One of the things this season of life is teaching me is how to better empathize with others.

I realized recently that many of my single friends are likely experiencing a version of what I am now – this [longing for a season of life](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/finding-gratitude-amid-grief/) that has not yet happened. Maybe, like me, you face daily reminders that you are not where you want to be – they show up multiple times a day, reminding you that you are behind. You feel like there are massive roadblocks keeping you from a role you were meant to play. You feel silly being reduced to tears over the desire to be somewhere different from where you are right now. It feels wrong to be devastated by your goal to be in a life-giving, loving relationship not coming true in your desired time, but you are devastated nonetheless.

Friend, you have every right to feel that way.

I have so many amazing, attractive, successful friends who are single. I see all their incredible qualities and it seems to me that it is given that one day they will meet their match. I want to believe they will be rewarded for their years of faithfully waiting for that person and pursuing the callings on their lives while being open to love if it crosses their paths. I believe this because they have so much to offer, and because they deserve it. They seem to be doing everything right. But me telling my single friends that I know marriage will happen for them is not helpful, because I do not actually know that. My words are hopeful, but devoid of meaning.

When our friends are going through tough times, especially when they are sharing something painful with us, we tend to try to soothe their pain and offer advice. We offer platitudes because suffering and unrealized dreams make us feel uncomfortable. We want to fix it, make it better. We try to offer hope, but it often feels empty and falls flat.

Telling each other success stories is how we aim to prove that things will get better, that there is hope. And sometimes, we do find hope in those stories. But we need to be careful not to take one person’s story and use it as a rule for all people’s stories. It is a beautiful thing to have hope, but it’s another to make blanket statements and say because something happened for one person, it will happen for all of us.

We need to give ourselves and others permission to grieve instead of downplaying the reality of the suffering. Pretending that our circumstances are trivial or comparing our pain in degree to others’ does not make it less painful. Instead, it metastasizes as we try to push it down and ignore it.

Can we not trivialize the pain and try to make it go away? Can we instead just sit and say that yes, it sucks? Yes, it is hard. Can we practice acknowledging that it exists and just be with one another?

God has promised me certain things in my conversations with Him – that I will be a mother, one way or another – but it is not as worthwhile to hang on to those promises as it is to hang on to the One who made the promises in the first place. I believe in a promise-keeping God, because I know that to be His character. He is good. He is love. And He is trustworthy despite my circumstances. He has shown up before, throughout the course of history, and fulfilled promises for His people. But answered prayers often look far different from our expectations. There are plenty of unrealized promises still lingering.

So how do we acknowledge suffering and longing, but not dwell in it, refusing to move? What does it look like for you to choose joy?

_Erika is a dinner group leader and coach at Hoboken Grace. You can read more about faith, relationships, and life lessons on her blog, [Married in Mile Square City](http://marriedinmilesquarecity.com/)._


When Your Timelines Go Astray


\[Guardrails: a system designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous or off-limit areas.\]

They’re everywhere, but they don’t really get much attention . . . until somebody hits one. And then, more often than not, it is a lifesaver.

Ever wonder what it would be like to have guardrails in other areas of your life—areas where culture baits you to the edge of disaster and then chastises you when you step across the line?

Your friendships. Your finances. Your marriage. Maybe your greatest regret could have been avoided if you had established guardrails. Join us for the next six weeks as we explore what it would look like to stop flirting with disaster and establish some personal guardrails.


Guardrails — Beginning February 14th

Growing up, I lived vicariously through books and movies, dreaming of a life with unforgettable scenes, memorable characters and life-changing conversations. And while Hogwarts and Middle Earth may have been out of reach, it still seemed possible that life could unfold in magical ways.

Take the movie _Garden State_, for example. There’s a scene where Zach Braff’s character looks into the camera and says “Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.” The rain pours down around him, Simon & Garfunkel play, and the camera backs away to reveal a cavernous quarry. At 15, I ate it up and believed real life could be just as epic.

But a decade later, real life felt more like an infinite abyss of everyday routines – the scenes that are edited out of movies. It was more ordinary than extraordinary, and certainly not epic. And then a story more interesting than my own changed everything.

![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/uganda2-576x1024.jpg)

In _A Million Miles in a Thousand Years_, Don Miller writes about a similar struggle while trying to turn his breakout memoir, _Blue Like Jazz_, into a screenplay. His life, he realized, was missing the scenes that audiences would want to watch onscreen. And so he set out to learn what makes a compelling story.

At the core, he explains, is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it. The protagonist must take action, without giving in to fear or doubts. The journey is where character development happens — where they are shaped and molded. The best stories, he determines, take initiative, investment and courage.

Don eventually realized that if he applied the same principles to life — if he wanted something and overcame conflict to get it — he, too, would be living a better story. If he put himself in more memorable scenes and settings, the narrative itself would become more memorable (which is why movies never take place in coffee shops). After all, a good story is just life with the meaningless parts edited out.

My own life, meanwhile, felt like a string of random experiences patched together by nothing more than the weeks and months and years. I edit stories for a living, but I was living an unedited story. There was no premise, no direction. It wasn’t going anywhere.

I wanted to live a better story. And somewhere inside of us, Don says, is a voice that wants us to live a better story, too.

“You can call it God or a conscience, or you can dismiss it as that intuitive knowing we all have as human beings, as living storytellers; but there is a knowing I feel that guides me toward better stories, toward being a better character,” he writes. “I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, and whispering a better story into our consciousness.”

God might craft a large part of the narrative, but any author will tell you that characters have a mind of their own. He wants you to reach out to that person and He wants you to say yes to that adventure. He wants to show you the sunset and the infinite abyss, and He wants to create memorable scenes and conversations and characters. And He also wants to see you grow along the journey. But sometimes you have to be brave enough to step into the story.

So I started listening more closely to that voice. I started saying yes to more things that scared me, or that I thought I was incapable of doing, or that I thought would just make a good story.

I tuned out fear and doubt and went to Uganda, [where I watched the sun rise over the equator each morning and the Milky Way snake across the sky each night](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/watching-god-at-work-in-uganda/). I got within feet of a lion and went zip lining, despite a serious fear of heights.

But the people I met taught me more about story than I could ever learn in a book. They had witnessed the most unimaginable things during Uganda’s civil war, and yet they were inspired to create a better story for themselves. There were students I met who had grown up on the run, but now wanted to run into war zones to foster peace. They dreamed of becoming lawyers and doctors and journalists. Their stories had been defined by conflict, but they had also been transformed by courage.

