want to improve your ability to love drastically, if you want to significantly decrease the drama that follows you everywhere, the reality is that you can.

1. **Speak Last**

_Prov. 13:3_ _Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything._

Are you always the first one to chime in? Are you eager to share? Rein that in. Force yourself to speak last. It may be that the answer is found without you having to speak at all, which is excellent because, “opening your mouth can ruin everything.”

I know some of you are thinking, “But people won’t think I have anything to contribute.” People rarely think talkers have a lot to contribute. Even a fool seems wise if they keep their mouth shut. Waiting to talk is the habit of a wise person.

1. **Wait to Be Asked**

_Prov. 21:2_ _Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble._

You rarely need to talk. Become the quiet one. Let people ask you to talk. If no one is asking you to talk, it’s probably because you’re talking more than they would like.

When you wait you may even find that people will ask you to contribute. If they don’t, that’s okay because when you hold your tongue, “you will stay out of trouble.”

1. **Think Twice**

_Prov. 18:21_ _The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences._

This isn’t the idea of thinking before you speak. Take that idea to a whole new level. Think through what you will say twice. Think through all of the consequences of it and the implications of what you’re saying. Don’t think it quickly. Don’t think it through once, think it through twice. Begin to plan what you will say strategically. It may be that the conversation has moved past you if you do this, but that’s okay because those who don’t plan their words, those who love to talk, “will reap the consequences.”

1. **Listen**

_James 1:19_ _Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry._

Learn to enjoy listening. The key to listening is curiosity. Be a learner. Learners love to understand new things, including the people around them. Even the most meaningless of conversations can be a learning experience if you allow curiosity to get the best of you. Learners are less concerned with responding to the comments of those around them as they are in understanding them. Listen, because those who listen well are “slow to get angry.”

1. **Don’t Share Your Opinion**

_Prov. 18:2_ _Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions._

When you go to speak, ask yourself if this is factual truth or opinion. If it’s opinion, let it go. Fools go around airing their “own opinions.” We live in a culture where people are constantly creating ways to air their own opinions. It’s foolish. Let your opinions go.

1. **Eliminate Complaining**

_Phil. 2:14_ _Do everything without complaining and arguing._

If what you’re about to say is in any way a complaint, don’t speak. Don’t try to say it another way. Just don’t speak. You don’t need to.

1. **Encourage**

_1Th. 5:11_ _So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing._

There is a time to speak. Don’t hesitate to open your mouth when you see an opportunity to encourage. When that happens, don’t wait, go for it. Let yourself do that as much as you want. As a matter of fact, wear yourself out with it. Encourage so often that you no longer feel the need to talk about anything else.

If you begin to practice these seven things in your life, I promise you that your relationships will get better. You will love people better, and you will decrease the drama in your life substantially.

Try it for a week. See if you can be the quiet encourager in the group for one week. See what it’s like to follow God in controlling our tongue.


It Changes Everything

One of the things this season of life is teaching me is how to better empathize with others.

I realized recently that many of my single friends are likely experiencing a version of what I am now – this [longing for a season of life](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/finding-gratitude-amid-grief/) that has not yet happened. Maybe, like me, you face daily reminders that you are not where you want to be – they show up multiple times a day, reminding you that you are behind. You feel like there are massive roadblocks keeping you from a role you were meant to play. You feel silly being reduced to tears over the desire to be somewhere different from where you are right now. It feels wrong to be devastated by your goal to be in a life-giving, loving relationship not coming true in your desired time, but you are devastated nonetheless.

Friend, you have every right to feel that way.

I have so many amazing, attractive, successful friends who are single. I see all their incredible qualities and it seems to me that it is given that one day they will meet their match. I want to believe they will be rewarded for their years of faithfully waiting for that person and pursuing the callings on their lives while being open to love if it crosses their paths. I believe this because they have so much to offer, and because they deserve it. They seem to be doing everything right. But me telling my single friends that I know marriage will happen for them is not helpful, because I do not actually know that. My words are hopeful, but devoid of meaning.

When our friends are going through tough times, especially when they are sharing something painful with us, we tend to try to soothe their pain and offer advice. We offer platitudes because suffering and unrealized dreams make us feel uncomfortable. We want to fix it, make it better. We try to offer hope, but it often feels empty and falls flat.