[![uganda](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/uganda.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/uganda.jpg)

Now that I was paying attention to what made a story meaningful, I started seeing meaning in stories everywhere — in the [videos](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/story/) we watch on Sunday mornings, in conversations with friends, and especially in the stories that I worked on for the Writing Team. They were stories about pursuing dreams and achieving goals and overcoming obstacles. But at their core, they were about the transformation that happens when people embrace their story and charge forward, no matter the risk or consequences. (See the [top 10 most-read blog posts](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/our-top-10-blog-posts-of-2015/) if you want proof.)

And while writing about how God was shaping other people’s stories, I began to overhaul my own. I edited out the meaningless scenes and added others in. I reexamined how I was investing my money and my time. Was I moving the story forward? Or weighing down the narrative?

But outlining how I wanted the story to unfold also changed the way I interpreted my past — adding meaning to moments I’d once considered meaningless. After I started viewing myself as a character in God’s story, I could see the subplots He had used for character development, and experiences that, in retrospect, did have purpose. I also saw foreshadowing, and times when God had tried to improve my story.

I remembered a moment in college when a campus crusade group — the same one [Karen mentioned had been so loving in her story on Sunday](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/story/karens-story/), at the same school — handed me a copy of _Blue Like Jazz_. Dismissing it as a Christian memoir I didn’t think I needed, it sat on my bookshelf until I eventually sold it for textbook or beer money. But I wonder if my story would be different if I had flipped through its pages.

Life is funny like that. Sometimes God hands us a better story and we blow it off, thinking we know better. But it’s the moments when we listen — when we cast away fear and cast ourselves into bigger stories — that transform our character for the better. Without conflict, there’s no progression. The narrative stalls. But when we’re brave enough to pursue a better story, there’s an infinite abyss of possibility out there, just waiting to be explored.

_Brittney is the leader of the Writing Team. She still gets lost in a good book or movie._


Living a Meaningful Story

Financial Peace University returns to Hoboken Grace on February 6th. This [nine-week course](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/find-your-financial-freedom/) by financial guru Dave Ramsey has helped thousands of people take control of their finances and become debt-free. Registration for both spring classes is full, but the course will be offered again in the fall.

For many, the class has been transformative. In fact, many of Hoboken Grace’s former students appreciated it so much that they’ve returned to help run the class. Here are a few of the important lessons past students have learned, and the biggest things they took away from their time at FPU:

**Laura** 

When Ricky and I started FPU a year ago, we had no idea what a tremendous impact this course would have on how we viewed our finances as Christians and as a married couple. Before we learned about how to budget at FPU, we basically had five or so categories in our spreadsheet that included rent, food, travel, other needs, and miscellaneous. After a while, we noticed that the miscellaneous category seemed to trump the other categories, but neither of us could really say what those miscellaneous expenses were. FPU helped us straighten out our budget because it helped us realize that budgeting is really just about telling your money what to do. If you have a plan and purpose for every dollar in your budget, you will know exactly what your budget is doing all the time.

FPU helped us sort out our finances in a number of ways. First of all, we have accomplished all of the first three baby steps. We already had a beginner emergency budget when we started the course, but we now have a full emergency fund with 3 months’ expenses and are continuing to save every month. We have also paid off all of our debts with the debt snowball method and canceled and cut up four credit cards. We now use our debit cards and cash to pay for 90% of our household needs. Since we don’t have kids or a mortgage, we are currently working on baby steps 4 and 7\. Finally, what FPU has helped us accomplish above and beyond anything else is twofold: first, our communication about finances is a million times better than it was before; and second, we have peace of mind knowing that we are stewarding our finances in a way that honors the One who has provided so faithfully for us. And really, that’s what this course is all about.

**John** 

I considered myself pretty financially responsible before taking the class, but I knew there was always room for improvement. I learned stuff I never knew and looked forward to each new topic every week! I recommend it to anyone who has been allowing their money to control them versus the other way around. Dave makes the sessions fun while still being informative.

**Jeff** 

FPU really helped me to invest the time and effort into reigning in my personal finances. By applying the biblical principles outlined in the class, I’ve become a better steward, and I have been able to live more generously and with less stress. I’m a strong believer in the program and have joined the Hoboken Grace FPU Team to assist with this semester’s classes.

**Ricky** 

Financial Peace University helped my wife and I to deal with the stress of managing our finances and pay off our remaining debts. I’m pleased to report that we are debt free in 2016, in large part thanks to Vinny Hu and his wonderful FPU team. Laura and I now help facilitate FPU on a weekly basis; it’s great to give back. It’s a wonderful, worthwhile experience that I highly recommend to anyone who is serious about managing their money more responsibly.

**Enrico** 

The most important thing I learned in FPU is that I’m not alone — there is hope, and everyone needs to face their own battles as they search for their financial peace. Secondly, everything doesn’t happen overnight. Patience, accountability, and full determination are key ingredients in this journey. Third, always use the 80/20 rule, which says that breaking a bad habit is 80% behavior and 20% head knowledge. Lastly, use the power of automation and use technology to your advantage. You will know what I’m talking about when you join Financial Peace University.

_Financial Peace University will be offered on Monday and Tuesday Nights from 7:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. starting the week of February 6th. Classes are full this semester. If you have any questions you can contact Sarah at [sarah@hobokengrace.com](mailto:sarah@hobokengrace.com)._


The Most Important Lessons We Learned From FPU


What do you do when loving the people in your life becomes unmanageable? We’ve all experienced it to some degree. There comes a point when loving well becomes overwhelming. It’s not that you don’t want to care, it’s not that you aren’t trying to do all you can. It’s simply the reality that in doing all you can, you’re driving yourself into the ground.

I recently had this conversation with a friend who had two very needy people in her life. It wasn’t that they were annoyingly needy. They had real needs — health needs — and the time it took to help them with those needs was beginning to become unmanageable. My friend wanted desperately to care for them and felt responsible as one was her dad. She came to me frustrated and exhausted.

What do you do when loving seems impossible and you’re at the end of yourself?

1. **Acknowledge your limitations**

One of the realities of life that we hate to face is the fact that we are limited. God has been trying to help us acknowledge this from the beginning. It’s a huge part of how He interacts with the nation of Israel. He builds in things like “Sabbath” to make sure we remember we’re limited. It’s interesting because we often think God expects us to overcome our limits when all along He’s been asking us to accept our limits. You have to acknowledge the fact that you can’t be everything to everyone.

1. **Commit to love and care, not carry**

God calls us to love and care for the people around us. He doesn’t call us to carry the weight and responsibility of their situation. Loving and caring creates joy and fulfillment, carrying someone creates frustration and bitterness. God doesn’t ask you to save them. You can’t do that. When you try, it destroys you.