Telling each other success stories is how we aim to prove that things will get better, that there is hope. And sometimes, we do find hope in those stories. But we need to be careful not to take one person’s story and use it as a rule for all people’s stories. It is a beautiful thing to have hope, but it’s another to make blanket statements and say because something happened for one person, it will happen for all of us.

We need to give ourselves and others permission to grieve instead of downplaying the reality of the suffering. Pretending that our circumstances are trivial or comparing our pain in degree to others’ does not make it less painful. Instead, it metastasizes as we try to push it down and ignore it.

Can we not trivialize the pain and try to make it go away? Can we instead just sit and say that yes, it sucks? Yes, it is hard. Can we practice acknowledging that it exists and just be with one another?

God has promised me certain things in my conversations with Him – that I will be a mother, one way or another – but it is not as worthwhile to hang on to those promises as it is to hang on to the One who made the promises in the first place. I believe in a promise-keeping God, because I know that to be His character. He is good. He is love. And He is trustworthy despite my circumstances. He has shown up before, throughout the course of history, and fulfilled promises for His people. But answered prayers often look far different from our expectations. There are plenty of unrealized promises still lingering.

So how do we acknowledge suffering and longing, but not dwell in it, refusing to move? What does it look like for you to choose joy?

_Erika is a dinner group leader and coach at Hoboken Grace. You can read more about faith, relationships, and life lessons on her blog, [Married in Mile Square City](http://marriedinmilesquarecity.com/)._


When Your Timelines Go Astray


\[Guardrails: a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas.\]

They’re everywhere, but they don’t really get much attention . . . until somebody hits one. And then, more often than not, it is a lifesaver.

Ever wonder what it would be like to have guardrails in other areas of your life—areas where culture baits you to the edge of disaster and then chastises you when you step across the line?

Your friendships. Your finances. Your marriage. Maybe your greatest regret could have been avoided if you had established guardrails. Join us for the next six weeks as we explore what it would look like to stop flirting with disaster and establish some personal guardrails.


Guardrails — Beginning February 14th

Growing up, I lived vicariously through books and movies, dreaming of a life with unforgettable scenes, memorable characters and life-changing conversations. And while Hogwarts and Middle Earth may have been out of reach, it still seemed possible that life could unfold in magical ways.

Take the movie _Garden State_, for example. There’s a scene where Zach Braff’s character looks into the camera and says “Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.” The rain pours down around him, Simon & Garfunkel play, and the camera backs away to reveal a cavernous quarry. At 15, I ate it up and believed real life could be just as epic.

But a decade later, real life felt more like an infinite abyss of everyday routines – the scenes that are edited out of movies. It was more ordinary than extraordinary, and certainly not epic. And then a story more interesting than my own changed everything.

![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/uganda2-576x1024.jpg)

In _A Million Miles in a Thousand Years_, Don Miller writes about a similar struggle while trying to turn his breakout memoir, _Blue Like Jazz_, into a screenplay. His life, he realized, was missing the scenes that audiences would want to watch onscreen. And so he set out to learn what makes a compelling story.

At the core, he explains, is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. The protagonist must take action, without giving in to fear or doubts. The journey is where character development happens — where they are shaped and molded. The best stories, he determines, take initiative, investment and courage.

Don eventually realized that if he applied the same principles to life — if he wanted something and overcame conflict to get it — he, too, would be living a better story. If he put himself in more memorable scenes and settings, the narrative itself would become more memorable (which is why movies never take place in coffee shops). After all, a good story is just life with the meaningless parts edited out.

My own life, meanwhile, felt like a string of random experiences patched together by nothing more than the weeks and months and years. I edit stories for a living, but I was living an unedited story. There was no premise, no direction. It wasn’t going anywhere.

I wanted to live a better story. And somewhere inside of us, Don says, is a voice that wants us to live a better story, too.

“You can call it God or a conscience, or you can dismiss it as that intuitive knowing we all have as human beings, as living storytellers; but there is a knowing I feel that guides me toward better stories, toward being a better character,” he writes. “I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness.”

God might craft a large part of the narrative, but any author will tell you that characters have a mind of their own. He wants you to reach out to that person and He wants you to say yes to that adventure. He wants to show you the sunset and the infinite abyss, and He wants to create memorable scenes and conversations and characters. And He also wants to see you grow along the journey. But sometimes you have to be brave enough to step into the story.