You can care for someone, but you can’t heal them.

You can give good advice, but you can’t force them to take it.

You can help, but you can’t do it all.

You have to give the weight of the situation to God, not carry it yourself.

Ask yourself whether you’re loving this person or trying to carry them. It’s crucial for the next step.

1. **Engage God in the question of when and where**

When you decide to love and care instead of carry you can begin to listen to God, who is in control, about where and when you should help. If His answer never involves rest, you’re not listening to Him. Biblically it always includes rest.

There are going to be times when you will have to say no. If you’re carrying the situation, it’s going to result in guilt. If you’re trusting God to carry it and asking Him when and where you can say no, you can live without guilt knowing that you’re still following God in loving and caring. Don’t decide strategically, decide based on obeying what you believe He’s leading you to do.

1. **Ask for help**

Sometimes there is no one to help, but often I’ve found that there are people who can help, we just don’t ask because we’re carrying it ourselves. Sometimes we’ve developed pride in the fact that we’re carrying it and we judge others who aren’t. We feel good even though it’s destroying us. We don’t want to give that up. Let go of it. Ask for help. They may say no, but don’t say no for them. Don’t rob others of the chance to love and care as well.

1. **Love through rest**

The most loving thing you can do for the people and the world around you is to have a healthy pattern of rest. I’m not talking about being lazy. I’m talking about resting. I’m not talking about increasing your TV time, I’m talking about rest. In order to love well you need to rest. What really refreshes you? Are you taking time weekly to refresh your soul and yourself? Protect your time with God and your time of rest. You need it to love and care well.

God has called us to love and care for those around us as we care for ourselves. If you only care for yourself, you miss it. If you don’t take care of yourself, you miss it. Care and love, you weren’t created to carry.


Loving or Carrying

The Spring Choir is looking for new voices and would love to see you at the choir info meeting this Sunday, January 17th. Everyone is invited to attend, regardless of experience level or musical background.

The only requirement is that “you enjoy singing and worshiping God through music,” says Hannah Fain, the choir leader. “We’re looking for people who aren’t part of the worship team, but want to encourage others to worship and who represent the body of our church.”

As Hannah explains, music is a way for the entire church to respond to God’s grace. The worship team doesn’t perform for a passive crowd — it’s all about worshiping and engaging together. Hannah sees the choir as another opportunity to respond in worship more actively. She first introduced the idea of starting a choir at Hoboken Grace a couple years ago. Her vision became a reality with the Christmas Choir last December and is now continuing with the Spring Choir in 2016.

[![img_7571-2](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/img_7571-2.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/img%5F7571-2.jpg)  
To make the commitment easier for regular congregation members, the choir will meet only four times this spring before Easter. Also, choir members do not need to know how to read sheet music. Hannah, who majored in music education, will teach the parts by ear.

Choir members should, however, expect to have fun. “It’s not optional,” jokes Robert LaMorte, who participated in the Christmas Choir. “Dana and Hannah do a phenomenal job of breaking the ice, keeping it very casual, very light. They let you know the choir is important, but it’s not a job.” Also, despite already knowing a lot of people at Hoboken Grace through his role as a producer, Robert says he still met a lot of new people through the choir.

The choir info meeting will be held this Sunday at 2:30 p.m. in the upstairs conference room. Those attending will be asked to sing together to get a feel for the group, and to, of course, have fun!

More information can be found [here](https://www.facebook.com/events/1638830049710542/).


Sing Into Spring: Why You Should Join the Choir

_Two years ago, Hoboken Grace sent a team to Gulu, Uganda, for a Restore International [Vision Trip](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/going-to-uganda/). Their tour of northern Uganda took them to [Restore Leadership Academy](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/how-i-almost-missed-my-miracle/), where they held a graduation ceremony with Bob Goff, the group’s founder. They danced, watched balloons sail high into the air, and shared words of love and encouragement. It’s a memory — and a lesson — that has stuck with Erika ever since._

One of the most important things Bob Goff taught me is how to love people in a bigger way with my words.

As we prepared to celebrate the graduation of the children at [Restore Leadership Academy](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/watching-god-at-work-in-uganda/), Bob challenged us. This, more than any other advice he gave, is what has stuck with me:

**_“Don’t just tell people what they want to hear._** 
**_Tell them who they are.”_**

Call out the good, beautiful, and powerful things you see in them. Don’t just puff up their egos and deliver sugary, wafer-thin compliments that will quickly dissolve, but encourage them to walk in the fullness of all they were meant to be and do.

Telling people who they are is a practice that takes time and observation. You have to really pay attention to be able to look squarely into a person’s eyes and speak meaningful truth into someone’s life. Our words carry power, so much more so when we deliver them to someone we know intimately.

I think sometimes we avoid praising the good we see in others, because it makes us feel more vulnerable. It requires us to share a bit of our heart in order to reach to someone else’s. What if they never return the favor? What if our well-meaning words are dismissed, or met with sarcasm?

Author Marianne Williamson says:

_“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.”_

It can be so much easier to focus on flaws – our own, and certainly the ones we share with other people. The flaws seem so glaringly obvious, but it takes more work to actually observe and notice a person’s true character. Sometimes it seems easier to back-bite and gossip than practice building others up. You only need scroll through the litany of derisive, exhausting social media comments to know that we would often rather choose to tear each other down.

I want to live and speak differently.

The book of [Colossians](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Colossians%204) (4:6) tells us:

_“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”_

I am becoming more of an encourager since coming home from Africa. Whether it is for a birthday, anniversary, or no occasion at all, I am making it a point to speak life and hope rather than destruction into those who cross my path. I want to choose my words more carefully, and to be spoken with grace. I want to be known as a joyful encourager, not an angry critic.

**_What have been the most encouraging words spoken to you? What might happen if you did the same for others more often?_**

_Erika is a dinner group leader and coach at Hoboken Grace. You can read more about faith, relationships, and life lessons on her blog, [Married in Mile Square City](http://marriedinmilesquarecity.com/)._


The Most Powerful Words You Can Speak

New Year’s resolutions. They go in one year and out the other. Do more. Do less. Do better. Be better. Start. Stop. Yada, yada. Live, laugh, love. Blah, blah, blah. Another epic fail. Even if we check them off we’re incomplete.