So I started listening more closely to that voice. I started saying yes to more things that scared me, or that I thought I was incapable of doing, or that I thought would just make a good story.

I tuned out fear and doubt and went to Uganda, [where I watched the sun rise over the equator each morning and the Milky Way snake across the sky each night](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/watching-god-at-work-in-uganda/). I got within feet of a lion and went zip lining, despite a serious fear of heights.

But the people I met taught me more about story than I could ever learn in a book. They had witnessed the most unimaginable things during Uganda’s civil war, and yet they were inspired to create a better story for themselves. There were students I met who had grown up on the run, but now wanted to run into war zones to foster peace. They dreamed of becoming lawyers and doctors and journalists. Their stories had been defined by conflict, but they had also been transformed by courage.

[![uganda](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/uganda.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/uganda.jpg)

Now that I was paying attention to what made a story meaningful, I started seeing meaning in stories everywhere — in the [videos](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/story/) we watch on Sunday mornings, in conversations with friends, and especially in the stories that I worked on for the Writing Team. They were stories about pursuing dreams and achieving goals and overcoming obstacles. But at their core, they were about the transformation that happens when people embrace their story and charge forward, no matter the risk or consequences. (See the [top 10 most-read blog posts](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/our-top-10-blog-posts-of-2015/) if you want proof.)

And while writing about how God was shaping other people’s stories, I began to overhaul my own. I edited out the meaningless scenes and added others in. I reexamined how I was investing my money and my time. Was I moving the story forward? Or weighing down the narrative?

But outlining how I wanted the story to unfold also changed the way I interpreted my past — adding meaning to moments I’d once considered meaningless. After I started viewing myself as a character in God’s story, I could see the subplots He had used for character development, and experiences that, in retrospect, did have purpose. I also saw foreshadowing, and times when God had tried to improve my story.

I remembered a moment in college when a campus crusade group — the same one [Karen mentioned had been so loving in her story on Sunday](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/story/karens-story/), at the same school — handed me a copy of _Blue Like Jazz_. Dismissing it as a Christian memoir I didn’t think I needed, it sat on my bookshelf until I eventually sold it for textbook or beer money. But I wonder if my story would be different if I had flipped through its pages.

Life is funny like that. Sometimes God hands us a better story and we blow it off, thinking we know better. But it’s the moments when we listen — when we cast away fear and cast ourselves into bigger stories — that transform our character for the better. Without conflict, there’s no progression. The narrative stalls. But when we’re brave enough to pursue a better story, there’s an infinite abyss of possibility out there, just waiting to be explored.

_Brittney is the leader of the Writing Team. She still gets lost in a good book or movie._


Living a Meaningful Story

Financial Peace University returns to Hoboken Grace on February 6th. This [nine-week course](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/find-your-financial-freedom/) by financial guru Dave Ramsey has helped thousands of people take control of their finances and become debt-free. Registration for both spring classes is full, but the course will be offered again in the fall.

For many, the class has been transformative. In fact, many of Hoboken Grace’s former students appreciated it so much that they’ve returned to help run the class. Here are a few of the important lessons past students have learned, and the biggest things they took away from their time at FPU:

**Laura** 

When Ricky and I started FPU a year ago, we had no idea what a tremendous impact this course would have on how we viewed our finances as Christians and as a married couple. Before we learned about how to budget at FPU, we basically had five or so categories in our spreadsheet that included rent, food, travel, other needs, and miscellaneous. After a while, we noticed that the miscellaneous category seemed to trump the other categories, but neither of us could really say what those miscellaneous expenses were. FPU helped us straighten out our budget because it helped us realize that budgeting is really just about telling your money what to do. If you have a plan and purpose for every dollar in your budget, you will know exactly what your budget is doing all the time.

FPU helped us sort out our finances in a number of ways. First of all, we have accomplished all of the first three baby steps. We already had a beginner emergency budget when we started the course, but we now have a full emergency fund with 3 months’ expenses and are continuing to save every month. We have also paid off all of our debts with the debt snowball method and canceled and cut up four credit cards. We now use our debit cards and cash to pay for 90% of our household needs. Since we don’t have kids or a mortgage, we are currently working on baby steps 4 and 7\. Finally, what FPU has helped us accomplish above and beyond anything else is twofold: first, our communication about finances is a million times better than it was before; and second, we have peace of mind knowing that we are stewarding our finances in a way that honors the One who has provided so faithfully for us. And really, that’s what this course is all about.

**John** 

I considered myself pretty financially responsible before taking the class, but I knew there was always room for improvement. I learned stuff I never knew and looked forward to each new topic every week! I recommend it to anyone who has been allowing their money to control them versus the other way around. Dave makes the sessions fun while still being informative.

**Jeff** 

FPU really helped me to invest the time and effort into reigning in my personal finances. By applying the biblical principles outlined in the class, I’ve become a better steward, and I have been able to live more generously and with less stress. I’m a strong believer in the program and have joined the Hoboken Grace FPU Team to assist with this semester’s classes.

**Ricky** 

Financial Peace University helped my wife and I to deal with the stress of managing our finances and pay off our remaining debts. I’m pleased to report that we are debt free in 2016, in large part thanks to Vinny Hu and his wonderful FPU team. Laura and I now help facilitate FPU on a weekly basis; it’s great to give back. It’s a wonderful, worthwhile experience that I highly recommend to anyone who is serious about managing their money more responsibly.

**Enrico** 

The most important thing I learned in FPU is that I’m not alone — there is hope, and everyone needs to face their own battles as they search for their financial peace. Secondly, everything doesn’t happen overnight. Patience, accountability, and full determination are key ingredients in this journey. Third, always use the 80/20 rule, which says that breaking a bad habit is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge. Lastly, use the power of automation and use technology to your advantage. You will know what I’m talking about when you join Financial Peace University.

_Financial Peace University will be offered on Monday and Tuesday Nights from 7:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. starting the week of February 6th. Classes are full this semester. If you have any questions you can contact Sarah at [sarah@hobokengrace.com](mailto:sarah@hobokengrace.com)._


The Most Important Lessons We Learned From FPU


What do you do when loving the people in your life becomes unmanageable? We’ve all experienced it to some degree. There comes a point when loving well becomes overwhelming. It’s not that you don’t want to care, it’s not that you aren’t trying to do all you can. It’s simply the reality that in doing all you can, you’re driving yourself into the ground.

I recently had this conversation with a friend who had two very needy people in her life. It wasn’t that they were annoyingly needy. They had real needs — health needs — and the time it took to help them with those needs was beginning to become unmanageable. My friend wanted desperately to care for them and felt responsible as one was her dad. She came to me frustrated and exhausted.

What do you do when loving seems impossible and you’re at the end of yourself?

1. **Acknowledge your limitations**

One of the realities of life that we hate to face is the fact that we are limited. God has been trying to help us acknowledge this from the beginning. It’s a huge part of how He interacts with the nation of Israel. He builds in things like “Sabbath” to make sure we remember we’re limited. It’s interesting because we often think God expects us to overcome our limits when all along He’s been asking us to accept our limits. You have to acknowledge the fact that you can’t be everything to everyone.

1. **Commit to love and care, not carry**

God calls us to love and care for the people around us. He doesn’t call us to carry the weight and responsibility of their situation. Loving and caring creates joy and fulfillment, carrying someone creates frustration and bitterness. God doesn’t ask you to save them. You can’t do that. When you try, it destroys you.

You can care for someone, but you can’t heal them.

You can give good advice, but you can’t force them to take it.

You can help, but you can’t do it all.

You have to give the weight of the situation to God, not carry it yourself.

Ask yourself whether you’re loving this person or trying to carry them. It’s crucial for the next step.

1. **Engage God in the question of when and where**

When you decide to love and care instead of carry you can begin to listen to God, who is in control, about where and when you should help. If His answer never involves rest, you’re not listening to Him. Biblically it always includes rest.

There are going to be times when you will have to say no. If you’re carrying the situation, it’s going to result in guilt. If you’re trusting God to carry it and asking Him when and where you can say no, you can live without guilt knowing that you’re still following God in loving and caring. Don’t decide strategically, decide based on obeying what you believe He’s leading you to do.