To reminisce about some personal failures, this sums up my do’s and don’ts of New Years past: Start hitting the gym every morning at 6 a.m. Start flossing 3 times a day. Start the gym every other day after work. Gym at least once a week and/or month. Start eating different food groups from the pyramid. Sleep. Keep a tidy apartment. Start budgeting. Finish reading the Bible. Finish making a New Year’s resolutions list. Finish a project I started. Stop stopping unfinished projects. Stop eating junk. Stop mindlessly dropping the f-bomb after doing something stupid. Stop doing stupid things. Stop and smell the roses. Stop at stop signs. Stop at nothing. Stop listening to Miley Cyrus’ _“We Can’t Stop”_ on repeat (can’t stop, won’t stop)… And please, stop saying the gym starts tomorrow.

Most honest, self-aware people will at some point come to know how much they suck at resolutions. Since I’m a slow learner, I only had this epiphany about a year ago. When I looked back on all I accomplished that year (or didn’t), the good things and what led me towards them could only be attributed to one thing – one word. And that’s when I discovered God, quite literally, has a way with words.

![Resolution](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/Resolution.jpg)

Throughout 2014 I was subconsciously drawn to one word. I’d find myself humming _Amazing Grace_ when I was stressed. Coincidentally, the first time I witnessed an adult baptism was at my uncle’s church, and the celebratory hymn was _Amazing Grace._ Chris Tomlin’s rendition of _Amazing Grace_ hit home and made me bawl (don’t judge, we’ve all been there), helping me experience hope at a time when I felt so lost. On another occasion, I closed my eyes and opened a book to a random chapter page where verses about God’s amazing grace began – a coincidence that led me to read the Bible for the first time of my own volition. I first became aware of my constant need for grace when I realized that none of my good deeds were truly selfless. Even as I gave my time to tutor kids, I sometimes felt like I wanted to kick them. I wanted to know why Jesus changed people’s names in the Bible to mean things like rock, rebellious, deliverer, or even deceiver, because these names seemed to foreshadow who the person ultimately became. Later I discovered that the Hebrew translation of “Anna” is “favour or grace.” 

It slowly became clear back then that my heart’s resolution throughout 2014 had been a single word. Grace. Again and again in those twelve months I had been inspired, changed, and saved on many levels by grace.

As 2015 approached, I prayed for God to help me grow and wondered if there was one word in His word that should be the focus that year. I felt compelled to write the word “LOVE” in my journal. I thought it sounded pretty corny at the time, so I quickly forgot about it. As last year went by, I found myself thinking about the concept of love, realizing more and more how little I knew about what love looked like, who love was, and how love does things. For a better part of the year, there was a song stuck in my head and God kept singing _“I am gonna show you what I mean, I am gonna love like you’ve never seen.”_ Although failing many times this year, I felt nudges moving and teaching me in small ways to show love, and to incorporate love in everyday decisions. To speak love and inspire it. This crazy little thing called love. Then a friend handed me a book titled _Love Does_. Those words exploded my definition of love and jumpstarted my heart. [Soon I was boarding a plane for an adventure of experiencing, trusting, receiving, and doing love.](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/how-i-almost-missed-my-miracle/)

Yet it wasn’t until a couple weeks ago, as I was looking back in my journal at my growth plan, that I was reminded how I had asked God to help me concentrate on one keyword. And there it was, where I had written it – “LOVE.” I think God was showing me what it means to spread His word; and though I hate to sound all lovey-dovey, there’s no doubt in my mind, this year my word was love.

There were so many things I hoped for in 2015 that I hardly knew where to start. More or less, I couldn’t figure out what I needed more or less of. But take my _word_ for it, I accomplished so much more than I had ever hoped. And it’s been amazing to say for the first time ever, I was able to keep a New Year’s resolution and let God use it to create lasting change.

A word is not something that can be spelled out, completed, and checked off a list. One word won’t form a script, become a statement, or define how to measure ourselves. Rather, a word comes in multiple forms – noun, verb, adjective, past, present, future. One word has many meanings, interpretations, and paradigms; building our allusions, irony, and suspense. It allows us to extend ourselves; to create new context and design our own synonyms, to expand our point of view, persona, and plot line. One will never find themselves at a loss for a good word. Even when words fail or are used incorrectly, we learn to revise those phrases of our lives and amend the story being written. A meaningful word is not forgotten, it’s meditated on and rewritten over and over until the word speaks life, and when all comes together it paints a picture worth a thousand more.

This New Year, instead of holding ourselves to our own promises, it’d be far more promising if we start holding God to His _word_! If God makes all things new, without Him it’s just another year. So let God have the final word this year. Just one word.

_Anna is a member of the Communications Team and the Creative Team. Her motto is “Where there’s pun, there’s fun.”_


2016 in a Word

Ashley Vinson was baptized last month at Hoboken Grace, and in celebration, we wanted to highlight her story. I recently had the chance to ask Ashley a few questions about her baptism and was inspired to share our conversation.

**_How did you hear about Hoboken Grace, and what made you decide to join?_**

I found Hoboken Grace on Yelp, I’m almost embarrassed to say. A year ago, on New Year’s Eve, I was having a really rough time. I felt incredibly alone, dealing with the end of a relationship, in a job that was taking everything out of me, and in a new city. To be completely honest, I was lying in my bed sobbing…and I just had this feeling that I needed to find a church. It was almost like God nudging me, saying, “Okay, Ashley…it’s time.” I went online and found the videos of previous services, and I fell asleep watching and listening to the message. That following Sunday, I went in person to one of the Hoboken locations and then joined a dinner group almost immediately.

**_Were you nervous to go to church by yourself for the first time?_**

I just tried to throw myself into it. I remember the first service was such a healing experience. I’m pretty sure I cried, but then again, I cry a lot. But I remember Pastor Chris specifically talking about how it doesn’t make sense to pray for patience, and love, and strength, and all of those other good things that would make life wonderful. Instead, we should be praying and working to get closer to God, learning more about Jesus and his love, because in doing so those things will come. I had been praying for patience, and love, and strength. There’s no coincidence in timing, in my opinion.

**_How has this advice impacted you?_**

Since then, life has been life. The advice didn’t include some magical, immediate change with perfect happiness. It’s really been up and down. I’ve struggled…and still struggle…a lot. But I will say that my family has noticed a change. There’s more underlying peace in my life, I would say. I attended the services for a while, very consistently. But then I started traveling a lot and watching Livestream. I went on a bit of a hiatus with in-person services and dinner group, but I honestly had to come back to it all. It’s really easy for me to run away. I think it’s very easy for me to treat God like a medicine and take him when I need him, when I’m sick. But then I stop until the next time I’m sick. That’s so wrong…I won’t deny that God has been quite the medicine for me, but he’s not a one-time pill. He’s more of a daily multi-vitamin. But to be serious, I’m working really hard to seek God in such a way that he becomes an inextricable part of my everything.

**_Tell me about your decision to get baptized!_** 

I decided to get baptized on October 23rd, at Amplify. I had been thinking about it a lot but hadn’t felt yet like it was the “right now.” I wanted to be sure. I guess what happened at Amplify is (1) God said I had to…so that’s basically the end of that story. Truly, that day I know I was being told that this was the next step and this was the time to make it. But (2), I realized that baptism is not a declaration of perfection of completion at all. If that were the case, I would never have done it.

**_What did it symbolize for you?_**

For me, baptism is an act of intentionality. I wanted to commit to God. I wanted to acknowledge my belief and my faith. Honestly, I’m not the most disciplined person in the world, so it has been easy for me to have ebbs and flows in my relationship with God. But baptism for me was the decision to commit to getting to know God more and to strive to make my life a better reflection of His love.

![DSC_5218](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/DSC_5218.jpg)

**_How challenging has that been?_**

The way I look at it, a relationship with God isn’t that different from a marriage or other relationship. It takes time and effort and commitment. You don’t always love the other person the right way, and you don’t always do right by them. We make mistakes, and we pull away at times. But the commitment declares where my heart is. It’s with God. And quite frankly, I want to lock myself into that decision and hold myself to the work it takes to make this relationship work. There was a series where Pastor Chris talked about how our intimacy should match and not go beyond our commitment. Now that message spoke to me on all sorts of levels, but that’s a story for another time. Specifically here, I wanted to be closer to God. And I know that God is fully open to having a relationship with all of us and that he has already made that commitment to us through His sacrifice of His Son. Jesus carries all the burden. But what kind of relationship is that? I wanted to commit, too.

**_Do you feel different after taking the step of baptism?_** 

Well, I see baptism as a recognition of promise and renewal. I will say that doesn’t mean I walk around feeling cleansed all day every day. What it does mean is that when I am getting stuck in the past, or in some sort of personal rut, I can remind myself of who I’ve been made to be. I really do believe in the good in people, and I guess thinking about it now, it’s kind of like God says, “Look, I see the good in you. I see all that you can be.” And baptism is the moment when you say, “You’re right. Thank you. I will be that person.” And God says, “You already are. Now stop pretending and get to being the you I made you to be.”

Baptism is also a massive “thank you.” And an “I love you.” And a “Welcome — come in.”

_To learn more about taking the step of baptism, attend Hoboken Grace’s class_ _[What Is Baptism](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/9320) after each service this Sunday._


A Declaration of Imperfection

Financial Peace University has enabled thousands of Americans across the country to celebrate being debt-free. It is a nine-week course taught by financial guru Dave Ramsey, and it is offered at Hoboken Grace this January! We are excited to kick off 2016 by helping you find financial freedom and take active steps toward achieving your goals.

[![cc_tearup](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/cc_tearup-1024x768.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2016/01/cc%5Ftearup.jpg)

This fall, 24 people signed up for FPU — our highest enrollment yet. The course challenged attendees to keep a budget each month in order to keep track of where every dollar was going. It also encouraged consistent communication between spouses and taught the importance of saving enough to buy what you need and want, instead of borrowing money. Most importantly, the class highlighted how God can bless us immensely when we work hard and give cheerfully. Households were transformed as they experienced thousands of dollars in turnover and experienced feeling more financially secure for the future.

Accountability and encouragement are key components to FPU’s success. After each lesson, participants form small groups to share experiences and advice. Each week, they also answer study questions together, and are assigned a guided task that challenges them to be more hands-on with their money.

Dave Ramsey calls the next steps we take in our financial journey “baby steps.” Participants are encouraged to start paying off smaller debts first to get momentum going. Once participants sign up for one class, they have a lifetime membership, so they can return to the class whenever they like. Through every baby step, participants learn how to choose insurance, budget every month, save for emergencies, choose wise investments and more.

Financial Peace University will be offered on Sundays from 2 p.m. – 4 p.m. and Tuesdays from 7:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. starting the week of January 24th. A small amount of financial aid is available for anyone in need.

REGISTER HERE!

Sundays from 2 – 4pm

<http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/locations/class/1011528>

Tuesdays from 7:30 – 9:30pm

<http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/locations/class/1011529>

Got questions? Contact [Sarah](https://www.facebook.com/sarah.whittenton) | sarah@hobokengrace.com


Find Your Financial Freedom

One of the great things about the new year is that it gives us a chance to reset. It gives us a chance to adjust our course and set our sights on where it is we want to be and who we want to become. Unfortunately, we often think of this in professional, relational and physical terms, but neglect our spiritual development. This year, set your course early as you engage this journey with Christ. Decide today to experience, love and honor Him in new ways. Here are five powerful tools to help you do just that.

**1\. Join a Dinner Group**

It’s a fact — you will grow more if you are pursuing Christ with others who are pursuing Christ than if you walk alone. This January all of our groups reset for 2016\. This is the perfect time to [get connected](http://hobokengrace.com/dinnergroups/). Groups are critical in our growth and help keep us consistent, while protecting against a self-centered journey.

**2\. Begin our Bible Reading Plan**

This year God doesn’t want you to read His mind about His plan for you, but He does want you to read His word. It’s almost impossible to experience His direction without consistently interacting with His word. [Sign up](http://hobokengrace.com/bible/) today for our daily bible reading plan and read through the New Testament again with us this year.

**3\. Attend Intro to Impact**

Did you know that we have a class here at Hoboken Grace designed to introduce you to what it means to serve as part of God’s family? It’s a one-hour class at the beginning of each month, and it not only informs you of opportunities to serve, it walks you through what it means to worship in service. This year don’t just join a team, begin experiencing God through service. Register [here](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/9294) for Intro to Impact this January.

**4\. Register for Amplify**

Every year as Amplify approaches, people tell us how upset they are that they aren’t going to be able to make it. They have something else planned and can’t be there. Don’t let that happen to you this year. Amplify is a must in our pursuit of Christ together. [Register](http://hobokengrace.com/amplify/) today for May 21st, add it to your calendar, and you’ll be part of this growth opportunity with us.

**5\. Become a Member**

We become what we’re committed to. Many of you have been journeying with us for a while, but haven’t yet taken the step of commitment. Membership is important not because it provides us with a status, but because it’s a covenant that we make with one another about how we’re going to journey together in this mission. This year, make the commitment. If you’ve taken Core, you can join at any time. If you haven’t, [Core](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/5472) is offered on the first Sunday of every month. Decide that this is the year you’ll commit and become a member.