1. **Ask for help**

Sometimes there is no one to help, but often I’ve found that there are people who can help, we just don’t ask because we’re carrying it ourselves. Sometimes we’ve developed pride in the fact that we’re carrying it and we judge others who aren’t. We feel good even though it’s destroying us. We don’t want to give that up. Let go of it. Ask for help. They may say no, but don’t say no for them. Don’t rob others of the chance to love and care as well.

1. **Love through rest**

The most loving thing you can do for the people and the world around you is to have a healthy pattern of rest. I’m not talking about being lazy. I’m talking about resting. I’m not talking about increasing your TV time, I’m talking about rest. In order to love well you need to rest. What really refreshes you? Are you taking time weekly to refresh your soul and yourself? Protect your time with God and your time of rest. You need it to love and care well.

God has called us to love and care for those around us as we care for ourselves. If you only care for yourself, you miss it. If you don’t take care of yourself, you miss it. Care and love, you weren’t created to carry.


Loving or Carrying

The Spring Choir is looking for new voices and would love to see you at the choir info meeting this Sunday, January 17th. Everyone is invited to attend, regardless of experience level or musical background.

The only requirement is that “you enjoy singing and worshiping God through music,” says Hannah Fain, the choir leader. “We’re looking for people who aren’t part of the worship team, but want to encourage others to worship and who represent the body of our church.”

As Hannah explains, music is a way for the entire church to respond to God’s grace. The worship team doesn’t perform for a passive crowd — it’s all about worshiping and engaging together. Hannah sees the choir as another opportunity to respond in worship more actively. She first introduced the idea of starting a choir at Hoboken Grace a couple years ago. Her vision became a reality with the Christmas Choir last December and is now continuing with the Spring Choir in 2016.

[![img_7571-2](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/img_7571-2.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/img%5F7571-2.jpg)  
To make the commitment easier for regular congregation members, the choir will meet only four times this spring before Easter. Also, choir members do not need to know how to read sheet music. Hannah, who majored in music education, will teach the parts by ear.

Choir members should, however, expect to have fun. “It’s not optional,” jokes Robert LaMorte, who participated in the Christmas Choir. “Dana and Hannah do a phenomenal job of breaking the ice, keeping it very casual, very light. They let you know the choir is important, but it’s not a job.” Also, despite already knowing a lot of people at Hoboken Grace through his role as a producer, Robert says he still met a lot of new people through the choir.

The choir info meeting will be held this Sunday at 2:30 p.m. in the upstairs conference room. Those attending will be asked to sing together to get a feel for the group, and to, of course, have fun!

More information can be found [here](https://www.facebook.com/events/1638830049710542/).


Sing Into Spring: Why You Should Join the Choir

_Two years ago, Hoboken Grace sent a team to Gulu, Uganda, for a Restore International [Vision Trip](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/going-to-uganda/). Their tour of northern Uganda took them to [Restore Leadership Academy](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/how-i-almost-missed-my-miracle/), where they held a graduation ceremony with Bob Goff, the group’s founder. They danced, watched balloons sail high into the air, and shared words of love and encouragement. It’s a memory — and a lesson — that has stuck with Erika ever since._

One of the most important things Bob Goff taught me is how to love people in a bigger way with my words.

As we prepared to celebrate the graduation of the children at [Restore Leadership Academy](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/watching-god-at-work-in-uganda/), Bob challenged us. This, more than any other advice he gave, is what has stuck with me:

**_“Don’t just tell people what they want to hear._** 
**_Tell them who they are.”_**

Call out the good, beautiful, and powerful things you see in them. Don’t just puff up their egos and deliver sugary, wafer-thin compliments that will quickly dissolve, but encourage them to walk in the fullness of all they were meant to be and do.

Telling people who they are is a practice that takes time and observation. You have to really pay attention to be able to look squarely into a person’s eyes and speak meaningful truth into someone’s life. Our words carry power, so much more so when we deliver them to someone we know intimately.

I think sometimes we avoid praising the good we see in others, because it makes us feel more vulnerable. It requires us to share a bit of our heart in order to reach to someone else’s. What if they never return the favor? What if our well-meaning words are dismissed, or met with sarcasm?