What steps will you take? How will you set your course for 2016 on this journey with Christ? We’re excited to be on this journey together, and we’re excited to see what God’s going to do as we pursue Him in these ways and many more!


Top 5 Steps to Take in 2016

As we walk into our eighth year here at Hoboken Grace it’s overwhelming to see what God has done, but this is just the beginning of our mission. This Sunday we look at where we go from here. Join us as Pastor Chris introduces our focus for 2016 and walks us through some of the really exciting things we have before us. It’s a can’t miss Sunday as we launch into 2016!


Starting Strong

The more than 100 blog posts written on this site in 2015 chronicle a year of hope, courage, vulnerability, trust, obedience and gratitude. They demonstrate growth in faith, growth in character and the expansion of our church community.

But most of all, these are stories of love – about the ways we have learned to love one another and the life-changing love that God has poured out for us.

![20150910_154910](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/10/20150910_154910-e1445520414608-300x300.jpg)

They are stories about answered prayers, unexpected miracles and instances of God’s light shining through our darkness. They are stories about experiencing and demonstrating His love both around the corner and around the world. And they are stories about sharing that love with co-workers, children, significant others and total strangers.

From 301 Garden Street to Gulu, Uganda, we have seen God work in immeasurable ways. It has been one incredible year.

**So, without further ado, these were our 10 most-read posts of 2015:**

[Waiting or Obeying ](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/waiting-or-obeying/)

[Portraits: How Four Sisters Crowdsourced the Trip of a Lifetime ](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/portraits-the-varelas/)

[Twenty Things I’ve Learned in My Twenties![end](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/11/end-300x300.jpg)](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/20-things-ive-learned-in-my-twenties/)

[Everyone’s Thinking It, No One’s Saying It](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/everyones-thinking-it-no-ones-saying-it/)

[A Hoboken Grace Proposal](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/a-hoboken-grace-proposal/)

[How I Almost Missed My Miracle](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/how-i-almost-missed-my-miracle/)

[Finding Gratitude Amid Grief](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/finding-gratitude-amid-grief/)

[Portraits: A New Dad’s Commitment to Show his Son What Matters Most](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/portraits-a-new-dads-sacrifice-to-show-his-son-what-matters-most/)

[You Had One Job](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/you-had-one-job/)

[Financial Peace Changes Lives ](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/financial-peace-changes-lives/)


Our Top 10 Blog Posts of 2015

The Hoboken Christmas Exchange all started with one person’s desire to love their community through selfless giving. And in its first year, Hoboken Grace was able to partner with Kara Cohen to impact close to 1,000 people.

It was an emotional night last Saturday as families needing a little extra help this holiday season came to 301 Garden St. to pick up gifts. Our Hoboken community “adopted” families in the area and filled our Sunday morning space with presents. In addition to gifts, families were greeted with hot chocolate, homemade cookies and the chance to have a family portrait taken.

Julisa, from the Heights section of Jersey City, came with her young daughter, Keilani. She was in tears while talking about the evening. “This event was so overwhelmingly beautiful,” she said. Julisa has spent a lot of time indoors with her daughter, who was born blind in one eye. “Kids used to make fun of her, so she was scared of leaving the house. Now she has more confidence after getting an ocular prosthetic,” explained Julisa. It was beautiful to see this shy little girl smile as she took her gift.

[![DSC_4858](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/DSC_4858.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/DSC%5F4858.jpg)

Maritza and daughter Angeline found out about the Gift Exchange from Angeline’s school and were very excited to be part of it. “It’s hard for me because I have four children and am unemployed because of medical reasons,” said Maritza. “My husband is also disabled. This year has been the hardest, but I am so thankful for events like this one in the community. This is such a nice thing to do when there is so much negativity going on in the world right now.”

![](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/HG-Christmas-Giveaway-Averill-0892-678x1024.jpg)

Raycine traveled all the way from Brooklyn with her three children, Darrion, Raniyah and Dezire. “I just got out of an abusive relationship with the father of my children. I have been emotionally drained and hopeless for a while,” said Raycine. “Events like this give me hope and remind me that God is good. My friend Kara made it so easy for me to get here. She took care of everything.”

Kara Cohen, the main organizer of the Gift Exchange, was at a loss for words much of the night. “I have been crying since the event started,” she said. Kara was there as a parent received a dining room table and met with Pastor Chris to thank him.  
“I don’t think she was expecting the table,” Kara said. “She was so happy when she saw her present. Her happiness and thankfulness made everyone emotional.”

Asked what inspired her to start this wonderful initiative, Kara said that she has been loved unconditionally and just wants other people to experience that love. We can’t wait to do this again next year! It was an amazing way to restore the true holiday spirit of giving.


The Hoboken Christmas Exchange: Restoring the Holiday Spirit


Take a break from your holiday shopping, baking and gift wrapping and embrace the joy of Christmas. There are so many things to celebrate and moments to share with our friends, family and community. Here are five ways to make this Christmas one to remember.

**Come together as a community**

Help make sure no child in our city goes without a gift this Christmas. We’ll be distributing presents at the first [Hoboken Christmas Exchange](http://hobokengrace.com/christmas/) this Saturday night at 301 Garden. If you adopted a family, please drop off your wrapped gifts between 4 and 5 p.m. There are still plenty of other ways to get involved with the actual distribution (5-9 p.m.).Volunteers will be handing out gifts, taking family portraits and more. To find out how you can help, contact anthony@hobokengrace.com.

**Celebrate**

Join us this Sunday morning for our [Christmas Celebration Service](https://www.facebook.com/events/1649461625335827/), as we reflect on the incredible ways in which God has pursued each one of us this year. The [Hoboken Grace Choir](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/5-reasons-you-should-join-the-choir/) will also be performing for the first time. You won’t want to miss it!

**Spread some cheer**

There’s still time to contribute to our [Christmas Offering](http://hobokengrace.com/blog/why-give/), which allows us to impact people in our community and around the world. Our 2016 global partners include Potter’s House, True Mentors, HOPES, Liberty in North Korea and many other organizations. Contribute today through PushPay and our [online giving page](http://hobokengrace.com/online-giving/).

**Share it with friends and family**

Our [Christmas Eve services](https://www.facebook.com/events/1649461625335827/) (Dec. 24 at 5 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.) are a great opportunity to invite friends and family. Grace Kids class will be provided at both services.