Author Marianne Williamson says:

_“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.”_

It can be so much easier to focus on flaws – our own, and certainly the ones we share with other people. The flaws seem so glaringly obvious, but it takes more work to actually observe and notice a person’s true character. Sometimes it seems easier to back-bite and gossip than practice building others up. You only need scroll through the litany of derisive, exhausting social media comments to know that we would often rather choose to tear each other down.

I want to live and speak differently.

The book of [Colossians](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians%204) (4:6) tells us:

_“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”_

I am becoming more of an encourager since coming home from Africa. Whether it is for a birthday, anniversary, or no occasion at all, I am making it a point to speak life and hope rather than destruction into those who cross my path. I want to choose my words more carefully, and to be spoken with grace. I want to be known as a joyful encourager, not an angry critic.

**_What have been the most encouraging words spoken to you? What might happen if you did the same for others more often?_**

_Erika is a dinner group leader and coach at Hoboken Grace. You can read more about faith, relationships, and life lessons on her blog, [Married in Mile Square City](http://marriedinmilesquarecity.com/)._


The Most Powerful Words You Can Speak

New Year’s resolutions. They go in one year and out the other. Do more. Do less. Do better. Be better. Start. Stop. Yada, yada. Live, laugh, love. Blah, blah, blah. Another epic fail. Even if we check them off we’re incomplete.

To reminisce about some personal failures, this sums up my do’s and don’ts of New Years past: Start hitting the gym every morning at 6 a.m. Start flossing 3 times a day. Start the gym every other day after work. Gym at least once a week and/or month. Start eating different food groups from the pyramid. Sleep. Keep a tidy apartment. Start budgeting. Finish reading the Bible. Finish making a New Year’s resolutions list. Finish a project I started. Stop stopping unfinished projects. Stop eating junk. Stop mindlessly dropping the f-bomb after doing something stupid. Stop doing stupid things. Stop and smell the roses. Stop at stop signs. Stop at nothing. Stop listening to Miley Cyrus’ _“We Can’t Stop”_ on repeat (can’t stop, won’t stop)… And please, stop saying the gym starts tomorrow.

Most honest, self-aware people will at some point come to know how much they suck at resolutions. Since I’m a slow learner, I only had this epiphany about a year ago. When I looked back on all I accomplished that year (or didn’t), the good things and what led me towards them could only be attributed to one thing – one word. And that’s when I discovered God, quite literally, has a way with words.

![Resolution](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/Resolution.jpg)

Throughout 2014 I was subconsciously drawn to one word. I’d find myself humming _Amazing Grace_ when I was stressed. Coincidentally, the first time I witnessed an adult baptism was at my uncle’s church, and the celebratory hymn was _Amazing Grace._ Chris Tomlin’s rendition of _Amazing Grace_ hit home and made me bawl (don’t judge, we’ve all been there), helping me experience hope at a time when I felt so lost. On another occasion, I closed my eyes and opened a book to a random chapter page where verses about God’s amazing grace began – a coincidence that led me to read the Bible for the first time of my own volition. I first became aware of my constant need for grace when I realized that none of my good deeds were truly selfless. Even as I gave my time to tutor kids, I sometimes felt like I wanted to kick them. I wanted to know why Jesus changed people’s names in the Bible to mean things like rock, rebellious, deliverer, or even deceiver, because these names seemed to foreshadow who the person ultimately became. Later I discovered that the Hebrew translation of “Anna” is “favour or grace.” 

It slowly became clear back then that my heart’s resolution throughout 2014 had been a single word. Grace. Again and again in those twelve months I had been inspired, changed, and saved on many levels by grace.

As 2015 approached, I prayed for God to help me grow and wondered if there was one word in His word that should be the focus that year. I felt compelled to write the word “LOVE” in my journal. I thought it sounded pretty corny at the time, so I quickly forgot about it. As last year went by, I found myself thinking about the concept of love, realizing more and more how little I knew about what love looked like, who love was, and how love does things. For a better part of the year, there was a song stuck in my head and God kept singing _“I am gonna show you what I mean, I am gonna love like you’ve never seen.”_ Although failing many times this year, I felt nudges moving and teaching me in small ways to show love, and to incorporate love in everyday decisions. To speak love and inspire it. This crazy little thing called love. Then a friend handed me a book titled _Love Does_. Those words exploded my definition of love and jumpstarted my heart. [Soon I was boarding a plane for an adventure of experiencing, trusting, receiving, and doing love.](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/how-i-almost-missed-my-miracle/)

Yet it wasn’t until a couple weeks ago, as I was looking back in my journal at my growth plan, that I was reminded how I had asked God to help me concentrate on one keyword. And there it was, where I had written it – “LOVE.” I think God was showing me what it means to spread His word; and though I hate to sound all lovey-dovey, there’s no doubt in my mind, this year my word was love.