**Cherish the moment**

Don’t forget: There will be no services on Sunday, Dec. 27\. Take this time to create more holiday memories, bond with friends and family, and relax.


Five Ways You’re Invited To Celebrate Christmas

The holidays are meant to be a time for celebration, an opportunity to gather with those we love and look back on the experiences we’ve shared over the past year. Of course, gathering together with loved ones also tends to come with something else: Food, and lots of it.

This week, we’re celebrating the holidays by talking about one of the best parts – the food! We asked you to send us stories about the special dishes – and moments – that you’ve shared as a dinner group. Here’s a sampling. Bon appétit!

**Clara Buckley**

My favorite meal I’ve had at a Hoboken Grace dinner group was cooked with a spirit of adventure and optimism. It was Noelle and Courtney’s first time hosting dinner group at their apartment. They were fresh out of college, living in their post-graduation dive of an apartment. We awkwardly crammed into their living room, tentatively perched on folding lawn chairs. When we assembled, hungry in the kitchen, Noelle lifted a pan lid to reveal a mound of steaming hot mac n cheese. For the piece de resistance she pulled out of the oven a tray of dino-shaped chicken nuggets. What a feast! As Noelle and I got to know each other I would tease her about this first meal and frequently ask her to repeat it. My regular diet does not contain dino nuggets and mac n cheese, so the weeks Noelle hosted dinner group were always a treat for me. Many years have passed since then and Noelle has hosted dinner group dozens of times, and now she has the number for Dominos.

**Gretchen Schulthes![cak5](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/cak5-300x300.jpg)** 

In our dinner group, although dinner is a central part – it’s the dessert that we’re truly passionate about. When I became a dinner group leader, I knew I wanted to do something special for the women in my group, and what better way to celebrate people than with cake?

The motivation behind this was, in part, trying to find a way to share my gift of baking with others, but also an attempt to celebrate each person individually. There was a series last year that talked about the value of celebration, and I knew I wanted that to be an integral part of our dinner group.

Most people who know me know I love baking. But the true reason why I love it so much is for the joy it brings people. So each time I make a birthday cake for someone, it’s carefully crafted in the hopes that they know how much they are truly loved and valued. And as we share each cake, it gives us an opportunity to intentionally celebrate that person. So while we may not break bread in the most traditional sense, it’s my favorite way we celebrate within community.

While I can’t take credit for even finding [this recipe](http://www.purewow.com/recipes/Caramel-Almond-Cake), it has become a quick favorite among the group. It is a non-traditional cake of sorts, but moist and delicious all the same.

You can see some of our dinner group’s cakes on Instagram, under [#dinnergroupbirthdaycakes](https://www.instagram.com/explore/tags/dinnergroupbirthdaycakes/).

![cakes](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/cakes.jpg)

**Christina Timoldi**

Our dinner group LOVES food, and we love to talk about food. Most of the time while we’re eating we’re suggesting other restaurants for breakfast, lunch and dinner! If someone in the group is traveling, the first suggestion is coffee shops, bakeries and restaurants. It’s definitely something that brings us together. Making new recipes together is just part of how we roll, but I think one of my favorite dinner groups was our last one when we had a potluck of everyone’s favorite Thanksgiving dishes (basically a DG Friendsgiving!). I think food (even outside of dinner group) is something that brings people together and makes them more comfortable around each other. It opens you up without realizing it because you’re all sitting at a table sharing something even if it’s your first time in dinner group. You’re not distracted by your phone or trying to yell over some bar’s music. We’re all just enjoying each other’s company and listening to each other.

**![1486054_10101314714813040_713660027006258505_o (1)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/1486054_10101314714813040_713660027006258505_o-1.jpg)Noelle Saulnier** 

Our dinner group takes turns hosting, but attendance is usually highest when Sheena cooks. That’s because Sheena’s dinners are basically three-course meals, with a carefully crafted menu that takes into account the dietary restrictions and personal preferences of each person in our group.

And while her dinners always seem to come together effortlessly, these are not simple, thrown-together meals. For example, a menu from one night over the summer: pulled-pork sandwiches, a build-your-own baked potato bar, corn on the cob, coleslaw, peach cobbler with ice cream and peach sauce over ice cream (the gluten-free option).

But one of the best dinners at Sheena’s involved leftovers. The Sunday before Thanksgiving, Sheena hosted a huge Friendsgiving potluck, complete with a bacon-wrapped turkey and a dozen side dishes. I half-jokingly asked if we could come over that Tuesday for dinner group, so we could eat the leftovers. Sheena said she had a work party that night, but without hesitation handed over her spare key.

We gathered there that Tuesday, pulling nearly every container from her fridge. Once our plates were empty and our stomachs full, we went around in a circle in her living room, listing the many reasons we were thankful for one another. We didn’t get to tell her in person, but we were all thankful for Sheena and the way she invited us into her home that night. We were also thankful for her peach cobbler.

**Courtney Perlee**

The first summer I lived in Hoboken, I was (admittedly) intimidated by the culinary skills of the rest of my dinner group. For a picnic night, I went out of my comfort zone and made this roasted corn and quinoa dish. It was less about how well the dish was received (and how easy it was to make) and more about the memory of sitting in Church Square Park on a summer night, enjoying the conversation. The recipe has evolved over five years, but I make it at least once a summer and treasure how much we’ve changed with it.

**Matthew Neuteboom**

The dish I bring to dinner on Sundays isn’t unique – I found it on the internet, actually – but everyone seems to enjoy it when I bring it over, and I always get requests to make more. It’s a rice side dish thats boiled in chicken (or vegetable!) broth with peas and carrots mixed in. I originally decided to make it because I wanted a way to say thank you to everyone who cooked food for us every week. Now it’s become somewhat of a weekly staple, and it usually goes well with whatever we’re eating that night.

A side benefit of making it is that it’s easy to cook a huge bowl of rice in a short amount of time. I usually boil about three cups of rice, which if you aren’t aware is a whole lot of rice. This typically means I have plenty of leftovers at the end of the night. First, I share some with my three roommates, who are all guys and cook as little as I do. Whatever is left after that I store in the fridge and wind up eating for dinner for the rest of the week. In fact… I’m eating it right now as I write this. So in helping out my dinner group, I actually managed to help myself (and my roommates) eat better in the process.

_To be notified when Dinner Group enrollment opens on Sunday, Dec. 27, [register here.](http://hobokengrace.com/dinner-groups)_


Food For Thought: Stories From Our Dinner Groups

It was a Sunday afternoon at Hoboken Grace after the last service on November 22\. Teams were slowly disassembling the room. Others milled about and chatted idly about Thanksgiving plans. Supplies were being packed up and put away.