There were so many things I hoped for in 2015 that I hardly knew where to start. More or less, I couldn’t figure out what I needed more or less of. But take my _word_ for it, I accomplished so much more than I had ever hoped. And it’s been amazing to say for the first time ever, I was able to keep a New Year’s resolution and let God use it to create lasting change.

A word is not something that can be spelled out, completed, and checked off a list. One word won’t form a script, become a statement, or define how to measure ourselves. Rather, a word comes in multiple forms – noun, verb, adjective, past, present, future. One word has many meanings, interpretations, and paradigms; building our allusions, irony, and suspense. It allows us to extend ourselves; to create new context and design our own synonyms, to expand our point of view, persona, and plot line. One will never find themselves at a loss for a good word. Even when words fail or are used incorrectly, we learn to revise those phrases of our lives and amend the story being written. A meaningful word is not forgotten, it’s meditated on and rewritten over and over until the word speaks life, and when all comes together it paints a picture worth a thousand more.

This New Year, instead of holding ourselves to our own promises, it’d be far more promising if we start holding God to His _word_! If God makes all things new, without Him it’s just another year. So let God have the final word this year. Just one word.

_Anna is a member of the Communications Team and the Creative Team. Her motto is “Where there’s pun, there’s fun.”_


2016 in a Word

Ashley Vinson was baptized last month at Hoboken Grace, and in celebration, we wanted to highlight her story. I recently had the chance to ask Ashley a few questions about her baptism and was inspired to share our conversation.

**_How did you hear about Hoboken Grace, and what made you decide to join?_**

I found Hoboken Grace on Yelp, I’m almost embarrassed to say. A year ago, on New Year’s Eve, I was having a really rough time. I felt incredibly alone, dealing with the end of a relationship, in a job that was taking everything out of me, and in a new city. To be completely honest, I was lying in my bed sobbing…and I just had this feeling that I needed to find a church. It was almost like God nudging me, saying, “Okay, Ashley…it’s time.” I went online and found the videos of previous services, and I fell asleep watching and listening to the message. That following Sunday, I went in person to one of the Hoboken locations and then joined a dinner group almost immediately.

**_Were you nervous to go to church by yourself for the first time?_**

I just tried to throw myself into it. I remember the first service was such a healing experience. I’m pretty sure I cried, but then again, I cry a lot. But I remember Pastor Chris specifically talking about how it doesn’t make sense to pray for patience, and love, and strength, and all of those other good things that would make life wonderful. Instead, we should be praying and working to get closer to God, learning more about Jesus and his love, because in doing so those things will come. I had been praying for patience, and love, and strength. There’s no coincidence in timing, in my opinion.

**_How has this advice impacted you?_**

Since then, life has been life. The advice didn’t include some magical, immediate change with perfect happiness. It’s really been up and down. I’ve struggled…and still struggle…a lot. But I will say that my family has noticed a change. There’s more underlying peace in my life, I would say. I attended the services for a while, very consistently. But then I started traveling a lot and watching Livestream. I went on a bit of a hiatus with in-person services and dinner group, but I honestly had to come back to it all. It’s really easy for me to run away. I think it’s very easy for me to treat God like a medicine and take him when I need him, when I’m sick. But then I stop until the next time I’m sick. That’s so wrong…I won’t deny that God has been quite the medicine for me, but he’s not a one-time pill. He’s more of a daily multi-vitamin. But to be serious, I’m working really hard to seek God in such a way that he becomes an inextricable part of my everything.

**_Tell me about your decision to get baptized!_** 

I decided to get baptized on October 23rd, at Amplify. I had been thinking about it a lot but hadn’t felt yet like it was the “right now.” I wanted to be sure. I guess what happened at Amplify is (1) God said I had to…so that’s basically the end of that story. Truly, that day I know I was being told that this was the next step and this was the time to make it. But (2), I realized that baptism is not a declaration of perfection of completion at all. If that were the case, I would never have done it.

**_What did it symbolize for you?_**

For me, baptism is an act of intentionality. I wanted to commit to God. I wanted to acknowledge my belief and my faith. Honestly, I’m not the most disciplined person in the world, so it has been easy for me to have ebbs and flows in my relationship with God. But baptism for me was the decision to commit to getting to know God more and to strive to make my life a better reflection of His love.

![DSC_5218](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/DSC_5218.jpg)

**_How challenging has that been?_**

The way I look at it, a relationship with God isn’t that different from a marriage or other relationship. It takes time and effort and commitment. You don’t always love the other person the right way, and you don’t always do right by them. We make mistakes, and we pull away at times. But the commitment declares where my heart is. It’s with God. And quite frankly, I want to lock myself into that decision and hold myself to the work it takes to make this relationship work. There was a series where Pastor Chris talked about how our intimacy should match and not go beyond our commitment. Now that message spoke to me on all sorts of levels, but that’s a story for another time. Specifically here, I wanted to be closer to God. And I know that God is fully open to having a relationship with all of us and that he has already made that commitment to us through His sacrifice of His Son. Jesus carries all the burden. But what kind of relationship is that? I wanted to commit, too.

**_Do you feel different after taking the step of baptism?_** 

Well, I see baptism as a recognition of promise and renewal. I will say that doesn’t mean I walk around feeling cleansed all day every day. What it does mean is that when I am getting stuck in the past, or in some sort of personal rut, I can remind myself of who I’ve been made to be. I really do believe in the good in people, and I guess thinking about it now, it’s kind of like God says, “Look, I see the good in you. I see all that you can be.” And baptism is the moment when you say, “You’re right. Thank you. I will be that person.” And God says, “You already are. Now stop pretending and get to being the you I made you to be.”

Baptism is also a massive “thank you.” And an “I love you.” And a “Welcome — come in.”

_To learn more about taking the step of baptism, attend Hoboken Grace’s class_ _[What Is Baptism](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/9320) after each service this Sunday._


A Declaration of Imperfection

Financial Peace University has enabled thousands of Americans across the country to celebrate being debt-free. It is a nine-week course taught by financial guru Dave Ramsey, and it is offered at Hoboken Grace this January! We are excited to kick off 2016 by helping you find financial freedom and take active steps toward achieving your goals.

[![cc_tearup](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/cc_tearup-1024x768.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/cc%5Ftearup.jpg)

This fall, 24 people signed up for FPU — our highest enrollment yet. The course challenged attendees to keep a budget each month in order to keep track of where every dollar was going. It also encouraged consistent communication between spouses and taught the importance of saving enough to buy what you need and want, instead of borrowing money. Most importantly, the class highlighted how God can bless us immensely when we work hard and give cheerfully. Households were transformed as they experienced thousands of dollars in turnover and experienced feeling more financially secure for the future.

Accountability and encouragement are key components to FPU’s success. After each lesson, participants form small groups to share experiences and advice. Each week, they also answer study questions together, and are assigned a guided task that challenges them to be more hands-on with their money.

Dave Ramsey calls the next steps we take in our financial journey “baby steps.” Participants are encouraged to start paying off smaller debts first to get momentum going. Once participants sign up for one class, they have a lifetime membership, so they can return to the class whenever they like. Through every baby step, participants learn how to choose insurance, budget every month, save for emergencies, choose wise investments and more.

Financial Peace University will be offered on Sundays from 2 p.m. – 4 p.m. and Tuesdays from 7:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. starting the week of January 24th. A small amount of financial aid is available for anyone in need.

REGISTER HERE!

Sundays from 2 – 4pm

<http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/locations/class/1011528>

Tuesdays from 7:30 – 9:30pm

<http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/locations/class/1011529>

Got questions? Contact [Sarah](https://www.facebook.com/sarah.whittenton) | sarah@hobokengrace.com


Find Your Financial Freedom

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A Diverse, Growing, Contemporary, Community Church in Hoboken

Everything we do revolves around our mission of helping people find their way back to God. Our goal is to demonstrate who God really is and to let others know that God wants a relationship with each and every one of us.

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