Then suddenly, the lights dimmed. The speakers popped. A video flashed on the televisions at the front of the room. And before anyone could tell what was going on, Ryan MacFadyen appeared on screen. The crowd went silent.

![unnamed (3) (1)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/unnamed-3-1-300x300.jpg)

When Ryan began to talk, he spoke affectionately about his girlfriend, Tiffany Clarkson, who was standing in the audience. Videos he had recorded over the course of their three-year relationship began to play. Slowly, all eyes turned toward Tiffany. The video ended with a clip of Ryan atop Machu Picchu, in the heart of the Peruvian Andes. There he asked simply, “Will you marry me?” Then he appeared behind her, on one knee, with the ring in hand. Gladly, she accepted.

“I don’t normally get rattled,” Tiffany later recalled. “But my heart was beating so fast. Everything we had gone through for the past three years was going through my head.”

Ryan and Tiffany began attending Hoboken Grace about a year ago, after meeting at Florida State University. There, they grew into a relationship before Tiffany eventually graduated and moved to Portland, Oregon. Ryan stayed for one more year to finish a second degree. Nevertheless, they continued their relationship long distance, and when Ryan graduated as well, he moved out to Portland.

It wasn’t long, however, before a job opportunity brought Tiffany to New York. Ryan naturally followed, with Tiffany settling in Hoboken and Ryan in Jersey City. When they first arrived, they found a church in New York City. Pretty soon, however, the commute into the city every Sunday began to wear them down.

That’s when Tiffany discovered an advertisement for Hoboken Grace in Jersey City. Curious, she checked out the website. Before they had even attended their first service, she had already signed both of them up for a dinner group. They have been attending ever since.

“Dinner group was an integral part of us rebuilding our relationship with Jesus,” said Tiffany. “God had put me in a very content area of my life. Everything was falling into place.” This January, Tiffany will be launching her own dinner group.

For a long time, Ryan had known he wanted to propose to Tiffany with a video. Over the years, he had secretly recorded brief video messages on his phone for that very purpose. And occasionally he recorded them without his shirt on, he joked, never thinking the clips would be viewed by a public audience.

Ryan had watched the videos played during services at Hoboken Grace. He wondered, could he do the same to propose to Tiffany? Ryan approached John Milius with the idea, and a dinner group leader put him in touch with Courtney Perlee, a member of the Video Team.

![unnamed](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/unnamed-300x300.jpg)Together, Ryan and Courtney made his vision a reality, stringing together the clips he had recorded. Courtney also helped film an introduction.

“John and Courtney were crucial in getting the video made,” said Ryan.

Ryan and Courtney didn’t even know each other before they met at a Starbucks to discuss shooting it. “She was super nice. I knew I could trust her,” Ryan said. “And she made the video look amazing.”

Ryan’s plans were set for the morning of Sunday, November 22\. The night before the big day, Ryan and Tiffany attended a taping of _Saturday Night Live_. There, she teased him about his proposal. When was he planning to carry it out? Thanksgiving? New Year’s? She thought she had him figured out.

Little did she know that Ryan was on pins and needles the entire evening. Everything was in place for the next day— both of their dinner groups would be meeting after Hoboken Grace’s 12:30 service under the guise of helping break down the room. He had the ring. All that was left was to pull it off.

“She was the biggest moving piece of the puzzle,” he said. “I just wanted it to be perfect.”

The morning after fared no better for Ryan. Hoboken had just lost running water thanks to a water main break. Tiffany fretted about appearing presentable for church, but her dinner group pulled her back in. She was also unable to switch her service shift, as Ryan had hoped. He feared she wouldn’t make it in time.

“She is notoriously late for everything,” Ryan later joked.

But show up she did — about 10 minutes late, as had been expected. When she got there, though, something seemed amiss. Things weren’t broken down as much as she would have guessed. Off to the side, Ryan waited for the right moment to play the video. His goal was to get her more toward the center of the room. Finally, John asked if he was ready. And Ryan gave him the final go-ahead.

“All of a sudden, I heard my name on the speakers,” Tiffany said. “And he was talking about me.” Initially, she suspected that Ryan had made a story video that was going to be played at church. Soon, however, she looked around and saw people standing and facing her. And slowly it dawned on her what was happening.

“It’s not what I expected of him. He’s so bad with surprises!” she recalled. But she felt that the moment was right for both of them, surrounded by friends in the church that had brought them together. “That really focused our relationship on God, like it should be.”

“We feel truly blessed we found a place like Hoboken Grace,” said Ryan.

Looking back, Ryan says he would have only changed one thing about the video: “I really wish I could have told myself in college: Put on a shirt!”


A Hoboken Grace Proposal


“I never really thought, ‘I need to get baptized,’ ” says Rick.

As a child, God had always been a part of Rick’s life; he was baptized and grew up attending church and Sunday school. While he says he has wandered away several times over the years — during college and when he moved to Hoboken — friends always stepped in and helped redirect his focus and get him back on track.

“There have just been people in my life who have come into it and brought me back to Him,” Rick says.

Rick tried several churches in Hoboken. After meeting his wife in 2005, they went to church about once a month, he says. They started going to Hoboken Grace in 2010, after friends began attending. His wife was baptized the following year.

Over time, Rick says, he got more involved with dinner group and eventually joined the Setup Team.

But it was only early this year that he began thinking about baptism. He had been reading through the daily Bible plan, and baptism kept coming up in scripture.

“Every few months, there was something that just brought me back to it that said, “You need to do it,” he says.

“And then I said, why aren’t I doing it? Going up on stage? Yeah, I’m afraid of crowds. But God wants me to do it. So I just made a decision.”

[![DSC_4900](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/DSC_4900.jpg)](https://res.cloudinary.com/dzs7qxusf/image/upload/v1/archive/2015/12/DSC%5F4900.jpg)

Rick was baptized Nov. 29, surrounded by his dinner group. It was a huge celebration, he says, with people who have been influential in his journey over the past few years. And his nieces and nephews watched over Livestream.

“I made it out to be this huge deal, like I was going to be nervous,” he says.

For those considering taking the same step, he recommends at least going to What Is Baptism, a brief class offered on the second Sunday of each month.

“Give it time, and your heart will tell you whether it’s right for you,” he says.

_To learn more about taking the step of baptism, attend Hoboken Grace’s class_ _[What Is Baptism](https://hobokengrace.churchcenteronline.com/registrations/events/9320) after each service this Sunday._


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